A few years ago, I had it all. A lovely family,a great husband, 2 amazing kids, a job, a loving and kind mum and dad who were my best friends and my world. Everything was great. Then 2 years ago, after a period of feeling my mum was depressed we were given the devastating news that mum had Alzheimer’s. She was in her early 70s. She was beautiful. She was my kids wonderful nanny. She was everything to me. I was initially shocked, I didn’t believe it could be real. They must have got it wrong. Then suddenly, almost as if her diagnosis had unlocked something in us all, it was blindingly obvious that mum had this horrific disease. I will never forget my dad calling me, flustered and breathless. “ your mum didn’t recognise your brother today”he said. It hit me like a slap in the face.The months that followed were simply hideous. Mum was scared, aggressive, hallucinating, hearing things, imagining things, Calling the police as an intruder ( my dad)was in the house. I lost count of how many times he called me from the car in their driveway having been thrown out again. It was becoming unbearable. We didn’t know what to do. This was killing him. At 80 he was worn out. Then continence became an issue and this finally broke my dad. He knew he couldn’t handle it anymore, nor did we want him to.
So we put mummy in a care home. This decision, although it was the only option we had, Has literally broken me and the rest of our family. The sadness and guilt we feel is never talked about, we all pretend we think it’s for the best but it is killing us all. We can’t say anything though as we know dad simply can’t cope. Mummy is fading away daily. I live far away so travel every couple of weeks to see her and I feel it’s really affecting my own family life. My husband is left with the kids for long stretches as a time as I embark on these endless lonely and heartbreaking visits. My sister has fallen out with me as she is left with it all. Nothing is do is good enough in her eyes. My brother visits but he is more practical and isn’t as emotional about it all. I am suddenly very alone. I now feel I need to give up work as I want to see more of my own kids, who get very upset each time I leave. I literally feel my life is crumbling around me and the person I need to talk to, the only one who would understand, isn’t there anymore. I miss her so, so much. I hate this disease with every inch of my being. The bleakness of this situation is grinding me to a halt and I don’t know what to do.
So we put mummy in a care home. This decision, although it was the only option we had, Has literally broken me and the rest of our family. The sadness and guilt we feel is never talked about, we all pretend we think it’s for the best but it is killing us all. We can’t say anything though as we know dad simply can’t cope. Mummy is fading away daily. I live far away so travel every couple of weeks to see her and I feel it’s really affecting my own family life. My husband is left with the kids for long stretches as a time as I embark on these endless lonely and heartbreaking visits. My sister has fallen out with me as she is left with it all. Nothing is do is good enough in her eyes. My brother visits but he is more practical and isn’t as emotional about it all. I am suddenly very alone. I now feel I need to give up work as I want to see more of my own kids, who get very upset each time I leave. I literally feel my life is crumbling around me and the person I need to talk to, the only one who would understand, isn’t there anymore. I miss her so, so much. I hate this disease with every inch of my being. The bleakness of this situation is grinding me to a halt and I don’t know what to do.