1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. tassie devil

    tassie devil Registered User

    Aug 15, 2006
    15
    Hi guys, haven't written for a while now, but at the moment am feeling very, very low and very, very teary! Going through a really difficult stage at the moment. Mum has had some major changes going on for her. She has again lost her bank card and was very confused as to where she lost it. Luckily no money are card were lost, the cash machine took both! We have sent off the EPA and waiting to hear back. In the meantime instead of giving Mum another card we though it was best to keep it and give her spending money each week. The thinking was when the EPA comes through, she won't be able to use the card anyway! That was one issue.

    The other is she has 3 tortoise's. Now as these haven't been the daily routine for sometime, it's a nightmare trying to make her see that they need special care at the moment. As both my brother and I have seen her temper, we've told my sister who lives in Ireland to come and sort it out. She's now arrived and has arranged for a friend to have them for a couple of months to build them up etc.

    What is more upsetting is the anger and frustation that Mum is showing. She physically punched my brother in the back and arms all because he let her dogs go up the garden and she didn't want them to! Mum and I were talking last week and she lost her temper with me for no reason, she didn't hit me but was so upset and angry that she was physically shaking.

    It really is so upsetting to see and how do we deal with this? I feel so low and depressed and want to run from it all but can't.
     
  2. Roma

    Roma Registered User

    Jan 15, 2008
    122
    UK
    Hi tassie devil

    Just wanted you to know that you're not alone in how you're feeling I'm also feeling very low myself today.

    I don't know about you but I feel as though I can never relax as there's always some other problem to be dealt with. I dread the phone ringing now, sometimes six or seven times a day, usually about something trivial like she can't turn the telly on and trying to explain how to do it is like speaking to someone in a foreign language. Then she puts the phone to one side while she goes and has a look at it and then doesn't come back to the phone, leaving me screaming down the receiver that I'm still here!!! This just happended this morning so it's still raw.

    I'm just sick of the responsiblity and also the feelings of guilt that I'm having these feelings. I just want my life back. I want to be able to go away for a few days without having to sort her out first. It's hard enough trying to run my own house and life without having hers to run as well. God I sound like a right selfish cow.

    Sorry tassie devil, I had started this post trying to make you feel better and instead start ranting on about my problems instead.

    I think losing things is part and parcel of Alzheimer's. Just giving her money each week is a good idea. That's what I do. I have an EPA with my brother but when my dad died and long before she got Alzheimer's, she put my name on her current account so I can draw money out for her when she needs it, pay the bill for the carers and buy any clothes or food she needs so I don't use the EPA at the moment.

    It must be very upsetting for you when you see your mother acting in a way that is out of character.

    I hope you have someone you can talk to as well as to vent on TP. I have my partner but I'm the sort of person who once I'm back home and away from my mother then the last thing I want to do is talk about it or anything to do with Alzheimer's. It's my way of coping. That and American sitcoms!!

    Take care

    Roma x
     
  3. tassie devil

    tassie devil Registered User

    Aug 15, 2006
    15
    Thanks Roma, sometimes it's just knowing that there are other people in the same position! It's only my brother and I dealing with Mum as my sister has moved away and my other brother just doesn't visit (we've tried to get him to help). We too get the calls, but if Mum doesn't want to hear what your saying she slams the phone down! Even if your calling to see how things are, bad mood = down with the phone!!

    I do feel selfish for venting off, but like you say, it's bad enough dealing with your own house without having to think for someone else as well.

    Thanks again:)
     
  4. andrear

    andrear Registered User

    Feb 13, 2008
    402
    Yorkshire
    Hi Tassie Devil and Roma

    I can really relate to you both. I seem to do nothing but weep at the moment. Dad has dementia and mum is terminally ill with cancer. Dad is very aggressive and today I came home with more bruises as a lot of his aggression is taken out on me. It didn't help that when I was bathing mum I found another lump which I then had to casually mention without putting the fear of god in her.

    I'm under medication but am having a lot of difficulty with getting it right and my GP has referred me on for consultation with a consultant as she feels that I am really getting to breaking point.

    I can't put dad into a home as mum would never forgive me, but just for a while I would really like myh life back. I know its never going to be the same but it feels like I am really on my own in this. Its the guilt associated with everything that really makes it worse for me.
    Andrea
     

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