Feeling sad today

Devonmaid

Registered User
Sep 23, 2007
51
Dartmoor Devon
Hello all . I went to the meeting re Mum yesterday . She has been in a short stay pychiatric unit for almost three weeks now. Well, the outcome is that Mum is going into a home as my long suffering step Dad has at last admitted that he can no longer cope with her , I feel so sad for him , he was weighed down with guilt even though we are all trying to convince him that he not letting anyone down . We are fortunate that there is a residentail nursing home with en EMI unit very close to where they live , its just five minutes walk away and we think that a place is available for Mum in about two weeks time so she will stay where she is until then . I have to say that she is very calm at the moment and rarely has the panic attacks that were so frequent before she was admitted to hospital and the staff think that its because she feels safe and secure and has a routine . Both my sister and I feel relieved but also sad , its the end of an era and so sad that an old couple must be split up but Dad is now resigned to it all and to be honest, I dont think that the splitting up side of it really upsets Mum too much , her memory is so poor that she often doesnt even know her husband anyway . Dad must now have support from all of us and we hope that his children will now do the right thing and come into play , they have sadly been lacking in care and attention up until now . Thankfully, Mum and Dads flat is in a sheltered accomodation unit and he has lots of friends and whilst frail himself, he still enjoys trips to the library and shops , I think he will be OK . Love Kate
 

taylorcat

Registered User
Jun 18, 2006
171
W.Scotland
Kate, Your Mum is going to be in a nice place not far from home. I know it's very, very hard but it's for the best. Things couldn't go on the way they were.
 

Margarita

Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
10,824
london
yes I can only imagine that it must feel like an end of am era and so sad , but the best way forward for your mother . seeing that you said

I have to say that she is very calm at the moment and rarely has the panic attacks that were so frequent before she was admitted to hospital and the staff think that its because she feels safe and secure and has a routine
wishing you all the best with the move to care home , also please to read that its near you :) xx
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,702
Kent
Dear Kate,

You knew it would come to this and as well as sadness, I hope you have a feeling of relief.
Your father will be able to visit as often as he wishes, without the strain of looking after your mother 24/7. It sounds as if he will have plenty of companionship and support where he`s living, so there are plenty of pluses.
And you know the best care will be taken of your mother.
Even so, it is a major change in all your lives and I hope you all have the strenghth to support each other.
Take care
Love xx
 

Cate

Registered User
Jul 2, 2006
1,370
Newport, Gwent
Hi Kate

I'm really sorry to hear your sad news, but as you say, it is for the best, and clearly your dad has gone on as long as he can, but there comes a time when its just not possible to carry on.

I am so pleased that the NH is so close by, dad will be able to visit often and enjoy quality time with mum without the day to day strain.

Thinking of you too, it is so very hard, but you have all done your best, and try to consider this as the start of something new in the journey, instead of the end of one.

Very best wishes

Cate
 

Bristolbelle

Registered User
Aug 18, 2006
1,847
Bristol
Please read...

your post again. I 'm sure there is sadness there, but have you any idea how muck warmth and love are in that post too. You were talking about your step-dad and so few step relationships are based on love and respect. You talk of his children, and I hope they come through too, but I have a brother who just isn't interested in Mum and to be honest would bring more hassle than releif maybe it;s true of your dad's children too? The home sounds ideal being so close, and as your dad enjoys some short walks iot will probably be possible to co ordinate a few of your Mum's outings with a carer to coincide with them so they can go out "together". Honestly I felt so muck love in your post your blessed to have known such intense feelings - I know this myself as my family is very close and loving. Sometimes that makes sadness harder o bear, but I always say the tears shed are a reflection to the joy shared.
Take care and be kind to yourselves.
 

dave b

Registered User
Nov 21, 2006
63
staffs
hi kate, hope the move goes well
it sounds as if the nh is not to far away from home
i have the same prob coming up!
i hope she moves on the 15th,i still have the appraisil to come
everyone tells me i am doing the right thing but your monster is the same mine,
belive & do the right thing for yourself & your mom.same as me?
love dave.