feeling really depressed

[nannylondon]

I can not get used to Chris not being here I visit him in assessment unit and there is no connection he hasn't got a clue who I am doesn't recognize me or my sons he seems happy enough to see us and smiles lots speech is starting to.go it is heartbreaking I come away in tears every time I visit maybe it gets better with time

 

[Chuggalug]

I can not get used to Chris not being here I visit him in assessment unit and there is no connection he hasn't got a clue who I am doesn't recognize me or my sons he seems happy enough to see us and smiles lots speech is starting to.go it is heartbreaking I come away in tears every time I visit maybe it gets better with time

It will get better, nannylondon. Staff at our CH keep asking for Isobel. That was his first wife. He's been married 4 times. I'm Jen! Have to laugh now, but it almost knocked me for six when I got a letter addressed to this Isobel. Caught me very off guard until I remembered he'd spoken of her before.

Hang on in there, my love.

 

[nannylondon]

It will get better, nannylondon. Staff at our CH keep asking for Isobel. That was his first wife. He's been married 4 times. I'm Jen! Have to laugh now, but it almost knocked me for six when I got a letter addressed to this Isobel. Caught me very off guard until I remembered he'd spoken of her before.

Hang on in there, my love.

Thanks Chuggalug I am having a bad day I think I need to give myself a shake and stop feeling sorry just heard from assessment unit that Chris has got a uti my poor man is getting assessment for CH next week keeping my fingers crossed as unit he is on has mostly got older people with other mental health issues thanks for support x

 

[Chuggalug]

Thanks Chuggalug I am having a bad day I think I need to give myself a shake and stop feeling sorry just heard from assessment unit that Chris has got a uti my poor man is getting assessment for CH next week keeping my fingers crossed as unit he is on has mostly got older people with other mental health issues thanks for support x

You're saying exactly the same as I have been, and everyone here has been so gentle, telling me off because I keep saying I need a kick up the bee you em. I keep saying I've gotta stop being a wimp and grow a backbone, and keep getting told to be kinder to myself. What can I do but pass that on.

It's no small wonder you're feeling down in the dumps, nannylondon. We go through emotions you wouldn't put on your worst enemy in normal times.

Big squeezy hug for you, xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Kjn]

Oh nannylondon , no wonder you feel down and depressed, this is such a cruel thing , it drains them and you.
They will sort out his uti and fingers crossed here too for you for assessment , I'm sure that would ease your mind if even a little.

Come on , have a (((((((((huge hugggggggg))))))))) from me , I have no advice but I've lots of hugging power xxxxx

 

[jan.s]

Hi Nanny,

I know how hard it is when the one you love is so different, and doesn't recognise you for who you are.

Sending hugs x

 

[esmeralda]

Oh nannylondon, so sorry you are having such a hard time. If your husband had died you wouldn't be expecting to get over it this soon but in its way it's just as much a bereavement, only more complicated. Also it isn't really recognised by other people as such so you don't get the same sort of sympathy and support you would otherwise receive but have to live with the loss of your former life over and over.
Just had a thought - may not be helpful for you, but I wonder if Cruse offer any counselling for people in your situation. If they don't they perhaps ought to. Maybe counselling would help you to deal with your grief. Would it be worth talking to your GP, or do you have a support worker who might be able to arrange it? Sending lots of love to you.
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[Cat27]

So sorry you're having a hard time. Sending love & hugs xx

 

[Izzy]

I'm sorry things are so hard for you and I can only imagine how heartbreaking it must be. I'm glad you can share how you feel here.

 

[chick1962]

Oh nannylondon so sorry you are having such a down day sending lots of hugs and love your way xxxx


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[LadyA]

Esmerelda is right - you have to allow yourself to grieve this "loss". It has been said before on here, and I believe it's true: Dementia is an illness where we lose our loved ones three times. We lose them first to the illness. Then we lose them again when they need the full time care of a nursing home. And finally, we lose them all over again when they die. And each time, the loss has to be grieved. You are perfectly entitled to feel depressed at this time, that is your grief at what has happened/is happening - and don't let anyone cheat you out of that. Like all losses and changed situations, it does get easier in time. Meanwhile, be extra kind and gentle with yourself.

And that goes for you too Chuggalug!

 

[Chuggalug]

Esmerelda is right - you have to allow yourself to grieve this "loss". It has been said before on here, and I believe it's true: Dementia is an illness where we lose our loved ones three times. We lose them first to the illness. Then we lose them again when they need the full time care of a nursing home. And finally, we lose them all over again when they die. And each time, the loss has to be grieved. You are perfectly entitled to feel depressed at this time, that is your grief at what has happened/is happening - and don't let anyone cheat you out of that. Like all losses and changed situations, it does get easier in time. Meanwhile, be extra kind and gentle with yourself.

And that goes for you too Chuggalug!

Duly noted, LadyA, and thank you, xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Jinx]

Nannylondon just catching up on everything and so sorry to read about your problems. I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you and hope that gradually you will be able to come to terms with a different way of life comforted by the knowledge that your OH is getting the care he now needs. Great big hug from me too.


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[Alan19531953]

You need some care yourself

Looking after someone with dementia is very very draining.

 

[truth24]

Thinking of you, Nannylondon at this sad time. My beloved has been in a CH for nearly a year now and I still miss him so very much as do all of us in this horrible situation. My heart goes out to you and LadyA has just summed it up well. Take care of yourself.

 

[nannylondon]

Oh nannylondon, so sorry you are having such a hard time. If your husband had died you wouldn't be expecting to get over it this soon but in its way it's just as much a bereavement, only more complicated. Also it isn't really recognised by other people as such so you don't get the same sort of sympathy and support you would otherwise receive but have to live with the loss of your former life over and over.
Just had a thought - may not be helpful for you, but I wonder if Cruse offer any counselling for people in your situation. If they don't they perhaps ought to. Maybe counselling would help you to deal with your grief. Would it be worth talking to your GP, or do you have a support worker who might be able to arrange it? Sending lots of love to you.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thanks Esmeralda you are so right it does feel like a bereavement I am having support from friends trying to be understanding I guess it will get better TP is a great help for support from others who know exactly what you are going through xxxxxx

 

[Kjn]

I'm please you've found TP nanny xx

 

[nannylondon]

Esmerelda is right - you have to allow yourself to grieve this "loss". It has been said before on here, and I believe it's true: Dementia is an illness where we lose our loved ones three times. We lose them first to the illness. Then we lose them again when they need the full time care of a nursing home. And finally, we lose them all over again when they die. And each time, the loss has to be grieved. You are perfectly entitled to feel depressed at this time, that is your grief at what has happened/is happening - and don't let anyone cheat you out of that. Like all losses and changed situations, it does get easier in time. Meanwhile, be extra kind and gentle with yourself.

And that goes for you too Chuggalug!

That is a great way of putting it Lady A I think I was fooling myself for a long time now realising Chris will be better off in CH thought I would be able to look after him at home but last few months were so awful that I have had to face reality and admit I couldn't cope thanks for your support I don't know what I would do without TP only place you can be talk with total.honesty xxx

 

[esmeralda]

So true nannylondon. I know other have found that once their loved one has settled into a ch there may be positives in the new situation. I know that probably seems hard to see at the moment. Have as peaceful night as you can. You must be very worn out. Much love, Es
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[chick1962]

Good morning Nannylondon I am hoping you were able to get some sleep ? It must be heartbreaking when our loved on needs to move in order to get professional help . Once Chris has settled you can have so much more quality time with him, perhaps sit in the garden , having lunch or even a picnic . I know it's not the same but perhaps it also gives you a bit of time out to re charge your batteries. Es has put it so eloquently and I agree with everything she said. Please be kind to yourself too as you cared for Chris with so much love which shines through everything you post. Squeezing you tightly and holding your hand . Much love to you xxxxc


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