Finding the words...

[Margarita]

For me it's as though my mum has died and we're looking after a new person "B". I know dad hates it that we feel that way but I can't relate to her as my mum at all - it was tarnishing the memories of who she really was and I hated that.Plus I an manage her outbursts and unpleasant behaviour much better as I don't feel it as personally.

I think easier said than done when you're one step removed but dad can't do that or else how could he keep caring for her each day? I think he's got to still see her as his wife because otherwise what would be the point?

I know what you mean , I can so relate to that , as if I perceive it like that it help me care for my mother better when she was having really bad time with her AZ.

Only think with thinking like that , when living caring for my mother 24/7 , was seeing her on the goods days , Oh God the Good days, the Good moments , was like my mother was back , it such so hard emotional , It felt like a phycologycal mind game was going on it my head .

I think easier said than done when you're one step removed

Yes your right , but only because you not they with her 24/7 with her .

but dad can't do that or else how could he keep caring for her each day? I think he's got to still see her as his wife because otherwise what would be the point?

Ask him ? As I wonder if your mother still has good moments, so his not ready yet to let go of the woman she use to be, still is really because he not seeing how she has became , but still holding on to how she was in his mind . ( if you get my point )

 

[Margarita]

PS

If you like to get an insight of husband / wife caring for someone with AZ channel 4 film 4, is showing the film "The Note Book " soon, it does gloss it over a lot with Romance , but it give good points about the good days and the fight that go on in the human minds , to want to keep trying to get those moments back, on even in a care home .




http://www.channel4.com/film/reviews/film.jsp?id=132458&page=2

he Notebook's framing storyline has aging senior citizens played by James Garner and Gena Rowlands meeting in a retirement home. Rowlands' character suffers from Alzheimer's, which prompts Garner's character to read her a story from his notebook about two young lovers named Noah (Gosling) and Allie (McAdams) in North Carolina in the 1940s. Whisking us back to the age of Glenn Miller tunes, Pearl Harbour and the pre-civil rights era Deep South, director Nick Cassavetes (John Q) proceeds to skip between the present and the past until the film's twist becomes unbearably obvious.

 

[Amanda1954]

Sue, that's fantastic. I've never seen it before. I'm going through a difficult time with my mum. Not her fault, just me coming to terms with her illness and trying to find out how to deal with it. I'm not the most patient person (this is the bigges understatement!) and was wondering how I could learn to cope. This has helped me so much. I will read and re-read it and try to put it all into practice. Thank you so much for sharing it.

Amanda

 

[sue38]

Amanda,

Thank Margarita as she was the one who originally posted it. I thought it would come in handy so saved it. By coincidence I was reading it the other week when I got the call to see my Dad when he was having a 'do'. I was doing quite well following the advice, and then my sister came in (who hasn't read it) said the 'wrong' thing, and we were back to square one!

 

[Margarita]

Agree with them or distract them to a different subject or activity

I could not belive it sue , that today when my mother got home . I had to
distract my mother about something & it work I was really surprised , then more surprised that in around an hour later she talk about it , but did not remember how upset she would of got if I had not distract her ( just about me telling my brother to leave )