First 2 weeks of Mum in Home

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Sazzle, May 12, 2007.

  1. Sazzle

    Sazzle Registered User

    Apr 28, 2007
    It seems longer than two weeks that mum's been in the home. The first week was very difficult as we couldn't visit her. We were advised that this would help her to settle. So far the advice that the home has given us has proved to be right. So we stayed away until they thought Mum could cope with seeing us. This came earlier than we expected so we were really pleased. I am off work at the moment so I have been every day this week , just short visits. At first it was very upsetting to see my Mum sitting there with everybody else. I thought she looked lost amongst them all and that a spark in her had gone out. Guilt, Guilt, Guilt, heap it upon ourselves:(
    As time passes and at each visit I feel a bit better about it all. Mum seems to be more settled and even has her prefered chair to sit in now and gets a bit tetchy if someone else is in it!!!. The other day I took all required to was her hair. She enjoyed having her hair done. Afterwards I got her to put some lippy on. When we got down stairs the staff mayed a fuss of her as she looked smartend up a bit, Mum loved this attention.
    A couple of day's ago I took my dog for a visit, obviously i checked this out with the home and they encourage visits from well behaved dogs.:) Mum loves animals and has always had dogs and cats. My dog recognised mum straight away but mum did not seem to recognise the dog!!! Lots of the other residents wanted to pat her and talk to her which was fine. One lady said " come over here, can i give your pussy cat a crisp?"!!!! Bless her. I think they all got a lot out of it, especially the dog!!
    There are a few things to iron out with the home like, bathing (she will say she does'nt want one!), getting dirty cloths of mum (she hides them!) underware ect ect.
    It's early day's and they are getting to know mum so i supose there are bound to be the ocasional hicups. Over all I feel that she is being well cared for, mum seems more settled with the situation. (so far she has'nt asked to go home) We havn't taken her out in the car, we are a bit nervous that it might spark off a 'going home' thought. Small steps at a time. We are absoloutly amazed that we havn't had a significant problem. Mind you as I said that i touched wood!!!! sazzle
  2. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    near London
    Hi Sazzle

    thanks so much for updating us.

    I believe it is really important to see stories of the good care homes.

    There is so much bad news about everything on tap these days, and, for all of us, the prospect of a loved one [or even at some stage, ourselves!] moving to a care home is a particularly difficult area.

    Sure, there are bad examples about but, as with everything, it tends to be only the ones that fall short that get publicised. I am sure there are many, many more very acceptable places out there.

    I'm really glad you have come across one of them!
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Hi Sazzle, what a positive up date. I`m sure you must feel good in yourself that everything`s going so well.

    Hiccups will always be there, very little is perfect. But to see your mum happy and given lots of attention and the biggest thing--having her own chair, can only be good.

    Take care
  4. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    Hi Sazzle

    So glad your mum has settled so well. That must be a great load off your mind.

    Don't feel guilty, you've done the best thing for your mum. She's safe and cared for, and you can enjoy your visits together. Hopefully in the summer she'll be settled enough for you to take her for drives in the countryside.

    Thanks for the positive post.

  5. Taffy

    Taffy Registered User

    Apr 15, 2007
    Encouraging Post

    Hi Sazzle, your post has been very encouraging for me as on monday I will be placing my mum permanently into care. How I relate to the not wanting to tub, not wanting to change dirty clothes and hiding them, that's my mum to a tee.I hope that mum settles as well as your mum, and that things for you continue to go smoothly.Best wishes. Taffy.:)
  6. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    All the best for Monday, Taffy. Fingers crossed.
  7. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    Good luck, Taffy. I'm sure it'll be fine.:)

  8. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    I think every home should have dog visitors! My mother home has a resident cat, who probably get too much attention, but one of the workers regularly brings in her Great Pyrennees and she is always a welcome visitor. Apart from anything else, this dog is sufficient large that it can simply stand by a bed and be stroked without any undue effort!

    I glad your Mum is settling, even if she is hiding her clothes. :)

  9. twink

    twink Registered User

    Oct 28, 2005
    Cambridgeshire UK
    They have rabbits at Steve's home. I'm sure they'd all love to see a dog, Steve would but as he's not been there for very long yet, I don't know if they do have anyone taking one in. Steve 'sees' children playing and speaks to them.
  10. Cate

    Cate Registered User

    Jul 2, 2006
    Newport, Gwent
    Hi Sazzle

    What fantastic news, you must feel a whole lot better.

    Don't worry about the bathing/clothing issue, we are still having problems with mum on the same subject. Mum moved to the NH last September, and I can count on one hand how many times the staff / me have got mum in the shower (a bath is a complete no no). However, they have got very clever at washing mum in bits!!! A soak of the feet, a wash of the back etc., etc., and the clothing, well they nip in when she has undressed for bed, grab her dirty washing, and hey presto its back in the same place by morning having been washed and dried etc.,

    I used to so worry about mum showering, but I have come to the conclusion, in the greater scheme of things it's a very small issue. She is safe, very well cared for indeed (also has her own chair), enjoys visiting the resident hair dresser once a week, enjoys the organised tips out, enjoys the afternoon activities etc, etc., has company, and the food is fantastic.

    Sazzle hope mum continues to settle, dont worry though it you get the odd hicup along the way, all very natural.

  11. sophie123

    sophie123 Registered User

    Feb 14, 2007
    Hi Sazzle,

    It's good to hear that your mum has settled in so quickly, I know it took mine a couple of months to seem 'happy', but a year on she seems quite comfortable there. She was always a wanderer, but now when we visit she is often sitting down which we see as a good sign. We have had to nag the staff on some occasions for her hair being a little greasy, or someone else's clothes being in her drawer, but generally they do a good job. We know how difficult she can be about bathing/teeth brushing etc so we appreciate how hard they must find it. Hope your mum stays happy where she is.

    Soph x
  12. panda

    panda Registered User

    Apr 16, 2006
    lucky you I am glad tings are going ok for you. I am one week behind you Mumm went into care two days ago and no one advised me not to go, I arrived yesteday morning with my two children and Mum went absolutley crazy at me demanding to go home immediatley It was horrible. Good luck to you Taffy hhope it goes a bit better for you
  13. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Ah Panda, so sorry. What a horrid thing to happen.

    How did you manage to resolve it? Was your mum still upset when you left.

    I hope it didn`t upset your children too much.
  14. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006

    Please to read that things are working out for your mum at care home


    Hope your mother settles down soon in the future
  15. janetruth

    janetruth Registered User

    Mar 20, 2007
    Hi Sazzle

    So pleased for you all, what a lovely positive post, best wishes for the future.

    Hi Taffy
    Hope things go well for you, it's good that you have read Sazzles post and can get something from it.

    Hi Panda.

    What a shame you had no advise, maybe you should let your mum SETTLE for a few days and start over again. Hope things calm down for you and your family.

    Take care Bye for now
    Janetruth x
  16. alfjess

    alfjess Registered User

    Jul 10, 2006
    south lanarkshire
    Hi All

    I lived next door to a nursing home in my last house.
    I regularly took my quietest St Bernard to visit the residents, They loved her and petted and patted her, gave her their biscuits, all be it, broken into very small pieces, small pieces to a Saint causes problems, trying to find them in their big mouth and jaws, but she thoroughly enjoyed the attention.
    This nursing home also had visits from cubs from the zoo (can't quite remember what kind of cubs, but definately from the big cat family)
    I think dogs, animals? have a second sense where sick people are concerned.

    For instance, I bought a robot vacuum cleaner (useless) This thing was moving about the floor and the little intelligent mongrel I have, was frightened. Mum and Dad came down, but when they tried to come in, he wouldn't allow them. He was trying to protect them. Same when Dad collasped and hurt his nose, he was very concerned and knew something was wrong.
    Mum who has hated animals all her life (pre dementia) now thinks dogs are wonderful and before going into care found great enjoyment in my dog and parrot. She would talk to the parrot, all the time, and would laugh when he spoke or whistled, although could never remember what it was.

  17. lady racer

    lady racer Registered User

    Mar 12, 2007
    northwest england
    good luck

    I am pleased to hear your mum is settleing well in the home, good luck in the future and i hope all goes well for you.:) :)

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