Final Stage Dementia

[nicetotalk]

Just wanted to comment what a lovely son cliff is, i know it must be hard living with your partner and his mum, understand alzhiemers is diffecult and yes she probably had the illness even befor you met your partner. If you love him that much then i would try to understand a little how he is feeling its his mum. It must be difficult for you as well but i would try reading up a little on alzheimers and understanding the illness a bit more it may help

kathy

 

[chiplet]

Cliff is an absolutely wonderful son and a wonderful person, possibly the kindest I've ever met. I absolutely adore him and it pains me to see what he's going through with his mum as my grandfather suffered the same demise so I have seen it all before. I, however, didn't have him living with us for long so am finding it particularly difficult through lack of the 24/7 experience. It just feels like an endless dark tunnel and then, all of a sudden, just for a few minutes, she's back and I think "this isn't so bad" and then it goes again. I think it's the emotional rollercoaster that is wearing both myself and Cliff out. We are actually going to have a weekend away next week as this will be our first proper respite for the last year. Cannot wait as will be nice to be like a normal couple again.

 

[Skye]

Hi Chiplet

We all know about that rollercoaster, and learn to store the good days in the memory, to be brought out when times are bad.

Cliff sounds lovely, and it also sounds as if you want to make the relationship work. I'm gald about that, caring men are so worth cherishing.

I hope you enjoy your weekend away. It will be great for you to have time to concentrate on each other.

Love,

 

[Splat88]

Hello Chiplet
I sympathise with your plight. We've been married 35 years, no one can judge how you deal with this appalling situation, except you and your partner, and you are new to each other, let alone the dreaded AD!

My MIL was less than close to her son, had thrown him out in favour of a stepfather that didn't like his long hair when he was 17, and still we have her living with us. Not everyone has a happy relationship with family. I well remember at the time ( more than 5 years ago now ) as it became obvious we had to do something as MIL was not coping on her own, that my own mother and sister tried to talk me out of it, saying we'd regret it. My mum had her own mother to live with her, not through alzheimers, and could speak from experience. However, there wasn't really much option, and no matter what you both decide, and it may take several years before you decide care is best, remember it is your decision. I hope your relationship weathers the storm.

It would do some good to realise that we don't all have close and loving family relationships.

 

[Grannie G]

Splat, you deserve a medal. I know where you`re coming from and take my hat off to you.

Love xx

 

[chiplet]

splat88

Thanks for that,

I had a good chat with my councillor on Friday and have a few alternatives as to the way I handle things at home which is a great support. This weekend has not been too bad and she has seemed quite chirpy and in good spirirts but the evening has drawn in and so it begins. Once again, she has told my best mate "I don't like her and I don't want her here" even though half an hour ago I was the best thing since sliced bread for baking her her favourite lemon cake. At least I know she's had enough to eat today as cooked her a big roast and she ate the lot and then homemade tiramisu and then the lemon cake that she loves. So that's a good thing. I've come upstairs onto the net for the first time in the evening as it's better to be here than downstairs where they are arguing yet again. She's upset tonight because we told her we are going away for the weekend next weekend and so her sis is coming down to stay. She isn't happy that he wants to take me away and not her. So so sad an illness.
Anyway, always seem to feel a bit better after having messages from kind people like yourself.

Take Care of yourself

Chiplet x

 

[elwoodlpool]

Hi Chiplet,

Ive pm'ed you to apologise with the comments i made this was a really bad thing for me to do and im sorry, I have also left an apology in the forum but im not sure if you have seen it so i thought id also post on your thread once again im sorry. Please dont let my stupidity put you off

Mark

 

[Skye]

Mark, that's really kind of you. Thank you.

Chiplet, please let us know how you are getting on. We all get stressed at times, and we'd really like to know how you're getting on.

Love to both,

 

[Natashalou]

I think the partner of the son or daughter of a dementia sufferer is in a uniquely difficult position. I have been with my current partner for less than a year and we are not living together full time, and therefore his contact with my mum has been fairly minimal.
He doesnt have a great deal of understanding of dementia, but he was really horrified when I seriously toyed with the idea of trying to care for my mother at home...party because as an outsider without emotional ties to her he could see what a disaster this would be, but mainly because of his emotional attatchement to me he did not want to see me have to go through the traumas and stress of trying to cope with her when he could already see how much the little I was actually doing was affecting me.
For those who have a MIL or FIL in the home it must be a terribly difficult situation. I cannot begin to imagine how anyone copes with the extra stresses and I really admire those of you who do whether you are the son, daughter or partner of such.