Yes, its often the small things and difficult to explain to other people.
The main points to consider are:
Is she safe, or is she out walking and getting lost? Does she switch on electrical items and then forget about them?
Is she dressing appropriately for the weather or does she forget to put on a coat?
Does she leave the front door open?
Is she managing her home, paying bills and doing things like putting out the bins?
Is she eating properly?
Is she taking her medication properly?
Is she clean, or is she not washing/changing her clothes?
Is she frightened at home?
The answers to these sort of questions will tell you whether she is still OK at home.
I must say, though, that I would start looking at care homes as they often have waiting lists.
Thank you for this - it's a good way to measure where we are now and any decline over time. How many would you say someone would need to do in order for you to feel confident they could live alone? (I know it's so personal and individual but it feels very reassuring to hear what other people - who know more than us - think).
This is where we are now:
Is she safe, or is she out walking and getting lost? -
She walks every day around a small park nearby, no problems. When we take her on bigger walks she has started to go the wrong way, but that only happens when we take her so it's not unsafe.
Does she switch on electrical items and then forget about them?
Once or twice the oven, but not often - more likely these days she will forget how to turn it on.
Is she dressing appropriately for the weather or does she forget to put on a coat?
Yes, she's fine with dressing appropriately.
Does she leave the front door open?
No, but once or twice left house / car unlocked.
Is she managing her home, paying bills and doing things like putting out the bins?
Since my FIL died my OH has managed all paperwork / bills / insurance - she didn't want to do any of it as she isn't confident with paperwork and can't use a computer. She recycles and puts the bins out (with a few exceptions) but has recently stopped bagging the rubbish and it's quite strict round here so they may stop collecting which is worrying. She also goes through our rubbish, perhaps in fear we are throwing something of hers away by mistake.
Is she eating properly?
She has eaten really well since the cancer, but had gone from 4 meals a day to 2-3 from what we could see when we got back this time. If we buy food and put it in the fridge (and it's familiar and simple to make) she will tend to eat it - but she has forgotten the healthy snacks she used to buy herself and pride herself on eating. She isn't allowed to drive so has stopped shopping even though its a short walk to the shops.
Is she taking her medication properly?
No, but to be fair even the carer mixed it up - it's very complex. My OH is managing the carers managing the medicine at the moment.
Is she clean, or is she not washing/changing her clothes?
She still washes, does her hair in rollers when we go out for dinner, dresses in clean clothes, etc. She is bright and chatty when we take her out.
Is she frightened at home?
No, she was at first (when FIL died) and we stayed for a long time until she was ok again - now she fluctuates between loving our presence in the house and getting annoyed at us for being there, as probably all parents do!
As you can see it's a mixed bag - what do you think? I appreciate your comment about researching care homes now, regardless, just to be prepared. But it's hard to judge how far away that time might be - or even if we're in denial and it should be now!
