Finally found this forum - a ray of hope!

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Spinning Plates, Aug 3, 2015.

  1. Spinning Plates

    Spinning Plates Registered User

    Aug 3, 2015
    The last seven months have been sheer hell - but finding this forum has been a rare, and valuable, ray of hope.

    A quick recap.

    Dad lives with Mum 90 miles away, they’re both 81. I’m their only child. There’s one neighbour who looks out for them, but that’s their only daily support.

    Dad had a minor heart attack on New Year’s Eve - his 81st birthday. During 12 days in hospital having a stent fitted he developed acute confusion. He’d had it three times before, but this time it didn’t clear up. He started drinking straight from the kettle spout, going to the neighbour’s house and refusing to leave because the government were after him, getting up for work at 2am and putting on a suit, removing all the lightbulbs in the house and insisting I take him to B&Q to get them changed because they were “second hand” - some of it’s funny. If you didn’t laugh you’d cry.

    In February he was admitted to hospital again with acute confusion by his doctor, but was discharged as he had capacity. Six social services visits followed. An appointment was made with Memory Services, which he cancelled.

    March, and he was admitted again with acute confusion. He escaped from hospital at 2am and got a taxi home. The next morning I travelled over to collect his belongings from the hospital, during which time he took a deliberate overdose at home and nearly died during 18 hours in A&E. Do Not Resuscitate forms, the lot. He recovered, but spectacularly failed all the dementia tests in hospital and was put on a dementia ward. A breakthrough, we thought. A week later he was sent home, on the proviso that he would meet Memory Services - with a waiting time of four months.

    April, and the bizarre behaviour continued, culminating in him throwing a fishtank at Mum, trying to smash his way through the patio doors with a chair, then telling the neighbours to call the police as people were trying to kill him. He was taken to hospital, sectioned, and moved to a mental health facility.

    That was three months ago. I can’t speak highly enough of the facility and the work the nurses do, but his dementia is so severe that in that time he’s lost the ability to walk, his teeth (he put them in a sock, which went missing), wears a nappy and has aged about 10 years. He’s moved from a section 2 to 3, and finding a nursing home has been nigh on impossible. After many disappointments due to funding, vacancies disappearing, Dad 'failing' assessment visits, we gave up moving him nearer us (Mum was fine with that, she rarely visits him anyway). I’ve visited 15-or-so care homes to try to find one who will take him due to his advanced dementia, high risk of falls, cancer and heart problems. The unit finally found us one, still 90 miles away, but it’s £3,500 a week. The funding meeting is this month.

    It has been one hell of a year. I was made redundant in April, and haven’t been able to get a job due to visiting Dad three times a week. We have our first baby due in November - hopefully we can get Dad settled in a home by then.

    In all that time we’ve had very little support - until now.

    I only Googled this forum today. We’ve probably been too busy to even think about if anyone could help us, and have just soldiered on. Reading through the threads has reassured me that there are people willing to help. Even just to listen. You all make such a difference!
  2. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    South coast
    It certainly has been one hell of a year :eek:
    Welcome to TP now you have found us. Unfortunately there isnt much support for dementia.
    It is good that your dad has been found a unit that will accept him. Im sure that someone will correct me if Im wrong, but I dont think that you are liable to pay the fees if hes been sectioned, especially as this seems to be the only place that will accept him.
    Hopefully things will settle down soon.
  3. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    Hello SP and welcome to TP. What a time you've all been having. It's good you found the forum as I'm sure you'll find it a comfort and support.
  4. irishmanc

    irishmanc Registered User

    Jan 14, 2015
    Wow, you have had quite a year. It's hard being an only child (I am one too and there are several on here). All we can do is try our best for our loved ones and try not to be too hard on ourselves. I hope it all works out for you.
  5. OlKlein

    OlKlein Registered User

    Mar 10, 2015
    Welcome! :)
  6. Long-Suffering

    Long-Suffering Registered User

    Jul 6, 2015
    Hi SP,

    I'm another only child with parents far away.

    Wow, you've been through a lot and got a baby on the way too! Glad you found us. You'll get lots of support here. Welcome to TP.

  7. Stresshead

    Stresshead Registered User

    Sep 13, 2014
    Gosh what a year !! I truly feel for you and as an only child myself I know what a worry it must be for you. This forum is brilliant, a real life line. Everybody on here is on the same journey as you and there is always somebody to offer some good advice. I wish you strength and also send a big cyber hug xx

    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
  8. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    Hello SP. & welcome to TP.
    You've had a rotten year but you will get help & support here.
  9. moonstar

    moonstar Registered User

    Jun 23, 2012

    First time doing this. Apparently there are two types of sectioning. One of them you are able to get funding for I believe. Saw it on an article by The Times on the Internet regarding dementia recently.
  10. RedLou

    RedLou Registered User

    Jul 30, 2014
    Just because you're an only child, and clearly a wonderful child at that, doesn't mean to say you can't step back. Remember you need a chance to recover from the birth and enjoy your baby along side your partner. You don't have to visit your father three times a week. You need and should think of yourself from time to time. *hug*

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.