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Finding the balance?


Registered User
May 30, 2015

I couldn't find a thread about this - though I'm sure there are a lot of overlaps in almost every thread. But anyway, I'm just wondering if there are carers out there that as well as caring for a friend or family member are also conscious that they need to get on with their own life and how they go about this.

I only ask as I'm in this situation now and at first i didn't really think about it but after over 2 years of caring I've started thinking a lot lately about my own life and that it's going nowhere and isn't likely to....also it's probably worse as I'm in my thirties now especially during the last few years a lot of people I know/knew have got married etc.

So I'm just wondering how people find the balance between having their own life and caring. Or is that not even possible?

Basically I get no help from anyone else whatsoever it's either me - or- well I don't know what would happen.

I know this might seems bit selfish, but at the same time I guess it's a perfectly normal reaction. Especially as I reach The age of reason.

Anyway, please let me know what you guys do and think and if don't want to post here - please feel free to send me a PM.



Registered User
Jul 20, 2011
You really do need some help. All of us need help to give us that balance.
You can phone Social Services Adult Care Duty Desk and ask for an assessment for your loved one - if you ask for day care that should be an option - a day centre where they can go for lunch and activities often 3 or more times a week. As well as our social services centre we also have Crossroads Day Centre where people can go for up to 3 days and it is also worth googling Dementia activities + your area to see what is going on. There is probably a fair bit but you need to search for it. Some care homes also do 'day care' which can be useful but I would try the day centres first

You can also ask for a carers assessment - this will give you a break and give you some 'free' hours of help possibly

It will be helpful for you to apply for Attendance Allowance it is non means tested and will give you extra cash to get help - the forms are a bit tricky in that you have to imagine the worst possible day for mum and write down the help that she needs (not the help that she gets but what she NEEDS). Attendance Allowance is not means tested and you should get it, if you need some help with the forms come back and ask or phone Age UK and they will help

I would strongly advise you to join your local carers organisation - they usually have a carers cafe (and so do Alzheimers society in some areas) and it is worth a morning off work to go and find out what help there is in your area over a cup of coffee.

Lots of people on here have said they find Age UK very helpful as they have people who will help you fill in the forms
Age UK Advice line free national advice line that is open 365 days a year To talk to someone, just call 0800 169 2081.

The Dementia helpline is a useful number to have

lzheimer's Society National Dementia Helpline 0300 222 1122 can provide information, support, guidance and signposting to other appropriate organisations.

The Helpline is usually open from:
9am - 8pm Monday to Wednesday
9am - 5pm on Thursday and Friday
10am - 4pm on Saturday and Sunday

Keep posting, lots of people on here will support you. You are right you do need a life but it is difficult and you need to take the initiative and take help when it is offered which some of us find hard!!!


Registered User
Dec 19, 2015
This is my first time on the forum and came across this post. I feel completely the same with my mum just recently diagnosed with Alzheimer's. I'm in my 30s and feeling very much that I'm on my own when it comes to helping my mum. I am also not married but have a boyfriend but wandering where my life is going to go and if I'll even have time for a life with looking after my mum and full time work.
How long has your parent had dementia? I've found it very tough already and don't know how I'll cope as time goes on!

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