Hey all, first time poster. Have completely appreciated reading everyone's stories. So my FIL has been displaying many symptoms of dementia, we noticed little things a few years back but as you do, we put it down to 'old age' but this past year things have started to be more prominent & have become unavoidable to brush off now. During lockdown we did all his shopping, see him through the window & talked daily, everything we could possibly do to keep him safe(vulnerable due to having a heart attack years back) he seemed fine not really any concerns at all, then he started saying odd things, his neighbour who lived across from him kept putting bin bags in his bin & this made dad adamant that the neighbour was trying to get him out of his flat so he could have the flat for himself, we tried on numerous occasions to reassure dad this wasn't the case, the neighbour moved out & dad settled. We knew the neighbour very well & knew for certain he wouldn't be doing things to cause dad distress on purpose. Then dad had a small rental increase and this is where things became worse, he needed to change the amount of his standing order but as he was given a few months notice before the change come into effect, he constantly fixated on when that needed to be done we was receiving phone calls daily about the amount & when it needed to be done(hes always been a worrier, so this didnt seem so out of character) but we was having the same conversation over & over, when we finally got him round to changing the standing order we thought 'ok now thats done he'll calm down' no, he couldn't understand that the rent will come out of his bank as it always does he was asking if he needed to withdraw the extra amount to give to the landlord and this had to be explained to him so many times he eventually settled. Then the world opened up, so me, hubs & kids went on holiday, after we returned my mum explained that FIL had several days where he turned up at mum's house crying & saying that the big fella(landlord) wanted him out & blamed us for going away. The back story of landlord is they are family friends of my parents & are the most genuine people you could ever meet, never in a million years would they want someone out without a genuine reason & FIL certainly wouldn't have given them a reason, but it was in dad's mind that they wanted him out, my mum had to stop dad going on early morning walks a few times(something he has never done before). But with this happening we still couldn't admit or find a reason that something was wrong. A few months after this, we noticed behaviour that wasn't like dad whatsoever, he didn't pay a certain bill(the only one that wasn't set up as a DD) & had received a final notice, then a few weeks after it was paid, he called me saying he needed to pay it but he couldn't get the money out of the cash point we thought the machines wernt working but turns out he'd forgotten his pin number, we then took control as so many things were happening in a short space of time that we could no longer ignore, we went through his flat & ended up getting rid of 4 bags of out of date food, found letters of important appointments he had missed & when questioned he couldn't remember going to it but then said he did, so many things didn't add up that I called his GP who referred him for a memory clinic appointment. Over Christmas we noticed alot more things, for example he didn't know it was Christmas day or that he came to ours Christmas(he's only been coming since me & hubs moved in together 17 years ago) when speaking to my husband he didn't remember my name & referred to me as 'your wife', he's forgot all our names at some point. We noticed he hadn't been taking his medication properly so I got him a pill box, which didn't work at first but now seems to be ok. I accompanied him to his memory assessment & that was very upsetting, he couldn't complete the tasks properly and has been referred to another clinic who specialises in mental health/dementia etc. I know in my heart what the diagnosis will be but I'm hoping I'm wrong & clutching at straws. I just want a little glimmer of hope. I'm sorry for the long post but writing this out has somewhat helped.
FIL memory clinic assessment
- Thread starter Bubs1987
- Start date
hello @Bubs1987
a warm welcome from me too
I'm glad it helped you to write out here all that's on your mind ... that's what DTP is for ... it's a sad challenge to be faced with a probable diagnosis, so keep posting as members understand and will offer support
it is worth you looking into helping your FIL arrange LPAs so you can help him manage his affairs
www.gov.uk
a warm welcome from me too
I'm glad it helped you to write out here all that's on your mind ... that's what DTP is for ... it's a sad challenge to be faced with a probable diagnosis, so keep posting as members understand and will offer support
it is worth you looking into helping your FIL arrange LPAs so you can help him manage his affairs
Make, register or end a lasting power of attorney
How to make a lasting power of attorney (LPA): starting an application online, choosing an attorney, certifying a copy, changing an LPA.
Hi
I think sometimes instinctively you know something isn't quite right if you know someone really well ? One of the first things we had with dad was him getting behind with his gas bill. When he was well he would come for tea and one day presented a letter saying he owed quite a bit but he had no idea how to go about solving it. We have just had an appointment after nearly two years , some delays due to covid and some delays due to dad cancelling things or saying he was fine lol. LPA are something to sort out so someone can support with paying bills etc. I keep recommending the communication for memory loss , someone will probably post the link, but it really helped us think about how we needed to respond and actually lessened a lot of the stress dad was clearly feeling. It really is very useful. Sometimes rather than words, which get muddled I just give my dad a hug or hold his hand or give his arm a gentle squeeze. I cannot imagine what it must be like not to know whats going on inside your own mind. Something which Dad sometimes says - something is just not right with me but I don't know what. Keep reading and posting. It is sometimes good just to know you are not alone even if things cannot be solved xx
link to
forum.alzheimers.org.uk
Compassionate Communication with the Memory Impaired
The following piece was posted a while ago on DSF and made a big impression on me. It is something I have referred to time after time and tried hard to follow. We have many new members who may not have seen it before. Yesterday I posted it on another Thread but thought it might be helpful if...
forum.alzheimers.org.uk
Hi @Shedrech thank you for your reply, I honestly appreciate any response & advice. It really isn't an easy situation & today was an odd day with dad, I went over his & see he's not took his medication in a few days & he just really wasn't himself, but 5 minutes later hubby spoke to him & he was completely different. I have said to hubs about getting POA & advanced care plan into place so we can do what's best for dad & comply with his wishes. Thank you for the link.
Hi @SERENA50 thank you for your reply & sharing your experience. I hope your dad is well. I've gotta to give the NHS their dues(having worked for the NHS, I'm aware of the strains they face) but even with COVID they was very quick from speaking to the GP to having the appointment arranged with the memory clinic. Having worked with dementia care for many years I'd like to think I was an expert in what was an amazing & very rewarding job but honestly now it's hit so close to home, I feel in denial & somewhat lost as to the future. FIL is an amazing man & a character & it's breaking my heart knowing what's to come ❤. He has always been so competent when it comes to money, bills, appointments & medication etc so we're doing our best to reassure him he's as capable as can be. I agree it must be awful to be locked in your own mind but honestly I'm not sure what he knows.
