feelings of guilt

Jodie Lucas

Registered User
Dec 3, 2005
Hi everyone,

Haven't posted in a while. Last time mentioned that my gran had been referred to memory clinic and didn't do too badly on tests but has been referred for CT scan etc. Although there isn't an official diagnosis yet, things seem to be getting worse week by week. Last weekend she got lost in her car going from her house to a place she knows very well about a mile or two away. She was out for about an hour and did find her way back. She went over to her partner's and was very upset and found the whole thing frightening.

Although the above worries me a lot, I am also worried about my own feelinggs towards her. Before she got problems I didn't like her that much and only spent time with her when I had to really. This whole thing seems to have changed her into a nicer person and she always tells me what a wonderful time she has with me if we have lunch, coffee etc. I just generally find that I like her more since she has been experiencing these problems....and i feel terribly guitly about that. To like someone more when they are experiencing these problems. i was just wondering if anyone else felt like that? As far as I can tell grans still in fairly early stages at the moment.



Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
Hiya Jodie,
I am sure that you are not on your own - I think dementia softens some people - maybe as they lose some confidence they become more dependent on others - don't feel guilty, that would just be a waste of energy. Enjoy your time with your gran.
It is so good when this illness gives us things to be happy about - embrace it!
Love Helen


Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
I felt like that with my mother , I warm more to her when she became ill , because she became nicer , mind you not all the time , also are relationship got better , that it would never of if she had not got ill with AZ.

Also my children who are older now , have a better relationship with my mother , even I as a parent sometime don’t like my children , how they act , what they do , but then that does not mean I don’t love them.

So try not feel guilty its normal what your feeling now towards your grandmother
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Registered User
Feb 22, 2007
East Yorkshire
Guilt seems unavoidable

It's ironic that many people feel guilty because they don't like their 'mother' who has dementia, even though they didn't like them before they had it and you feel guilty because you like your Gran better now she has dementia. I guess we can't avoid the feelings of guilt when facing such a faceless condition!



Registered User
May 24, 2006
Dementia seems to exagerate the previous personality of the sufferer

My Mother became much nastier than before but she always had a cutting tone /attitude to everything before and treated people very differently inc my sister and myself whom she tried to deliberately play one off against the other

Hence I found her even harder to deal with in VD and when she told the Phychiatrist I was her Sister ( whom she hated and had not seen for 50 years) that realy drove the knife in


Registered User
Feb 22, 2006
sort of north east ish
Jodie Lucas said:
To like someone more when they are experiencing these problems. i was just wondering if anyone else felt like that?
Hi Jodie .......... Yes! absolutely! and I thought for a long time I was the only one. I really couldn't be doing with my dad before he was ill. He didn't do anything wrong ..... never did anything really and it was hard to get close to him. When he was ill he got a lot more "cuddly" .... that's probably not the right word, but he'd love to be close and we'd snuggle up and watch TV together in the nh. And his smile when he saw me arrive was just to die for.

And ..... secretly .... one of the other things I loved was the way that the mild mannered, rather 'beige' sort of man for 87 years turned into a bit of a hell raiser around the nh. Stripping off, wearing women's clothes, squaring up to carers. Aw bless him.