1. Dragonfly10

    Dragonfly10 Registered User

    Jan 27, 2015
    24
    #1 Dragonfly10, Jan 27, 2015
    Last edited: Feb 1, 2015
    My Dad was 82 years old and in the latter stages of dementia. He was still living at home with my Mum until he got a UTI and lost the use of his legs. My Mum simply could not cope any more, so his Social Worker arranged for him to have two weeks respite care.
    He went in on Friday 16th January and up until then he was still eating small portions of food with encouragement. It was hard to get him to drink, but he would manage to drink little amounts.
    We went to visit him the next day and noticed the upstairs had an awful smell. He was laying in bed, but he had slid halfway down the bed, with his legs hanging out of the covers. His lunch was left on a table beside him, despite my Mum saying he needed assistance with feeding and drinking. We had to get some carers to lift him up the bed. He had no bed guards, they said he would be assessed for them but he never got them.
    His records were left on his chest of drawers and stated he became aggressive and had refused to leave the lounge to go to bed until 12.45 am and then was awake until 3 am. He only ate one spoonful of scrambled egg for breakfast. When we asked why they weren't helping him eat they said they couldn't force him, as they could get into trouble. He was still talking with us and making jokes.
    When my Mum went Monday she said he wasn't so good and the staff said he had diarrhoea. The staff said he wasn't eating or drinking.
    My brother went Tuesday with his little girl and both of them and my Mum were really sick the next day. I went on Thursday with my husband and youngest son. The staff said my Dad was in the lounge. We found him, I barely recognised him and he was sitting in a chair with a full china mug of tea and a tiny piece of cake. He could never have lifted that mug up. We realised his pad needed changing and it smelt the same as the other day. My Dad tried to stand up and his pad was huge and he had wet through to the chair. How long he had been waiting I can't imagine. We got two carers to shower and change him. When we went into his bedroom he could barely speak. They said he still wouldn't eat or drink and that he had probably given up. My mum managed to feed him a yogurt and a few mouthfuls of water. They said the doctor was going to get him an appointment with a Nutritionist in 4-6 weeks.
    The Nurse phoned up on the Friday and said his breathing was strange and she had called a ambulance. He was taken to hospital due to mucus in his stools and they discovered he had a chest infection and said his kidneys were in a terrible state. By now he could not speak and his eyes were vacant.
    The Doctors said his notes from the home did not make sense and that he should have been brought in much sooner. They also said if he recovered we might want to send him to a different home. My family of five were all really sick over the weekend.
    Despite the best efforts of the medical staff he died on Sunday morning. I just feel like we left him there to die. Why didn't we get help for him ?
    My Mum rang the home on Tuesday to ask about collecting his belongings and the Nurse told her no visitors were allowed due to a bug, when she asked her if it was Norovirus she replied it was. She also claimed to not have realised how ill my Dad was.
    We feel like he was let down by people who were meant to care for him.
    Sorry this is such a long post.
     
  2. Ash148

    Ash148 Registered User

    Jan 1, 2014
    276
    Dublin, Ireland
    Dear Dragonfly, you must not feel guilty. You and your family have suffered a terrible bereavement in unimaginably tragic circumstances but if anyone is at fault it is the care home. My loving thoughts are with you at this immensely difficult time.
     
  3. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,967
    Brixham Devon
    I'm so sorry to read about your Dad's passing-and the circumstances that are obviously on your mind. Nothing for you to feel guilty about-you did all that you could.Your Mum couldn't cope so something had to give.

    I wish you all peace and strength at this difficult time

    Take care of yourselves

    Lyn T XX
     
  4. Pickles53

    Pickles53 Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    2,482
    Radcliffe on Trent
    So sorry for your loss, dragonfly. Right now you will be thinking only of your dad and the funeral arrangements I'm sure. When that is over, you may want to raise your concerns with the home, the CQC, SS etc. Wishing you all peace and strength.
     
  5. Dragonfly10

    Dragonfly10 Registered User

    Jan 27, 2015
    24
    Thank you all for your kind words.
    It just feels like it all happened so unbelievably fast, I felt like I was in the middle of a bad dream last week.
    My Mum has mentioned it to her Social Worker and she said she would look into it.
    I feel for my Dads sake we should take it further afterwards , but my Mum is reluctant to do so, I can see her point of view as well.
    I'm not sure if may be the Hospital have to report it, as they asked us a lot of questions about the care home and wrote the name down.
     
  6. VickyG

    VickyG Registered User

    Feb 6, 2013
    327
    Birmingham
    Good morning Dragonfly10,

    Please accept my condolences, I am so sorry that your Dad has passed away and in the circumstances that he did. It's hard enough at any time, but to entrust your loved ones care with other's and for this to happen is heart breaking. I would be contacting Social Services and the hospital in the first instance ( if you want to proceed with investigation ) let them investigate. CQC should be contacted also, the SW can do this.

    The home where my Mum resided ( and where I also worked ) had an out break of the Norovirus bug, they shut down the home and no visitors were allowed. This was prior to confirmation that is was indeed Norovirus, they took precaution and it was contained. It's hard for relatives to not be able to visit, but essential in containment.

    Take care and look after you and your Mum x
     
  7. Dragonfly10

    Dragonfly10 Registered User

    Jan 27, 2015
    24
    Thank you VickyG. I did notice when the two carers left my Dads room after showering and changing him they still had their disposable gloves on, where most likely they went on to touch door handles, lift switches and so on. That is probably how it was passed on. My Mum did inform the Nurse yesterday of what I had seen and she said he would look into it.
    Should we wait for the Social Worker to get back to us or should we inform her we wish to complain to the CQC.
     
  8. VickyG

    VickyG Registered User

    Feb 6, 2013
    327
    Birmingham
    No worries, you're welcome.

    Cross infection and contamination are the biggest forms of spreading germs and bugs. Unfortunately, staff and residents alike do not always wash their hands properly and you know how often we touch our face / hair / clothing / worktops / backs of chairs / door handles / telephones etc etc etc
    You owe nothing to the home, so in answer to your question, I would start the complaint procedure to CQC. No, it won't bring your dear Dad back, but it can make people aware of the procedures that should be in place should there be an outbreak of something that is so highly infectious, and maybe prevent it happening again.

    Good luck and let us know how you get on
    x
     
  9. Dragonfly10

    Dragonfly10 Registered User

    Jan 27, 2015
    24
    Thanks for all the advice. My Mums Social Worker rang her today and asked her a lot more questions and said she had referred the matter and would be taking it up with the CQC.
    I am still feeling so tired with everything. I haven't been sick since Sunday night and I am sleeping about nine hours a night, which is really good for me. However I wake and feel just as tired, I read online it can take about 2 weeks to stop feeling so tired. I just think with losing my Dad on top of all that and getting upset to think of him being neglected it's more of a drain on my emotional energy as well.
    I will let you know more when I find out anything.
     
  10. VickyG

    VickyG Registered User

    Feb 6, 2013
    327
    Birmingham
    Hi again,

    I bet you're exhausted with it all :( Let the SW deal with it all now, and concentrate on getting better and looking after yourself.
    Losing any loved one is really hard, I totally sympathise with you, and to be feeling ill and tired on top of that, well it just makes everything worse.

    Take care and get some rest
    x
     
  11. Dragonfly10

    Dragonfly10 Registered User

    Jan 27, 2015
    24
    Thanks, you do say some nice things and make it seem clearer.x
     
  12. VickyG

    VickyG Registered User

    Feb 6, 2013
    327
    Birmingham
    Aww, you're welcome, and anytime ! x
     
  13. Gigglemore

    Gigglemore Registered User

    Oct 18, 2013
    526
    British Isles
    Dragonfly - so sorry for the loss of your Dad and for the upsetting circumstances. I hope your Mum is coping, I am sure she will need a lot of support from you and the rest of the family to come to terms with what happened.

    I am glad the SW has taken up the neglect issue. You and the family have enough to cope with the grief of his sudden death without having to start fighting battles about what went wrong in the respite home.

    Take care.
     
  14. WIFE

    WIFE Registered User

    May 23, 2014
    857
    WEST SUSSEX
    So sad for your loss Dragonfly - that Norovirus is a miserable bug but especially for someone in a Care or Nursing Home with little strength or resistance. I caught it at my Husband's NH on Christmas Day and was not able to visit for six days - quite a short time really - but did not recover my usual energy for quite a while. Nothing will bring your Dad back sadly but if you can find better closure by taking the Respite Home to task then I would. Thinking of you and your family at this sad time. WIFE
     
  15. Dragonfly10

    Dragonfly10 Registered User

    Jan 27, 2015
    24
    #15 Dragonfly10, Jan 31, 2015
    Last edited: Feb 1, 2015
    Thank you Gigglemore and WIFE for your nice comments.
    Not a good day today for my Mum or me. My Mum asked me if I thought she had been a good wife, I managed to convince her she had.
    I feel really low today and so drained of energy.
    The funeral isn't until 11th February, it seems so long away. I feel like it's hanging over me.
    It seems ages since my Dad died but it's only a week tomorrow, is this normal ? We seem to have lost all track of time, it feels like everything is in slow motion.
     

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