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Fielding questions like "When can I go home?"


Registered User
Aug 13, 2019
Hi all. Thanks for being here, and I'll try to keep this brief.

My Mum has been in a care home for 3 weeks now. She seems quite happy there, although my Dad and I don't think that she really understands where she is. When she arrived there, she thought she was visiting an old work colleague who she had been hallucinating about for the previous day. But she has appeared contented when we have video chatted with her.

Of course no visitors have been allowed at the home, but next week they are bringing their special visitors booth into action. My Dad has an appointment to see Mum.
He is worried about what to say to her if she asks something along the lines of "Why am I here? When can I come home?"
How have other people here dealt with such questions?

I know that this may sound trivial compared to the issues others here are dealing with, but I thought it was worth an ask.
Many thanks.

Canadian Joanne

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 8, 2005
Toronto, Canada
It definitely is not a trivial question. I think the best thing is to deflect the question. Would your father feel comfortable with saying something along the lines of "They are fixing the plumbing/ roof/ wiring etc and everything is a mess, so I think the day after tomorrow it should be done". Rinse and repeat when necessary. Find a reason that would be acceptable to your mother.

My mother went through a longish phase (at least, it seemed long to me) when she wanted to go visit her parents (both died in 1970). I would enthusiastically agree and say "Yes, the day after tomorrow because tomorrow I have a dentist appointment". Poor dentist, she was my excuse so often.


Registered User
Jul 9, 2018
We told mum she was in a different hospital, as well as the good tips that Canadian Joanne has mentioned, you could say you will ask the doctor when you can find him/her. I never thought I would be able to lie to my Mum and get away with it, you can become quite imaginative with your answers.