• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can be found in our area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

Feelings and Emotions

Angtrog

Registered User
Mar 25, 2020
75
As some of you already know my OH was diagnosed in march this year with vascular dementia, he has had a few chest infections over the months the last one being in june thought it had gone but hadnt saw dr give him more antibiotics hadnt cleared up then we saw the dr again last week another dose of antibiotics.He seems a lot better now but what I thought was the infection that was making him more confused wasnt it is the dementia. His dementia has progressed and sometimes he thinks Im the other woman in the house.
My family are really worried about me think Im not coping very well ,my mother keeps asking me if I have been in touch with social services yet and feels really sorry for me, and said What will you do when he doesnt recognise you? . I havent been very well myself as I have a bad ear and the doctors are not syringing ears at the moment and it has been getting me down. My sister is a district nurse and she thinks I might need some rest and suggested I think about putting my OH in a care home for a while. I dont need any one to feel sorry for me , but I think I might of been in denial with my OH dementia and it has just dawned on me now what is going to happen. Sometimes I think I wish he would just hurry up and die (GOD FORGIVE ME) THIS IS SO CRUEL
My Dermentia Support Worker had been in touch with my GP to refer him back to the Memory Clinic, they wont see him because there is nothing they can do for him no medication to treat it can only step in if he becomes violent . That is sticking in my mind as well . All and all I dont know what to do I take every day as it comes but I didnt realize what it was going to be like . Sometimes I wait until My OH is in bed and I have a good cry.I know there most be others out there that are in my shoes right now that might be able to help .Lockdown hasnt helped because there are no memory cafes or even day centres where my OH could go to. He has become very clingy (I understand why now ) and wants my undivided attention . part of me feels like running away but I cant. I love him dearly but sometimes I think I cant do this
 

Just me

Registered User
Nov 17, 2013
391
Hi @Angtrog, a lot of what you say mirrors what is happening to me looking after my mum who was diagnosed with vascular dementia in 2015.

I think most people go through what you are feeling, it seems we get on with life then suddenly reality hits.

By and large I’ve coped but since the beginning of the year I realised it was becoming too hard and just when I was thinking of care homes lockdown was imposed, no day care or outings out, no chiropodist or hairdresser and I believe this has had a negative effect and mums condition has deteriorated at an alarming rate.

I feel as if I’m starting over and having to accept the reality that she won’t get better, even though I thought I’d already accepted it. I’m also finding it more and more difficult to cope and watch my life getting narrower with nothing to look forward not helped by COVID-19.

On a practical note, I’m surprised that the memory clinic say they’ll only step in if your husband becomes violent. When I was struggling with mums behaviour in May we were referred back to the memory clinic and after a phone consultation she was prescribed some tablets to help with the anxiety.
Sadly they didn’t work but although there is nothing to treat vascular dementia, there is medication to help with anxiety, depression if appropriate.
Is your husband on any medication? Could your GP refer you back to the MC to discuss options.

Have you Carers coming in, if not would that help and give you a bit of respite?

Its tough living with dementia and as you say there are others going through the same as you and sometimes knowing that helps.
I hope things become a little easier x
 

Pusskins

Registered User
Jun 6, 2020
89
New Zealand
@Angtrog Your situation is very similar to mine. Like you, I too wish this evil condition would end soon rather than drag on. I even think that I will pop off first, I am under such strain and have many health conditions to deal with. MH too is very dependent upon me. He pines if we are parted at all, which is why I find it difficult to put him into respite care. After approx 12 months battling this alone, with no family or friends to help out, I am finally getting home help and in home respite care. I am in NZ so things might be different here. Can you approach social services for help? You're not alone. We all feel the emotions you are experiencing. Some days, due to my health, I just don't think I can continue for another day. Then, luckily, I get a second wind, have a good day with MH, by which I mean he actually co-operates with me for a change and I can carry on. I suppose it's best to just take it one day at a time. If I look ahead, I get totally freaked out.
 

Angtrog

Registered User
Mar 25, 2020
75
Due to the fact that he has had at least several mini strokes and at the front of the brain there is nothing they can do for him, the consultant looked at his medication and said he was on every thing he should be. Atorvsatin to stop bleeds I think it is for. all he said was( try not to have another stroke)
The thing is when Im out and ring to check if he is ok all I get is "when are you coming back", then I start to feel guilty but I need to go shopping.
I have been his full time carer since march and Im doing everything now I dont mind and I think Im coping but I seem to be rushing about from one place to another and rushing to get home. I dont really want carers in but I could do with a little me time all I want is some one to sit with him when Im out shopping or if I want to meet up with a friend for a coffee. I cant really see a carer doing that?
 

Just me

Registered User
Nov 17, 2013
391
Due to the fact that he has had at least several mini strokes and at the front of the brain there is nothing they can do for him, the consultant looked at his medication and said he was on every thing he should be. Atorvsatin to stop bleeds I think it is for. all he said was( try not to have another stroke)
The thing is when Im out and ring to check if he is ok all I get is "when are you coming back", then I start to feel guilty but I need to go shopping.
I have been his full time carer since march and Im doing everything now I dont mind and I think Im coping but I seem to be rushing about from one place to another and rushing to get home. I dont really want carers in but I could do with a little me time all I want is some one to sit with him when Im out shopping or if I want to meet up with a friend for a coffee. I cant really see a carer doing that?
I’m sure some care agencies offer a sitting service and Age UK too.
You could also try any local dementia charities and see what they offer. Crossroads also offer a sitting service, they closed in our area as local funding was withdrawn but they may still be running in your area.
 

vannesser

Registered User
Apr 4, 2016
358
Due to the fact that he has had at least several mini strokes and at the front of the brain there is nothing they can do for him, the consultant looked at his medication and said he was on every thing he should be. Atorvsatin to stop bleeds I think it is for. all he said was( try not to have another stroke)
The thing is when Im out and ring to check if he is ok all I get is "when are you coming back", then I start to feel guilty but I need to go shopping.
I have been his full time carer since march and Im doing everything now I dont mind and I think Im coping but I seem to be rushing about from one place to another and rushing to get home. I dont really want carers in but I could do with a little me time all I want is some one to sit with him when Im out shopping or if I want to meet up with a friend for a coffee. I cant really see a carer doing that?
I I’m the same as you my ho all ways wonts me here 247.i only go shopping and if I am out more then 30 minutes he gets angry and upset so our daughter rings me it upsets her that mutch she can not Handel it .he as had it 4 years know .and yes you need to take it a day at a time some times it can be ok most of day then come 5 it’s hell if he starts sundowning. He as been bed bound for 8 weeks witch don’t help .he gets hoisted to chair by cares that had to start coming 8 weeks a go .

Hope you get some help soon
 

Angtrog

Registered User
Mar 25, 2020
75
Yes sundowning is a nightmare shut the curtains early last night as it was dark earlier on. OH went to bed about 9.00 pm at least I could sit and have a bit of a rest. Thanks for the advice just me will certainly look into that.
 

big l

Registered User
Aug 15, 2015
52
It is a prison sentence. You're sharing a cell with the person you love, but that person's' being' is no longer there. The anger, sadness, despair, heartache, depression, resentment and STRESS do seem to climax every now and again in a huge outpouring of grief and anger as coping takes its toll and sanity wobbles as everything slips away. And then, after a further, and continuous slide in cognition and mobility, apathy throws its shroud over everything. Not helped at all by day centres being closed for the foreseeable future and support groups too, that certainly hasn't helped any of us. I've just restarted the grandad sitter service (Crossroads) after the lock down. Two hours a week. A mini holiday! Take care out there - we will all carry on struggling to swim and keep our heads above water - but, oh, wouldn't some arm bands be great!
 

Angtrog

Registered User
Mar 25, 2020
75
My words exactly but some of us you would get less time for a prison sentence then what we are all doing at the moment. Good luck with the grandad sitter service, when are you coming over to mine?
 

Members online

Forum statistics

Threads
116,517
Messages
1,703,815
Members
67,294
Latest member
Tsreck