Felling Gulity but i know i shouldnt

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by worriedson1, Apr 1, 2015.

  1. worriedson1

    worriedson1 Registered User

    Jan 30, 2012
    1,837
    #1 worriedson1, Apr 1, 2015
    Last edited: Apr 1, 2015
    Didnt go down at the weekend(sat and sun) there to see my mum so i would have a couple of "Me" days but from monday and today, my insomnia has wrecking havoc, getting drunk in the house on monday and crashing out at my lap top till 7am didnt help matters and trying to catch up on sleep and my insomnia has came into play so i wont be going down today, so that's about FIVE DAYS ive not been to see her:(.

    Am i right to feel guilty or iam being silly to be polite?.
     
  2. Jessbow

    Jessbow Registered User

    Honestly? yes I'd feel guilty.

    I guess the alcohol will need to work its self out of your system before the sleeplessness goes away
     
  3. worriedson1

    worriedson1 Registered User

    Jan 30, 2012
    1,837
    #3 worriedson1, Apr 1, 2015
    Last edited: Apr 1, 2015
    Not always, infact very rarely my insomnia is caused by drinking alcohol.

    99% of the time my Insomnia just happens.
     
  4. worriedson1

    worriedson1 Registered User

    Jan 30, 2012
    1,837
    In all the time my mum has been in the home, nearly a year, this is the longest ive not been down, dont think that a bad percentage looking at it like that.
     
  5. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,962
    Brixham Devon
    Well I agree with people having 'me time':), but when you look back on your five days of not visiting how will you feel? Will the guilt increase? Do you feel guilty because today you are not visiting your Mum because of your alcohol intake on Monday? I know you say that it doesn't influence your sleeping pattern but if I went on a little bit of a bender and collapsed over my laptop, I wouldn't feel like going anywhere either;)

    Yes WS, your percentage of visiting is very good; perhaps you shouldn't dwell on things too much and put it all behind you?

    Love

    Lyn T XX

    P S try not to have 'the hair of the dog' tonight:D
     
  6. worriedson1

    worriedson1 Registered User

    Jan 30, 2012
    1,837
    I'm actually not sure how to take that message lol.

    Well to be more accurate i was slumped in my chair at my laptop!.

    I'm starting to feel this way-

    "WHY am i feeling guilty? some folk in the home get NO visitors. I should put things into perspective."

    Re my insomnia,it rarely has to do with booze but on this occasion it does.
     
  7. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,962
    Brixham Devon
    I just hoped you would get some perspective and don't dwell on not visiting too much:)

    From your previous posts I know you and your Mum have a very close relationship; perhaps you are missing her and are worried that she is missing you too?

    In my late Husband's CH there were only 15 residents and the vast majority had no visitors-that made me feel really sad. We shouldn't judge though. Who knows what is going on in relatives lives/minds?

    Cut yourself some slack, try and get some sleep and, hopefully, you will be able to visit your Mum tomorrow:)
     
  8. worriedson1

    worriedson1 Registered User

    Jan 30, 2012
    1,837
    Just called the Nursing Home and got told my mum is fine, having a doze in the lounge and i said about feeling guilty, insomnia etc and i got told not to feel guilty and also got told if anything happend they would call me.(And when things have happend they have).

    I did say i was thinking about it now in the pov of that some people there sadly dont get any visitors and im whineing as ive not been down for a few days!!! I SHOULD GET A GRIP.
     
  9. worriedson1

    worriedson1 Registered User

    Jan 30, 2012
    1,837
  10. jaymor

    jaymor Volunteer Moderator

    Jul 14, 2006
    12,556
    Female
    England
    Worriedson forget about other residents and them not having visitors, you can do nothing about them. Just get yourself sorted and back into your great routine of visiting Mum.
     
  11. Saffie

    Saffie Registered User

    Mar 26, 2011
    22,499
    Female
    Near Southampton
    The think is WS, that the other people are not your Mum.
    It is sad for them that they don't have visitors, though some may visit when you just don't see them, but why would you want it to be sad for your Mum too?
    We all have to do what we think is right in our different situations.
    You just have to do what is right for you and for your Mum.
    If that is only visiting every 5 days then fine - but I have a feeling that this isn't right for you or why would you be fretting about it.
    Just do what you feel is right for you and then do it and you won't have to worry about it any more. Best of luck.
     
  12. worriedson1

    worriedson1 Registered User

    Jan 30, 2012
    1,837
    "but why would you want it to be sad for your Mum too?" I dont "get" it...

    I am usually down to see my mum every week 4/5 days out of 7.

    Its very very very rare getting drunk triggers my insomnia but it has in this rare case. usually my insomnia just happens, shattered.
     
  13. worriedson1

    worriedson1 Registered User

    Jan 30, 2012
    1,837
    When i am down visiting my mum, i make a point of going to a few of the residents and saying hello etc and showing compassion.
     
  14. jan.s

    jan.s Registered User

    Sep 20, 2011
    7,352
    Hi Worried Son

    I would be looking at the big picture, and try to remember that you visit your mum on a regular basis, and she knows how much you care.

    We are all entitled to a break from visiting, to give ourselves "me" time. Last week I went off to Edinburgh with my fellow TPers, so didn't visit for a few days. I knew that Roger was fine, otherwise the CH would have phoned me; I also phoned to ensure he was OK, just for my own peace of mind! When I got back I couldn't wait to get in to see him! :)

    What you choose to do on your "me time" is entirely your choice - I have to admit drinking too much isn't my first choice, but, each to their own. :) Now you've had your few days, try to get yourself back on track and go to see your mum. Tiredness can be an attitude of mind, a spin off from depression.

    Enjoy your time with your mum. Remember she no doubt enjoys your time together.
     

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