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Finally found this forum - a ray of hope!

Spinning Plates

Registered User
Aug 3, 2015
The last seven months have been sheer hell - but finding this forum has been a rare, and valuable, ray of hope.

A quick recap.

Dad lives with Mum 90 miles away, they’re both 81. I’m their only child. There’s one neighbour who looks out for them, but that’s their only daily support.

Dad had a minor heart attack on New Year’s Eve - his 81st birthday. During 12 days in hospital having a stent fitted he developed acute confusion. He’d had it three times before, but this time it didn’t clear up. He started drinking straight from the kettle spout, going to the neighbour’s house and refusing to leave because the government were after him, getting up for work at 2am and putting on a suit, removing all the lightbulbs in the house and insisting I take him to B&Q to get them changed because they were “second hand” - some of it’s funny. If you didn’t laugh you’d cry.

In February he was admitted to hospital again with acute confusion by his doctor, but was discharged as he had capacity. Six social services visits followed. An appointment was made with Memory Services, which he cancelled.

March, and he was admitted again with acute confusion. He escaped from hospital at 2am and got a taxi home. The next morning I travelled over to collect his belongings from the hospital, during which time he took a deliberate overdose at home and nearly died during 18 hours in A&E. Do Not Resuscitate forms, the lot. He recovered, but spectacularly failed all the dementia tests in hospital and was put on a dementia ward. A breakthrough, we thought. A week later he was sent home, on the proviso that he would meet Memory Services - with a waiting time of four months.

April, and the bizarre behaviour continued, culminating in him throwing a fishtank at Mum, trying to smash his way through the patio doors with a chair, then telling the neighbours to call the police as people were trying to kill him. He was taken to hospital, sectioned, and moved to a mental health facility.

That was three months ago. I can’t speak highly enough of the facility and the work the nurses do, but his dementia is so severe that in that time he’s lost the ability to walk, his teeth (he put them in a sock, which went missing), wears a nappy and has aged about 10 years. He’s moved from a section 2 to 3, and finding a nursing home has been nigh on impossible. After many disappointments due to funding, vacancies disappearing, Dad 'failing' assessment visits, we gave up moving him nearer us (Mum was fine with that, she rarely visits him anyway). I’ve visited 15-or-so care homes to try to find one who will take him due to his advanced dementia, high risk of falls, cancer and heart problems. The unit finally found us one, still 90 miles away, but it’s £3,500 a week. The funding meeting is this month.

It has been one hell of a year. I was made redundant in April, and haven’t been able to get a job due to visiting Dad three times a week. We have our first baby due in November - hopefully we can get Dad settled in a home by then.

In all that time we’ve had very little support - until now.

I only Googled this forum today. We’ve probably been too busy to even think about if anyone could help us, and have just soldiered on. Reading through the threads has reassured me that there are people willing to help. Even just to listen. You all make such a difference!


Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
I don't know which is more shattering Spinning - all you have been through or the fact that you are to be charged £3500 a week to keep your Dad safe.

If he had cancer or heart trouble the NHS would step up to the plate - spinning or otherwise. He is a very sick man, an elderly man, with an elderly wife. Is this the best we can do for our old people?

The addition of dementia turns him into a cost problem!

Let us know how this finance meeting goes. I am going through the same myself at the moment but not at those price levels.

My very best wishes to you.


Registered User
Apr 7, 2014
Hi spinning plates glad you have found this forum it is a great place to get advice and support haven't got any advice for you but just wanted to reassure you that you will get good advice here wish I had found it a few years ago x


Registered User
Apr 5, 2010
Hi and welcome to TP.

When your Dad was sent to the home was he still on a section 3? If so he would have been released on a 117 which is the same as being in a hospital ie free. Are you saying they are going to remove funding?


Registered User
Jun 27, 2006
I'm guessing that the funding meeting is to discuss if the NHS/LA will pay that £3500 a week? I wouldn't be overly hopeful, unless the facility is prepared to accept a lesser rate. At £500 a day, that's roughly equivalent to the cost of an acute hospital bed, or even more than a non-acute one. But you never know.

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