Finally I can put a positive post!!


Registered User
Mar 15, 2006
Morecambe, UK
We went to see Jean for the first time tonight. She has been in the home for nearly two weeks now and we were dreading going to see her, but she is doing great!! She is talking and interactiing and isn't just sitting there doing her puzzle books all day like she was when she was at home - I am amazed!!

She looks healthier, happier and more alert and steady than she has in a VERY long time. She was laughing and being cheeky and I am so relieved I could cry!!

Anyway I just wanted to share some good news for a change!

Thank you to all who have helped me through this, I couldn't have done it without you guys!!



Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland
Blue Gremlin, what a wonderful post. I'm glad Jean has settled down so well. It's something positive for those of us who are dreading the thought of care, respite or permanent.

Hope all continues to go well.


Registered User
May 14, 2006
Positive post!

My son came to stay last weekend and we visited Mum together. He said that he thought it was a shame that she only had three months in the Care Home, before she broke her hip and went into the NH. She was so happy in her Care Home and I was able to visit her and just enjoy her company instead of worrying about her medication and sorting out all her everyday needs and problems.
Mum liked having company in the home, as she had been so lonely and frightened in her own home when she had the hallucinations. These didn't seem so bad when there were carers around to talk to her at any time. Maybe we try to keep people in their own home for far too long and it would be better to let them go into care while they can still appreciate the social activities.
I feel like Mum has missed out because I thought I was doing the right thing helping her to stay at home. It also began to affect my own health as she was ringing us up at night and early in the morning, because she was so confused about what time it was. Now I do at least know that the NH staff are taking very good care of her and she is eating properly.


Registered User
Apr 30, 2006
Hi Blue gremlin
Its lovely to hear such good news......:)
I think that when we fear the worst the reality doesn't turn out as bad as we expect. I'm really pleased for all of you and Jean!

Kayla......that really is food for thought....the only thing I'm bothered about is that mum was so unhappy in respite......mind you it was in a respite only centre so the residents are continually coming and going which I'm sure is very unsettling.....mum probably thought they were all being bumped off.....perhaps thats why she refused all medication when she was in there!


Registered User
Jul 2, 2006
Newport, Gwent
Hi Blue-Gremlin

Fantastic news, so pleased Jean has settled well, isnt it fantastic when you see how they have improved physically, and to have the piece of mind, worth a million pounds isn't it.

Kayla, how right you are, I wish for all our sakes mum had made the move sooner, like Jean she is doing great, mum would never admit it though to us the family, (some things never change!). And yes, I totally agree it's fantastic not now having the phone ring at all hours of the day and night.

That makes at least 3 of us, who for now, are contented little bunnys.
Love to all

Tender Face

Account Closed
Mar 14, 2006
NW England
Brilliant Blue Gremlin!

Thanks for sharing that... amidst my angst this week I should report that mum had her first trip out to a 'Day-Care' centre ...... and LOVED it!!!!!

This - mum - who didn't want any outside help (should have been proud she thought I could cope with everything?;) ) ... who 'hated' the idea of having a 'buddy' ...said 'buddy' having been 'gifted' to me through a Carer's support service to 'ease' mum into accepting other help but mine exclusively..........

Funny (almost) she can remember everything she ate, how the time went ..... I know 'cause she's told me about 20 times since in the last 48 hours....... do I care? THAT kind of repetition I can cope with!!!!!:)

Great stuff....

Love, Karen, x


Registered User
May 24, 2006
I am sure to many i will now sound cold hard and ungrateful

However for the very first time in over 20 years can i actually look forward and enjoy Christmas and my husbands birthday (Xmas Day baby )

For over 20 years my sister and self have had no option but to have Mother stay over Xmas
Whilst we shared it out switching Xmas Day and Boxing Day for the 27th and 28th it still hung like a huge cloud over us

Mother has always been DIFFICULT and the last 5 years especially so , even though we now realise that VD was playing its part

Her total lack of empathy, appreciation or consideration has caused non stop rancor .........she just EXPECTED /DEMANDED that we were duty bound to have her and all the non stop moans and groans

Whether she survives thru Xmas and no matter where she is neither of us are having her ...........she has no clue who we are or where she is and with an MMSE of Zero it no longer matters .

When she told the Phychiatrist she did not know who i was on Weds and then that i was her sister that did it for me

For once all 6 grandchildren can really enjoy themselves and they wont be saying
" old granny is very confused "

I can but be grateful that my daughters and grandkids wont have the same problem to endure and are safe in the knowledge that i do have an advance directive too

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Helena, your reaction is normal, in my opinion.
I remember having my grandmother for Christmas every year, because no-one else would have her and my conscience wouldn`t let her be on her own. It was such a strain, year after year after year. When she went in a home, we began to have my mother.
The first Christmas we had after my mother went in a home was brilliant. Our son was away, it was just the 2 of us, we did what we wanted and relaxed for the first time in years.

Karen, I`m so pleased your mother likes the day centre. I hope she`ll continue to like it and let it give you some well deserved respite.

Blue Gremlin, So glad Jean has settled well. What a happy, positive post.

Good news from everyone. Long may it continue.

Tender Face

Account Closed
Mar 14, 2006
NW England
Helena said:
I am sure to many i will now sound cold hard and ungrateful
No Helena, at least not to me. There was an element with my dad previously and now with mum that his and now her illness has and still is constantly overshadowing what I should be ALLOWED to enjoy with my own son - and God willing, one day, my grandchildren......

Sure, I want the best for mum .... but it can't be constantly to the detriment of the rest of the family..... I'm trying to learn it's not about being selfish - but about priorities ..... and if mum's not entirely happy - well she'll have forgotten anyway - my son won't forget if Christmas is miserable...... you go spoil those grandkids rotten!!!! Just having time for them will be the best gift.....

And as long as you know you're doing your best under impossible circumstances for mum, then try to enjoy what you can yourself,

Love Karen, x

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