Hi all, I'm hoping someone can help me with the thorny problem of financial issues:
My parents have been married for over 50 years. They live in their own home. They have separate bank accounts. My father was always the 'bread winner' and was successful in building decent savings and investments. As such and despite separate accounts, he has always supported my mother and the family home financially. His view was a simple one in that what he built would be my mother's when he was gone and thereafter his son's in the fullness of time. Oh, if life were that simple!):-
For a couple of years now as his memory failed I have had to manage his finances as (sole) EPA. It has been a heavy responsibility to do right by him and my mother. It is only what he expects of me.
Earlier this year there was a formal diagnosis of vascular dementia and while he stabilised for a while with Memantine, aggressive, unpredictable, behaviour has returned and he has attacked my mother twice in an as many weeks. He is now under assessment in a secure unit. There are broken hearts all around.
Money seems unimportant right now as we try to recover from a horrific week but duties remain and it's a useful diversion. My father would expect no less of me.
I have two questions:
1- From my father's finances, what is considered reasonable support of my mother and their home even though he may be absent from it or cared elsewhere for some time?
(By support I mean utilities, food, shopping and the like.)
2- If in due course he should have to enter full time care and become a 'self-funder' how would this affect the issue of reasonable support of my mother and their home?
Many thanks for listening...
Ted
My parents have been married for over 50 years. They live in their own home. They have separate bank accounts. My father was always the 'bread winner' and was successful in building decent savings and investments. As such and despite separate accounts, he has always supported my mother and the family home financially. His view was a simple one in that what he built would be my mother's when he was gone and thereafter his son's in the fullness of time. Oh, if life were that simple!):-
For a couple of years now as his memory failed I have had to manage his finances as (sole) EPA. It has been a heavy responsibility to do right by him and my mother. It is only what he expects of me.
Earlier this year there was a formal diagnosis of vascular dementia and while he stabilised for a while with Memantine, aggressive, unpredictable, behaviour has returned and he has attacked my mother twice in an as many weeks. He is now under assessment in a secure unit. There are broken hearts all around.
Money seems unimportant right now as we try to recover from a horrific week but duties remain and it's a useful diversion. My father would expect no less of me.
I have two questions:
1- From my father's finances, what is considered reasonable support of my mother and their home even though he may be absent from it or cared elsewhere for some time?
(By support I mean utilities, food, shopping and the like.)
2- If in due course he should have to enter full time care and become a 'self-funder' how would this affect the issue of reasonable support of my mother and their home?
Many thanks for listening...
Ted
