Feeling rather let down

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Don`t let it get to you. You know who you are and we know who you are. Sometimes a comment can be taken entirely the wrong way and you get the backlash. It`s unfortunate and it hurts but it`s life.

Take care and don`t worry. Sylvia


Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
near London
I feel that if that is the way that people do see me then I do not belong here.
... and if that was the way most people felt, then you might have some basis for thinking that.

however, we've all read the threads concerned, we all know the situation and in my book - you absolutely do belong here as a valued member of TP, and that is where we want you!

[much more I could write about the exchanges on the thread, but best not!;) ]


Registered User
Feb 26, 2006
This is unique in being a forum where we can speak our mind and where we can have our views respected. Throughout my life I have been accused of all that you are complaining of and yet I still have friends and people still listen to what I say although sometimes it is outrageous. I do not agree with some of the views expressed on this forum but this does not mean that I think any the less of the people exoressing those views - we just see things differently.

Noelphobic, of course you belong here, I welcome your views and nobody has to justify their membership of this group. Keep posting.



Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
I would like to apologise to Noelphobic. When I read the posts I knew that the accusation of her being
'a little unkind' and abusive, arrogant and judgemental
was totally untrue of the person who has been posting on TP for some time; I did not respond because I did not want to inflame a volatile situation. I am sorry for the hurt that it must have caused you, that not one of us publicly offered you our support.
All I can do is reiterate what others have said. You are a valued member of the TP family, and we will be poorer if you decide to leave.
Love Helen

Tender Face

Account Closed
Mar 14, 2006
NW England
Brucie said:
... we've all read the threads concerned, we all know the situation and in my book - you absolutely do belong here as a valued member of TP, and that is where we want you!

[much more I could write about the exchanges on the thread, but best not!;) ]
Noelphobic, stop worrying - I think I am digging myself into 'most unpopular member on the site hole' this week - the trouble is I seem to be 'challenging' some people for whom I actually have great respect and huge appreciation for their support .... Now, before I set folks twitching again - this forum is surely not about popularity stakes? If we all agreed, there would be no need for the forum.... if we're here to 'point score' then we should not be here....?? We're here because we need to scream and shout and rant and rave and blow off every now and again - well, me being human, do ... and yes, some days are calmer and I think I can give something back...., and yes, somedays I 'blow' and get it wrong, and I’m sorry for that ... but I trust in the nature of the majority of people here is that they exactly understand that..... been there - even if they’re wiser than me and don’t hit the ‘Send’ button……

Right, to jump discreetly to the next soapbox :)o ) - Brucie I can't agree that 'we've all read' ... and 'we all know' - some don't. Yes, some of us who have been around for a while kinda have some vibes (about 'THOSE' threads) ... but what Noelphobic was brave enough to do was to offer help to someone (in case they were genuine - and there's no doubt there is some need for help even if it's not dementia) whilst cleverly starting up alarm bells to existing or new members that perhaps …..

Now I feel I’m being all cryptic and don‘t mean to be ….. I guess this links very much to all the ‘safety’ issues I’ve been mulling over on another thread…. What I certainly don’t want to see is someone taking precious time and attention away from people who really need it …. And if Noelphobic is feeling as she does because she thought as I did BUT was brave enough to face the issue and not ignore it and in doing so, tried to help (ALL OF US) in a very diplomatic way then I feel let down too……and trying to ‘ignore’ has resulted in a very genuine and valued member being ‘ignored’. (Ditto Amy's apology, Neolphobic).

The ‘ignore the problem it might go away’ approach has proven to be very wrong .. And hardly a good philosophy for any of us in our practical lives…..

Noelphobic, one thing I am learning this week is to take on board the ‘backlash’ in the context of the person who is lashing out…….

PLEASE keep posting, keep supporting - you are a hugely compassionate, considerate, intelligent and at most times hugely motivated person - don’t let something like this demotivate you from the splendid stuff you do, including sharing here,

Much love, Karen, x


Registered User
Jun 27, 2006
I have thought long and hard about posting to this thread, but having walked away from it and come back there are a couple of things I want to say.

Firstly, I'm sure there have all been occasions when what we have said online has been minintrepreted - lacking visual cues sometimes things are said which are read as meaning one thing when in fact they mean something else entirely. It is particularly difficult on boards such as this - the issues that are discussed are deeply personal and deeply distressing. As humans we each bring our own set of emotional baggage to every situation and sometimes that baggage will trip us up. I think it behooves us to bear that in mind whenever we post - what may be intended as a humorous remark, or even a straightforward observation, may cause real offense.

For those reasons, I think it is vitally important that we assume that everyone who comes to boards such as this are treated as if they have a valid reason to be here. We may be proved wrong on occasion, we may have suspicions about motives, but I'd rather be made a fool of by ten trolls than not offer assistance to one person who may be in need of it. On the flip side, we also have to try and have slighly thicker skins about responses to us, although I know that is easier said than done.

Touching briefly on the original thread, I did not sense that Noelphobic's initial response to the OP was anything but appropriate, and was simply a comment on how, unfortunately, we sometimes don't get any feedback from people who have posted with their concerns. The fact that the OP of that thread immediately took offence speaks to what I said about emotional baggage. The entire thing then spun out of control following a post by another member, who I did feel was inappropriately impugning the motives of the OP. However, this isn't a police state, and each person has to follow their own guiding principles.



Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
Noelphobic People perceive things as they like, its there problem not your, you was just being helpful.

We had someone similar in the past winding people up, in that section on TP I don’t trust anyone , as people can use so many different user names
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Registered User
Mar 13, 2006
hi noelphobic

please dont leave TP, im with all the others on this you help and advice is a valuable part of TP and your sense of humour comes through with your posts, dont let one remark send you away, if people find your posts offensive then they dont have to read or reply to them, theres enough variety on TP to keep everyone happy.
take care xxxx
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Registered User
May 20, 2006
North East
Hi Noelphobic

Just catching up with some of the posts as I've not been on line for a while - phew - whats been going on!!!:eek:

Please do keep posting - I certainly value what you have to contribute and can certainly see where you were coming from.




Registered User
Sep 10, 2005
Libby said:
Hi Noelphobic

Just catching up with some of the posts as I've not been on line for a while - phew - whats been going on!!!:eek:

Hi Libs, I smiled when I read your comment above. I've not been visiting as much and talk about water going under the bridge since my last visit; think the Dambusters have been in town!

I echo your remarks to Noelphobic; keep posting N, you're a valued member here!;) I've read many of your posts and appreciate your input.


Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland
Here here! I'm just back from holiday, and wow! So many family rows, it must be Christmas. Please don't leave, Noelphobic, we need you.

linda a

Registered User
Jun 13, 2006
Very Sad

I have not used this site to much but when i have its because im so low i need to read your posts and to have felt you all are going threw the same /simmlar things as me or your new to this like me im learning,
The doctors and all do not tell it like you all do ,
So i was saddned to read all the fall outs,
Why when we all need each other, a hand from a stranger,


Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
Hiya Linda,
I think many of us have been saddened this week, but these things do happen. I think that we have to remember that the 'fall outs' have only involved two or three individuals - there are many other members of TP still sharing, still needing and giving support. It is still a good place to be.
Hope that you post again soon.
Love Helen


Registered User
Feb 24, 2006
explaining, thanking and drawing a line in the sand

I'm not up to doing any of the above at the moment, for various reasons, but will attempt to do so soon!

Also, apologies to those of you I owe a PM to! I will try to catch up soon. Your messages have meant an enormous amount to me.


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