1. Trini

    Trini Registered User

    Dec 7, 2015
    39
    MIL passed away this morning in the Nursing home where she had been for 10 days for respite care. Having been to see her last Thursday it seems like a blessed relief. She did not recognise me, needed to be hoisted, spoon fed and did not speak apart from the occasional word. What surprises me is that the family seem shocked. It's as if they have never really understood what dementia is and the fact that ultimately it was going to kill her. I thank god that she did not go on like this for years. I know some do. I have found the last few years emotionally exhausting. I do not really feel anything now but relief. That may seem heartless. Even my elder son said he did not really feel any connection. In his eyes she has not been there for some time. We can now get on and deal with the practicalities and not have to worry when the next crisis will happen.
     
  2. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,696
    Female
    South coast
    ((((hugs))))) Trini
     
  3. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,529
    Ireland
    My condolences on the loss of your mum. Even when it's expected and we know it must come as a relief to the person, their loss still leaves a huge gap in our lives.
     
  4. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    8,077
    Yorkshire
    sad news Trini
    a blessed release for your mum
    and a relief for you to know that she's now out of dementia's clutches
    grief walks its own path; go gently
     
  5. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,302
    Merseyside
    I'm so sorry. My thoughts are with you.
     
  6. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,694
    Female
    Dundee
    I'm sorry to hear of your loss. Wishing you strength for the days to come.
     
  7. cragmaid

    cragmaid Registered User

    Oct 18, 2010
    7,942
    North East England
    Condolences. I knew it was coming to my Mum long before the day arrived....I was prepared, my kids were prepared, but every now and then, some two years later, I still get a nasty little stab of pain and sadness to remind me. Take care of yourself and be glad that her suffering is over. You did your job well.x.x.
     
  8. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    8,007
    Norfolk
    Ah Trini. No, not heartless. I got the same call over my husband today at lunchtime. I'm so sorry, love. Don't think I've spoken to you on here before, but I certainly feel what you feel for the loss of a loved one.

    Courage and strength to you, xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  9. patsy56

    patsy56 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2015
    839
    Fife Scotland
    my thoughts and huggs with you
     
  10. Soobee

    Soobee Registered User

    Aug 22, 2009
    2,734
    South
    My condolences to you, and the understanding of that feeling of relief. x
     
  11. lemonjuice

    lemonjuice Registered User

    Jun 15, 2016
    1,535
    England
    Whilst obviously sad that you have lost your mother, hopefully longterm having effectively such a short phase when you 'lost' your mother will help the grieving/ healing process.

    When it does go on for a long time your son is right, because they can no longer participate in 'family life' it is all too easy to 'lose the connection'.
     
  12. Witzend

    Witzend Registered User

    Aug 29, 2007
    4,289
    SW London
    It doesn't seem heartless at all to me. Just honest.

    Although there was sadness too, my main emotion when my mother died was relief that she did not have to go on in that most pitiful, undignified state any longer. I was so painfully aware of how her former self would have been horrified at what she'd become.
    I cannot see that it's at all wrong to wish that someone in the appalling later stages of dementia could slip peacefully away.
    Do take care of yourself now. x
     
  13. nannylondon

    nannylondon Registered User

    Apr 7, 2014
    2,475
    London
    My sincere condolences to you, I understand the feeling of relief take care of yourself. Xx
     
  14. grobertson62

    grobertson62 Registered User

    Mar 7, 2011
    581
    Sheffield
    My condolences to you. A lot of us will identify with you and your feelings. Dementia is a long goodbye
    I pray for strength to carry you forward

    Sent from my SM-G930F using Talking Point mobile app
     
  15. jelba

    jelba Registered User

    Aug 1, 2012
    169
    Huddersfield
    So sorry for your loss my mum in the same way it's getting harder every visit I go to see her my thoughts are with you on this difficult time

    Sent from my LG-K120 using Talking Point mobile app
     
  16. Al-4

    Al-4 Registered User

    Dec 30, 2016
    20
    May she be at peace now and may the Lord bring comfort to you and your family in your grief.

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using Talking Point mobile app
     

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