Hi everyone... My Mom was diagnosed with ALZ about 6 years ago - 1 year after my father died. She could no longer cope with living on her own and though I dreaded it - I brought her to live with me as there was no where else for her to go. The truth of the matter is that I never had a good or close relationship with my Mom because she was always a very cool, OCD type housekeeper which she would do till the late hours of the night and my late brother and I had a pretty sad and lonely upbringing as she was just not a 'child friendly' person at all. But I realized that she needed help with washing, dressing, eating, etc, etc so I tried to put my negative feelings towards her in the past and to simply look at her as a human being who developed this miserable illness and that she needed help. I really DO by very best to take care of her every need but I find that with each passing day, I have started to have great difficulty to not resent her. I am now stuck in my tiny flat 24/7 to take care of her and gradually, my social life and friends just disappeared as no one ever liked Mom and especially now that she has AD - I find myself totally alone which at times causes me to cry endlessly as I fear that I am just not 'cut out' to deal with her worsening AD and I carry so many hurts and traumas from my childhood years that I wonder if I will be able to keep on being kind, loving and caring towards her till the very end.
I don't like in the UK and our social services here, especially for the elderly, even more so for the elderly with AD is practically non-existent unless one is super wealthy and you can then home these folks in a luxury care facility for people with AD.
I don't want to come across as being cold hearted or an uncaring type of woman but in the past 6 months or so I have even considered taking my own life because I often feel SO alone with this awful illness and being only 58 - I actually dread that Mom will live still for many years to come and I am starting to fear that I just won't be able to cope taking care of her for endless more years. (Longevity runs in her family but those members who also developed AD - they were automatically sent into excellent Alz/Dem care homes which is top-notch in the Netherlands.
I was wondering if there might be any other carers on this site who might come from similar circumstances to my own and who might be able to offer me hints and tips as to how I can cope with this *HUGE*dilemma which I now find myself caught up in and which often gets me totally down. Please, I am NOT a mean or cruel person, I would never ever hurt Mom in any way - it just scares me that I am now starting to think of ending my own life as this is the only escape I can see out of the situation which was more or less forced onto me as there was simply no one else who could do it. I have one married daughter who *never* comes around or phones even as she says she "Can't face Granny the way she is now" and then both of my grown up sons live overseas. Other than them, I literally have NO ONE in my life. Two of my very best and closest friends who I know would have helped me - they emmigrated out of SA years ago and the last surviving aunt and many cousins - they all live in the Netherlands so here I am...... feeling totally overwhelmed and starting to harbour thoughts of just taking myself out of this nightmarish situation even though I know that would in fact be cruel towards Mom.....
Is there anyone out there who could offer me some words of wisdom and hopefully courage to continue this path I am on now..... I would SO welcome it....
Warmest hugs from me to all other carers out there xoxo
I don't like in the UK and our social services here, especially for the elderly, even more so for the elderly with AD is practically non-existent unless one is super wealthy and you can then home these folks in a luxury care facility for people with AD.
I don't want to come across as being cold hearted or an uncaring type of woman but in the past 6 months or so I have even considered taking my own life because I often feel SO alone with this awful illness and being only 58 - I actually dread that Mom will live still for many years to come and I am starting to fear that I just won't be able to cope taking care of her for endless more years. (Longevity runs in her family but those members who also developed AD - they were automatically sent into excellent Alz/Dem care homes which is top-notch in the Netherlands.
I was wondering if there might be any other carers on this site who might come from similar circumstances to my own and who might be able to offer me hints and tips as to how I can cope with this *HUGE*dilemma which I now find myself caught up in and which often gets me totally down. Please, I am NOT a mean or cruel person, I would never ever hurt Mom in any way - it just scares me that I am now starting to think of ending my own life as this is the only escape I can see out of the situation which was more or less forced onto me as there was simply no one else who could do it. I have one married daughter who *never* comes around or phones even as she says she "Can't face Granny the way she is now" and then both of my grown up sons live overseas. Other than them, I literally have NO ONE in my life. Two of my very best and closest friends who I know would have helped me - they emmigrated out of SA years ago and the last surviving aunt and many cousins - they all live in the Netherlands so here I am...... feeling totally overwhelmed and starting to harbour thoughts of just taking myself out of this nightmarish situation even though I know that would in fact be cruel towards Mom.....
Is there anyone out there who could offer me some words of wisdom and hopefully courage to continue this path I am on now..... I would SO welcome it....
Warmest hugs from me to all other carers out there xoxo