I lost my lovely dad in October aged 94 and mum also has dementia and has been bedridden for over 6 years. Over that period my dad ( who was my hero ) became so demanding and and a huge part of my life and there were times I thought I can’t cope anymore and wanted it to end I’m sure many on here understand those feelings. I was devastated when he died and mum understood he’d died at first but now she forgets. It’s hard for her and us but right now I feel so lonely and people assume because they’re old parents that you’re ok but that’s not the case I’ve cried masses but now have this complete loneliness feeling I’m assuming this is part of mourning.
Feeling so lonely and missing dad
- Thread starter Molly6
- Start date
Hi Molly. I'm sorry for your position and your loss. You have my deepest sympathy because you have had two parents to look after and I know that as a carer it is even more difficult to let go of loved ones. You are so right to say they are a huge part of your life and I hope that you loyalty, compassion, care and dedication offer you some comfort in dealing with your loss.
In the few quiet moments you have, try to think about all the good times you had with your parents. Even the little ones. When my mum was in a home, it was the first and only time we sang happy birthday to her and she thoroughly enjoyed it. That one moment brings a tear of joy to me even now and not only my sister and I but all the other residents and relatives singing along as well. I'm sure you must have some stories like that.
Good luck.
Thank you, it was mums birthday yesterday and their wedding anniversary and mother’s day so I guess all these things heighten emotions x
They do indeed...brother's anniversary a couple of weeks ago..dad's last week and 5th mother's day without my mum their wedding anniversary...all milestones or reminders. It just all builds doesn't It? I too sometimes have that sense of loneliness that not having your parents around however ai am not lonely! When dad died last year I suddenly thought I am an orphan...ridiculous as I am in my 60s...but It takes time to adjust especially if you had a long good relationship with your parents.To lose anyone especially a child or young person is terrible and shocking however ... if like mine your parent was elderly...you are so used to them always being there you just expect them to be around forever even if that is illogical given the fraility that comes with age so thinking of you!
Last edited:
You’re so right about expecting them to be around forever as ludicrous and illogical as that is, but it’s true because they live to such a grand age but I feel people expect you to accept their death because of this . It’s only been 4 months since dad died but I feel I have grieved for both mum and dad for years because of their dementia
Someone on TP a long time ago said you grieve for a person with dementia 3 times...when they are diagnosed..during the illness...and when they die. Mum died suddenly and it definately felt at that point that I had lost both of them at the same time. 4 months is still very raw especially as like I was you are still caring for a parent with dementia and all that demands. You may find counselling can help. You can self refer to Cruse although they want 6 months to have passed with possibly a waiting list.
Last edited:
Hi Molly,
I am so sorry for your loss and understand how hard it must be now, losing your lovely dad and looking after your mum. I lost my wonderful dad in 2010 and was carer for my mum for a long, long time, the last 7 years of which was filled with dementia. She died in October last year and I miss her to pieces - it's incredibly hard.
I too felt very alone when Dad died, but I knew I had to focus on mum's needs - that was the only thing that got me through the misery of grief at the time. Dementia is a very scary, isolating disease, and many times I felt scared and isolated, but now mum has gone, I miss the caring so much and miss her beyond belief - and the memories of dad have come back renewed.
Some carers miss caring; others are relieved the caring is over. I am the former. No-one should ever say that you shouldn't feel such a loss because it was a parent you lost - as if losing a parent is expected. I have had that said to me and it infuriates me so much. Loss is loss - it's the loss of the that person and what they mean to you that is important, regardless of who they were.
You grieve any way you want to but please try and get support - counselling if you can - and I hope you have help with your mum. Carers are so important at this time, and they can also be company for you, to break up the day (I was assuming mum is living with you but i may be wrong)
If it helps you, keep posting here with your struggles, your thoughts etc. Everyone here will support you. We can see how much you adored your father, how much you struggled and how much you continue to struggle. I struggle every day so I know that feeling. All i will say is the struggles and pain you feel are testaments to your love - that's the only good thing I can say about grief......
I am so sorry for your loss and understand how hard it must be now, losing your lovely dad and looking after your mum. I lost my wonderful dad in 2010 and was carer for my mum for a long, long time, the last 7 years of which was filled with dementia. She died in October last year and I miss her to pieces - it's incredibly hard.
I too felt very alone when Dad died, but I knew I had to focus on mum's needs - that was the only thing that got me through the misery of grief at the time. Dementia is a very scary, isolating disease, and many times I felt scared and isolated, but now mum has gone, I miss the caring so much and miss her beyond belief - and the memories of dad have come back renewed.
Some carers miss caring; others are relieved the caring is over. I am the former. No-one should ever say that you shouldn't feel such a loss because it was a parent you lost - as if losing a parent is expected. I have had that said to me and it infuriates me so much. Loss is loss - it's the loss of the that person and what they mean to you that is important, regardless of who they were.
You grieve any way you want to but please try and get support - counselling if you can - and I hope you have help with your mum. Carers are so important at this time, and they can also be company for you, to break up the day (I was assuming mum is living with you but i may be wrong)
If it helps you, keep posting here with your struggles, your thoughts etc. Everyone here will support you. We can see how much you adored your father, how much you struggled and how much you continue to struggle. I struggle every day so I know that feeling. All i will say is the struggles and pain you feel are testaments to your love - that's the only good thing I can say about grief......
