feeling the lowest ever

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by tuffydawn, Sep 1, 2018.

  1. tuffydawn

    tuffydawn Registered User

    Mar 30, 2015
    oh is even more restless even with the constant increase of drug ( i keep asking doctors for something to calm him and relax him so he could just be happy to sit for a while but everything they offer has failed) toilet issues have got so much worse he used to sleep most of the night but in last week now he is up and down in the night i try and just stay in bed but concerned what state the bathroom may be in if i dont get up and check he looks exhausted and ill at times but still his brain won't let him rest checked him out for urine infection but he is clear i am totally exhausted just dont know how more i can stand i dont beleive he is bad enough for care home I am sure others out there are coping with much worse but for the first time ever i thought about it just because of my own state of mind that made me feel so so quilty just want this whole thing to stop
  2. Prudence9

    Prudence9 Registered User

    Oct 8, 2016

    @tuffydawn I'm sure you're too tired to think about this but please give the Admiral Nurse helpline a call in the morning.
    You may need to leave a message but they WILL call you back within a couple of hours after looking in to your problem.
    They are so helpful and very reassuring.
    I hope you have a more peaceful night tonight.
  3. tuffydawn

    tuffydawn Registered User

    Mar 30, 2015
    thank you i didnt know they existed but i think its what i need advise and help
  4. Prudence9

    Prudence9 Registered User

    Oct 8, 2016
    They've helped me so much in the past, I'm sure they'll give you some practical options....they are also there for emotional support too.
    Good luck xxx
  5. Normaleila

    Normaleila Registered User

    Jun 4, 2016
    Hi tuffydawn
    I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. You don't have to 'prove' that your dear husband is 'bad enough' for a care home. It may just be that the time has come to find him the level of care he needs in the most suitable care home.
  6. karaokePete

    karaokePete Registered User

    Jul 23, 2017
    N Ireland
    Hello @tuffydawn, if you have any difficulty with the help line that's already been given, we also have a help line and the details are

    National Dementia Helpline
    0300 222 11 22
    Our helpline advisers are here for you.
    Helpline opening hours:
    Monday to Wednesday 9am – 8pm
    Thursday and Friday 9am – 5pm
    Saturday and Sunday 10am – 4pm
  7. PJ

    PJ Registered User

    Jan 26, 2017
    Hi @tuffydawn so sorry to read your struggle it’s tottaly understandable to feel exhausted. I hope you get some helpful advice from the Admiral nurses or the dementia helpline.
    Always remember you’re not alone we are all here to help support each other :)
  8. Ernest

    Ernest Registered User

    Jan 23, 2018
    Hi @ tuffydawn,
    I'm going through a similar thing so you have done me a favour writing this post !! It's very,very hard but you,like me, need to listen to what others tell you, difficult as it is !! My OH. is now in residential care since June. Apart from his immobity, his incontinence became a real issue. I'm told that one of the symptoms of dementia is that suffers don't get the message straight away that they need the loo.. My OH had a cammode by our bed. He would get up numerous times a night stand over it and do nothing. 2 minutes later he'd be up again, nothing, then he'd wet the bed!! Pads leaked and funny as it sounds, when he did manage to make it in time, I was amazed how much wee he produced !!!!!
    I'm not dealing with him being there very well yet. He looks so well BUT even though it keeps going through my mind that I could manage him at home I know I couldn't. I feel so much better. Everyone will say you need to think of yourself. Easier said than done but do try it. CH don't have to be permanent. Give one a go to have some respite. It might work !!

    Good luck and are all with you xx
  9. Jean1234

    Jean1234 Registered User

    Mar 19, 2015
    Hi tuffydawn
    I had to reply to your post as I can so relate to your state. I was going through exactly what you are now a few weeks ago. The up and down at night ( never getting more than three hours broken sleep at night) till I was practically on my knees with exhaustion. The toilet issues which were getting steadily worse.Your words ‘I just want it to stop’ was exactly how I felt. I was lucky enough to have a very good key worker who could see I was going under and who arranged two weeks respite for me. My OH is now in residential Care because after a further two weeks at home it was obviously to everyone that I couldn’t cope anymore on my own. The hardest decision to make to agree to him going in and I am still finding it difficult to come to terms with it but now looking back I can see that just one person can’t do what a team of Carers do and I did make the right decision. Someone at that time said that if you are considering a care home then it is probably getting to the time when it is becoming necessary. Do ask about respite care as if you go under who will look after your OH then. Your health and well-being is just as important.

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