1. Welcome to Talking Point - an online community for everyone who is affected by dementia. Whether you have dementia or know someone who does, we will be there for you.

    Sign up to join the community, or Log in if you're already a member.

    If you need help using Talking Point, read our Help pages or contact us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk

  2. Hi everyone, Talking Point is back! We’ve updated the software in order to improve security, design, and the way the community works, and introduced some helpful features.

    Find out more

final stages

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by suze, Jul 15, 2017.

  1. suze

    suze Registered User

    Oct 12, 2006
    62
    Sussex
    I haven't been on here for some weeks because my husband's decline has been shattering and shocking. He went from just nudging into moderate stages to severe within 6 weeks. I had been saying for some time that I believed he had LBD and 'experts' said no....but a scan has proved he does and now he has only weeks, possibly days, to live...
    It has all been a terrible shock as 7 weeks ago I reluctantly agreed 5-7 nights in a nursing home to give me a break from the awful nights....and I had no idea he would never come home....
    I wondered if anyone else had experienced such a decline in a short time? He was diagnosed with Alz four and a half years ago....
     
  2. Clunchman

    Clunchman Account on hold

    Dec 6, 2016
    287
    .
    I am so sorry to read your post Suze.
    My wife with Vascular Dementia has also gone into a sudden and sever decline, so I have some idea how you feel. Her decline has nose dived in 2 weeks.
    My thoughts and prayers are with you.
     
  3. suze

    suze Registered User

    Oct 12, 2006
    62
    Sussex
    heartbreaking

    Thank you, Clenchman. And mine with you...x J is in his final days. The nosediving started 7 weeks ago...
    xx



     
  4. stanleypj

    stanleypj Registered User

    Dec 8, 2011
    8,253
    North West
    I am so sorry to hear this suze. I assume other explanations such as a UTI have been ruled out?
     
  5. caqqufa

    caqqufa Registered User

    Jun 4, 2016
    128
    Yes Suze, same thing happened with us. My husband's sudden overnight transformation was almost traumatic for me. He was in hospital for three weeks and even though a nurse once gave me a sort of 'warning' (He had said something like: enjoy every minute of your time together, 'cause they can go anytime) it still hit me hard when it happened.
    My prayers with you. hugs xxxx
     
  6. Jennyc

    Jennyc Registered User

    Oct 3, 2011
    69
    Kent
    Hello Suze, I was ill in late January and reached a point where for a short while I couldn't look after my husband. He had Alzheimer's diagnosed about 6 year's earlier. We were coping up to then, he needed help eating and going to the toilet, couldn't dress himself etc, but I assumed in the great scheme of things he wasn't doing too badly.

    On February 1st my daughter managed to arrange some respite care for him. He was in the care home for a few days, then started to have falls, into hospital, out again, they said seizures. After a couple of weeks I was well enough to be able to drive again and visit him where he was now in hospital. After a few days I was told that he was "end of life", that he was to have CHC and given the details of a couple of nursing homes.

    He moved to an extraordinarily good nursing home two days later. He died on March 25th. Only 9 weeks after I first asked for help. Maybe he was worse than I realized, it was that my being there all the time meant we coped. When that prop was taken away, the whole thing collapsed. I don't know. I was full of guilt for a while, thinking if I hadn't been ill ... but in my heart I know I did everything I could for him, and till then he was happy and enjoyed life as well as he was able.

    I've been told since that it often ends this way, which is, I think, a kinder end than carrying on for years and years in a state of almost non-being.

    I hope you won't find this distressing to read, and of course your husband may well make a recovery, but I just wanted to say that yes, it can happen this quickly. Be strong, and make the most of the time you have together, I took in music, read stories, told him what was going on, grandchildren visited, we kept a day and night vigil for the last days and my younger daughter and I were with him when he died, my older daughter had been there the day before. It was calm and peaceful. I hope you have loving family around to support you, as I did.

    My thoughts are with you.
     
  7. suze

    suze Registered User

    Oct 12, 2006
    62
    Sussex
    bless you

    Hi Jenny

    My husband died yesterday evening - just 40 mins after I had left his room.
    As you say sometimes fortuitous not to decline slowly and for a long time. I feel sorry you too as both of us seem to connect rapid decline to nursing homes - although J's had started some weeks before...
    I know I did everything I could for him before that....and we have to not beat ourselves up about what we could not control.
    love


     
  8. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    8,405
    Merseyside
    I'm so sorry Suze. My thoughts are with you.
     
  9. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    53,223
    Dundee
    I'm so sorry to read your news. I so agree with your comment about not beating ourselves up. Thinking of you and wishing you strength for the days and weeks to come.
     
  10. awebdill

    awebdill Registered User

    Jun 20, 2017
    23
    So sorry to read this Suze. Thinking of you and your family xxx
     

Share This Page