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Well, so called "friend"/neighbor has been over a few times but hadn't spoken about what happened.
I have been looking for a time to go and talk to her about the "elephant" in the room which has been brushed under the carpet. Every time I went round there she was out or had visitors, until yesterday.
I can't really believe that having talked it through and explaining things from my point of view she still didn't apologise for her behaviour.
It appears that as well as abusing MIL I have become a nasty person who is no fun anymore She really doesn't "get" dementia and during our conversation she mentioned that MIL reminds her of her Grandmother (who didn't have dementia) but she thinks that MIL doesn't get the best care living with us because we don't make it all better for MIL and jump to her every whim.
Oh and because I don't worry about MIL's appearance if she's only going to be at home ( different socks on, cardigan or blouse done up wrong or even inside out, then I'm not maintaining her dignity
She did say that if that ever happened again she'd probably report us!! Told her to go ahead, SW and CPN both reckon MIL very lucky and getting excellent care and they are the experts. She still refusing to believe even the experts!!
Thought I'd feel better when I'd spoken to her but didn't sleep well last night with her words going round in my head. I'm very confident that she hasn't the first clue about dementia.
What I'm not so sure about is her accusation that I've become a different person over the past couple of months. I think she maybe right as we've been struggling with MIL's constant aggitation which would try the patience of a saint, not a good combination as a companion for chronic pain and fatigue.
Really questioning our "friendship" here and beginning to think that she's not the friend I thought she was. Unlike my other friends, I'm beginning to see that she's a fair weather friend, a taker rather than a giver. Not sure I have room or the energy in my life for that kind of friendship and feeling sad about that.