Hi everyone Not quite sure why I feel so emotional today. Think it is because it is my OH's birthday tomorrow (he will be 62) and never in my wildest dreams did I think 12 months ago he would be in permanent care. We were always going to retire when he was 62 and then travel together to far flung places such as Australia and New Zealand and celebrate his 62nd birthday by going across America from East to West by train. He only went into care 6 weeks ago so I suppose it is all quite new and raw. We are having his birthday meal tonight as my brother, who lives a long way away, is up here, staying with my 93 year old mum for a few days but has to go home tomorrow morning. I thought I was getting used to OH being there but I am finding it hard to sleep again as that 'old guilt monster' keeps rearing its head and I keep thinking of the what if's. I am also worried as both my OH's sisters, one is 68 and one is 55 have been diagnosed with early onset Alzheimers Dementia one 4 years ago and one this year and my OH and I have a 29 year old daughter. I have been googling this and the words familial Alzheimers keeps coming up and I am so worried my daughter will be afflicted by this terrible disease later in life!! His older sister is also awaiting results of a brain scan to see if she has Lewys Body Dementia as well. This is all the more worrying as my OH has Parkinsons Disease as well as Alzheimers Dementia, diagnosed as separate illnesses. I also think the approaching Autumn/Winter days and nights are getting me down, as my favourite season is the Spring when we have daylight until 10pm. This will be the first winter my OH is not living here and of course because we are self funding I am having to watch the pennies. Thanks for taking the time to read this.