This is a hard one to write. I need support from someone who can understand where I am coming from and I’m not sure where to go?
My dad was diagnosed with dementia in February 2020, he took himself off to be tested and only told us when he had a diagnosis. My mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s just before Christmas 2021. They live together in a bungalow.
Both parents have physical disabilities, dad having had polio as a baby needs a calliper to walk. He is accepting of support and is calm and appreciates that we’re trying to help. Mum is argumentative, swears telling me to **** off one minute and nice as pie the next, cries, verbally aggressive towards dad which is very uncomfortable to hear and has changed personality. She will send me numerous messages, FaceTimes and calls a day and if I don’t answer she just keeps going until I do. She moans about dad constantly.
I have 2 older brothers who are fantastic and do their bit too.
My problem is, mum is my best friend. She is the person I would call first about anything and we would spend the whole day together every weekend. She would be round at my house with my kids 3 times a week. She would be my voice of reason, we’d laugh and cry together. That has all gone since lockdown. When we speak she will only talk about medication, her pains, her hospital appointments etc. If I tell her something important she brushes over so I have stopped.
My husband just doesn’t get it. Usually you might have one parent with it but to have both is tough.
I know I have withdrawn a little and I just feel guilty constantly about not doing enough and not being a good enough daughter. My youngest son is 13 and he was a complete nannies boy. He comes with me most days to visit as he doesn’t like it when mum shouts at me but if he offers to help or do something she completely changes and is nice. He is also really scared that they both will forget who he is ?
Is there any support out there for family?
My dad was diagnosed with dementia in February 2020, he took himself off to be tested and only told us when he had a diagnosis. My mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s just before Christmas 2021. They live together in a bungalow.
Both parents have physical disabilities, dad having had polio as a baby needs a calliper to walk. He is accepting of support and is calm and appreciates that we’re trying to help. Mum is argumentative, swears telling me to **** off one minute and nice as pie the next, cries, verbally aggressive towards dad which is very uncomfortable to hear and has changed personality. She will send me numerous messages, FaceTimes and calls a day and if I don’t answer she just keeps going until I do. She moans about dad constantly.
I have 2 older brothers who are fantastic and do their bit too.
My problem is, mum is my best friend. She is the person I would call first about anything and we would spend the whole day together every weekend. She would be round at my house with my kids 3 times a week. She would be my voice of reason, we’d laugh and cry together. That has all gone since lockdown. When we speak she will only talk about medication, her pains, her hospital appointments etc. If I tell her something important she brushes over so I have stopped.
My husband just doesn’t get it. Usually you might have one parent with it but to have both is tough.
I know I have withdrawn a little and I just feel guilty constantly about not doing enough and not being a good enough daughter. My youngest son is 13 and he was a complete nannies boy. He comes with me most days to visit as he doesn’t like it when mum shouts at me but if he offers to help or do something she completely changes and is nice. He is also really scared that they both will forget who he is ?
Is there any support out there for family?