1. berkeley

    berkeley Registered User

    Sep 28, 2012
    58
    Hampshire
    It's just 2 months since I lost Peter. I coped well with the aftermath and managed Xmas OK, but nowvI am so lost. I cannot deal with sympathetic family and friends I just want to be left alone. Some days I don't even get out of bed. Just wanted to write this down as my head is spinning.
     
  2. CCM2013

    CCM2013 Registered User

    Feb 7, 2013
    32
    London
    Well two months is so recent isn't it. I am so sorry for your loss. The grief cuts so deep. I think you should allow yourself to have bad days where you don't get out of bed and really let your feelings envelope you. I think if you keep avoiding them and distracting yourself the grief just gets bottled up tightly and that's not healthy.
    I wish you some peace now that Christmas is over to mourn your loved one and find your own path through the grieving process.,
    Thoughts and prayers are with you.


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  3. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,731
    Berkeley you say 2 months but it must have been an absolutely awful soul destroying and packed 2 months - you have your OH death, the funeral and all the fall out followed straight away by Christmas, New Year and now the flattest coldest months of the year. I'm not surprised you feel awful xxxxx

    You've crashed. It will change but I agree you need to leave yourself some space now - do what you want to, when you want to do it and if that involves staying in bed all day then do it!

    It might help to join a local bereavement group - I know some people shudder but when my husband died I went to the Hospice bereavement group and it was my life saver - i only went for one group session every couple of months but I went straight away and it made me feel as ok as i could just to be in a group with other people who understood. You might not want to and you might think 'she's mad the last thing i need is that' but I would urge you to give it a try. If you don't like it you can leave but you do need to talk and sometimes family and friends are either too close or not too much help.

    I really feel for you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxTake care of yourself and please keep posting xx
     
  4. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    Sweetie, your grief is so very raw, and your feelings are so understandable. There is grief, and there is Alzheimer's grief, when, over a period of time, we have had to witness our loved ones slipping away from our grasp, whilst trying to keep caring, and going on.

    If you're anything like I was, you've been operating on autopilot for the last 2 months, and now the reality has hit you. And you just want to cocoon yourself in a shell. Many friends have a need to be sympathetic, at a time when you just can't cope with it.

    Whatever suits you is the right thing. You've lost the love of your life, and if you don't feel like company, at the moment, that's fine. Just try to eat something at regular intervals, and when you feel the need for company, or just want to talk, you know there are a lot of us here, who are only too willing to listen. Sending you cyber hugs xxx
     
  5. berkeley

    berkeley Registered User

    Sep 28, 2012
    58
    Hampshire
    Thank you. Afraid I am alienating those close to me but can't keep pretending I am coping.
     
  6. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    The effort of nailing a smile on your face is just too much - at the moment. If you respond to those close to you by saying that you appreciate their kindness, very much, but you just want to be alone for a while, and will contact them when you're able to, hopefully they will understand.

    I lost John on 23rd December 2014, and his birthday was on Christmas Day. After the funeral, and the "sorting things out" period, I couldn't see the point in my life, as it had been linked to his for so long.

    I still have my down days, but like so many of the lovely people on here, I'm trying to crawl out of the pit. Some days, weeks even, I get quite a long way up. :) Other days are awful, especially anniversaries. All I can offer you is sympathy and understanding by the shed-load.

    There's no Richter Scale of how long a particular period lasts, and grief is terribly hard for some of us to deal with, and can hit you like a ton of bricks. The very fact you've posted on here is great. We're all here for you. And we do understand xxxxx
     
  7. Eleonora

    Eleonora Registered User

    Dec 21, 2012
    170
    Abingdon Oxfordshire
    I think that you and I are in the same boat, Berkeley.
    My dear Michael died seven weeks ago, and I, too, am spending a
    lot of, (far too much) time in bed. I like being in bed.
    I just can't concentrate on doing anything useful,
    not even making a simple meal for myself.
    I was his 24/7 carer for nine years; and when he died, at home,
    he was holding my hand.
    I appear to be cheerful, if rather subdued, to those few I meet;
    but now, looking at my life, I find a blank sheet, stretching
    away into the future.
    After fifty two years together, we were almost fused into one
    person; and I feel as though half of me has been torn away.
    That sort of injury bleeds!

    "This too will pass." Or so we are told.
    Not a lot of comfort at the moment, but I do know it to be true.
    We must just grit our teeth, and hang on through the
    switchback of grief.
    I offer a sisterly hug to you in our mutual sadness.
    Leonora
     
  8. berkeley

    berkeley Registered User

    Sep 28, 2012
    58
    Hampshire
    Thank you Leonora. We do indeed seem like kindred spirits. I too spend hours in bed with no reason to get up. I was Pete's sole carer for 7 years, married for 40 years.Life is a pretence. Double hugs back to you.
     
  9. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,540
    Ireland
    I think you are both doing well, and just telling it like it is. My William is six months dead now, and there are many days - particularly this time of year - when if I had no real need to get up, I wouldn't. But the cat and hens need feeding, and I work for a couple of hours on two mornings each week. So I have to get up. We will all come through ok, eventually. I know it, because I see my mum doing well, 15 years after my dad died. It took her a while, but she took the reins of her life and has managed, through illness and hip and knee replacements, and is still bravely making her way and doing ok. And so shall we.
     

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