Caring without sibling support
Both my husbands and my parents moved to the town where we live so we could care for them when they all developed degrees of dementia. My husbands sister is profoundly deaf and lacks confidence so she never felt able to come and give him a break. Sadly both his parents are now no longer with him and I can see how lost he feels since losing his dad last September. My brother started off by giving me the odd weekend, or even week's break but since losing our dad last May he has said mum should be in a home and if I won't put her in one I'm on my own, I haven't had respite since last July. Mum can walk and lives in a little bungalow round the corner from us with 4 carers during the day as I work full time and then I make her tea and toilet her, and then go back at 9 to watch a bit if TV, wash her and put her to bed. She is very content, although confused but sits watching TV all the time until someone comes. Her dementia is very different from dads Alzheimers and on good days she will comment on things, read subtitles on the TV and knows me and my grown up children when they come. I have cameras in the bedroom and lounge and can check up on her any time, and do so during the night whenever I turn over in bed. We have had several health scares in the past 9 months- broken arm, pneumonia, dvt, and a month ago a large pulmonary embolism but each time she has been discharged from hospital in no more than a week back into my care without a medic ever questioning that this is the right place for her. My brother sneaks in to see her every few weeks for an hour or 2 without telling me and has no contact with me at all except to reply to texts asking for respite by saying not until we've discussed mums future - i.e. put her in a home. He's retired so giving me a break would be easy for him if he wanted to. I'm so angry with him, I want nothing more to do with him and feel resentful that by keeping mum at home I'm saving hundreds of pounds a week which he will eventually benefit from (not that I'm doing this for that reason). My husband and children are incredibly supportive but others can't see why I don't put mum in respite for a week and go off and enjoy myself. She is with it enough to understand the change and I know she would be incredibly unhappy, having visited dad in a home for 4.5 years she hated the place and would deteriorate and find it incredibly difficult to settle back at home again. So I just keep going, knowing that I'm doing my very best for mum as I did for dad and will feel no regrets when anything happens to her. Sorry, I'm just venting off to what I know is a very supportive community who really 'gets it'!
Both my husbands and my parents moved to the town where we live so we could care for them when they all developed degrees of dementia. My husbands sister is profoundly deaf and lacks confidence so she never felt able to come and give him a break. Sadly both his parents are now no longer with him and I can see how lost he feels since losing his dad last September. My brother started off by giving me the odd weekend, or even week's break but since losing our dad last May he has said mum should be in a home and if I won't put her in one I'm on my own, I haven't had respite since last July. Mum can walk and lives in a little bungalow round the corner from us with 4 carers during the day as I work full time and then I make her tea and toilet her, and then go back at 9 to watch a bit if TV, wash her and put her to bed. She is very content, although confused but sits watching TV all the time until someone comes. Her dementia is very different from dads Alzheimers and on good days she will comment on things, read subtitles on the TV and knows me and my grown up children when they come. I have cameras in the bedroom and lounge and can check up on her any time, and do so during the night whenever I turn over in bed. We have had several health scares in the past 9 months- broken arm, pneumonia, dvt, and a month ago a large pulmonary embolism but each time she has been discharged from hospital in no more than a week back into my care without a medic ever questioning that this is the right place for her. My brother sneaks in to see her every few weeks for an hour or 2 without telling me and has no contact with me at all except to reply to texts asking for respite by saying not until we've discussed mums future - i.e. put her in a home. He's retired so giving me a break would be easy for him if he wanted to. I'm so angry with him, I want nothing more to do with him and feel resentful that by keeping mum at home I'm saving hundreds of pounds a week which he will eventually benefit from (not that I'm doing this for that reason). My husband and children are incredibly supportive but others can't see why I don't put mum in respite for a week and go off and enjoy myself. She is with it enough to understand the change and I know she would be incredibly unhappy, having visited dad in a home for 4.5 years she hated the place and would deteriorate and find it incredibly difficult to settle back at home again. So I just keep going, knowing that I'm doing my very best for mum as I did for dad and will feel no regrets when anything happens to her. Sorry, I'm just venting off to what I know is a very supportive community who really 'gets it'!
