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Feeling suffocated one day happy nextThen really mad at other people’s question. .

vannesser

Registered User
Apr 4, 2016
347
for 2 days this week I only have to move and he asking what I doing .where I going and even if I just say going to wash pots he keeps shouting me .i take my mother shopping witch I have been for past 3 month same time same day .was only out house 30 min when he was saying I should be back I forgot phone in mums and he was getting daughter to ring every one to see if I was there then he thought I had been in accident.when back from shopping had to leave mum and come strata back home .this is whetstone he been I have been shopping before and daughter gives me a hours and he gets her to ring .i try and explain it takes time but he don’t no why I won’t to go out when other people can do it it’s hard with him not being able to walk and in bed all the time but it’s getting difficult as only gone shopping no where else for past 7 week and if out it feels like I shouldn’t but I have to look aftermy Self but it getting difficult.
A happy time on Sunday he was put in chair all day by cares didn't sleep and was being cheeky to every one .something not seen in ages..

The anger was at a family member by me .that came up a few weeks ago and then again this week .and asked me if I am planing of keeping him home till the end of life if he never walked again .i told her I can not answer that as not thinking a-bought it just a day at a time .she said I should think a-bought it

Oh as 2 cares 4 times a day and in bed a lot as difficulty standing hosted to chair some days for 4 hours but Sunday was 12 hours /
Sorry for long post .just a wheats few weeks
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,779
Kent
You are such a super carer and wife @vannesser and I`m not surprised you get down by stupid questions. Living from day to day is the best you can do.

Your husband obviously depends on you 100% and when you are out of his sight, he doesn`t know where you are and feels vulnerable.

If I went into the kitchen to make a cup of tea, my husband used to think I`d gone out and left him and he had no idea how long it had taken to make the tea. It could have been five minutes or five hours for all he knew.

You are right in saying you do have to look after yourself. You are important too.

I hope you get many more happy Sundays.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,418
South coast
It sounds like you are in a difficult position @vannesser
I would guess that your OH now has so little short-term memory that when you leave to go shopping he cannot remember where you and even if it only 30 mins to him it could be 3 days - he doesnt know when you will be back and is afraid.

Many people with dementia develop a fear of being on their own and want to be able to see someone every waking moment. Once they get to this stage they have to have someone with them 24/7 and cannot be left. When this happens the only real alternatives are for a care home, or getting someone in to sit with him when you go out. Some charities can provide a sitting service (the Red Cross for example) and they are beginning to open up again. I dont know if the SW will be able to help in this respect, but it wouldnt harm to ask.

I must say, though, that I feel that you are very close to needing a care home for your OH. It probably wasnt very tactful of your family member to say what they did, but I do think that you need to start thinking about it - its not going to get any easier.
xx