I find it hard to believe that I said goodbye to mum this afternoon, I did not think I had the strength to sit with her and watch her die.
I knew mum was approaching EOL as she been intermittently refusing to eat or drink for a couple of weeks but her doctor, who saw her on Tuesday, thought she still had some strength as she resisted the blood pressure monitor and tried to bite her finger! Then I got a phone call this morning to say mum appeared very sleepy and leaning to one side so they left her in bed and called out the doctor again. While the doctor was there, mum vomited some dark fluids which he thought was blood from her stomach. Luckily discussions had already taken place to agree that mum was not to have any treatment at hospital and after talking to me, the doctor left to prescribe morphine which the district nurses would administer.
I and my brother and sister then set off to the care home to be with mum as the carers thought she did not have much time left, when I got there she was obviously in some discomfort but was not moving very much, just grunting slightly periodically. Then after an hour, her breathing went quiet and she just slipped away with us three holding her hand, very peacefully and exactly what we had hoped for. The morphine had not even arrived so she was spared the pain of having a IV drip attached.
The speed of her death has shaken me, I had been worried about how I would cope but mum just looked like she was dosing peacefully. I was very moved by the tears of the senior carers who were with us at the end, they genuinely seemed to like the feisty person mum became, even though she was still throwing food at them the other day when they spent two hours trying to persuade her to eat a little yoghurt!
Now it’s a waiting game, the doctor needs to certify the death and then there will be a post mortem as mum was not being treated for the bleeding and of course it’s a bank holiday weekend! I need to take time to come to terms with our loss before worrying about funeral arrangements or probate etc so I think I’ll raise a glass of mums favourite tipple, gin and tonic, tonight in her memory.
I knew mum was approaching EOL as she been intermittently refusing to eat or drink for a couple of weeks but her doctor, who saw her on Tuesday, thought she still had some strength as she resisted the blood pressure monitor and tried to bite her finger! Then I got a phone call this morning to say mum appeared very sleepy and leaning to one side so they left her in bed and called out the doctor again. While the doctor was there, mum vomited some dark fluids which he thought was blood from her stomach. Luckily discussions had already taken place to agree that mum was not to have any treatment at hospital and after talking to me, the doctor left to prescribe morphine which the district nurses would administer.
I and my brother and sister then set off to the care home to be with mum as the carers thought she did not have much time left, when I got there she was obviously in some discomfort but was not moving very much, just grunting slightly periodically. Then after an hour, her breathing went quiet and she just slipped away with us three holding her hand, very peacefully and exactly what we had hoped for. The morphine had not even arrived so she was spared the pain of having a IV drip attached.
The speed of her death has shaken me, I had been worried about how I would cope but mum just looked like she was dosing peacefully. I was very moved by the tears of the senior carers who were with us at the end, they genuinely seemed to like the feisty person mum became, even though she was still throwing food at them the other day when they spent two hours trying to persuade her to eat a little yoghurt!
Now it’s a waiting game, the doctor needs to certify the death and then there will be a post mortem as mum was not being treated for the bleeding and of course it’s a bank holiday weekend! I need to take time to come to terms with our loss before worrying about funeral arrangements or probate etc so I think I’ll raise a glass of mums favourite tipple, gin and tonic, tonight in her memory.