Hi everyone,
I've posted a few times on here and had some invaluable help and support from people, so much so I've never been able to thank people individually...so thank you in advance!
Mum was diagnosed with dementia two years ago but still managed to live alone in her council bungalow. I worked tirelessly (as I'm sure you all do) to manage and improve her finances and get in house care. Sadly mum is so independent she refused any of the help offered...but things were worsening as it became apparent mum was unable to wash herself and had problems soiling her clothes. I talked to her about care but she was adamant the council bungalow was where she wanted to be, despite outward signs being very poor.
Last month she fell again and broke her hip resulting in her being taken in to hospital.
A DOLs was put in place at hospital. The feeling of myself and her social worker (who has since left his post...bad timing) was that she needed to be somewhere she could be supported. Mum is still adamant she is going home and I feel so guilty making this decision that she should be in care, particularly as she is 100 miles away from me and my knowledge of care homes in her area isn't good.
I've had the local Adult care unit on the phone to me three times in the last 24 hours. They clearly want to free the bed up mum is in but can't find a home. No homes in her home town have a bed. One has a shared room (not an option for mum) and one requires top ups. So far the only home they have found is around 20 miles away.
My questions.
Should I just dig my heels in until a place is found for her in her home town? (a town she has barely ever left and one that holds all her long term memories)
I thought top ups were voluntary? If I can't pay them (I can't...looking after mum has cost me £40,000 in lost work in the last two years) then does the Local Authority have to plug the gap?
Can I trust CQC reports? I know of one local care home that a friend's mum was in and it was awful for her but the CQC report was really good.
In terms of finance mum is not self funding. She could manage to pay top ups herself though although I realise she is not legally allowed to do this. Is there a way round this? I have PA for her financial affairs...could I pay myself monthly from mum's account and then use this to pay her top ups?
If anyone has any knowledge of advice I would hugely appreciate it. I'm sure we all share one thing, that awful feeling in the pit of the stomach making a decision about one's parent that will change their life. I would rather my mum be at home but if she was she simply wouldn't accept the help offered and things would deteriorate. Mum is still unaware she will be going into a care situation and I don't know how to break this to her...and I really want the best for her, I want a home in her town, with people she knows around. Surely she is owed that? Can I just dig my heels in with the Adult Care unit?
many thanks for reading...sorry to ramble on and I hope it makes sense. I've tried to work so hard on my own for 2 years for mum and I'm terrified it's all going to crumble at the moment when it's most needed to stay solid.
Nigel
I've posted a few times on here and had some invaluable help and support from people, so much so I've never been able to thank people individually...so thank you in advance!
Mum was diagnosed with dementia two years ago but still managed to live alone in her council bungalow. I worked tirelessly (as I'm sure you all do) to manage and improve her finances and get in house care. Sadly mum is so independent she refused any of the help offered...but things were worsening as it became apparent mum was unable to wash herself and had problems soiling her clothes. I talked to her about care but she was adamant the council bungalow was where she wanted to be, despite outward signs being very poor.
Last month she fell again and broke her hip resulting in her being taken in to hospital.
A DOLs was put in place at hospital. The feeling of myself and her social worker (who has since left his post...bad timing) was that she needed to be somewhere she could be supported. Mum is still adamant she is going home and I feel so guilty making this decision that she should be in care, particularly as she is 100 miles away from me and my knowledge of care homes in her area isn't good.
I've had the local Adult care unit on the phone to me three times in the last 24 hours. They clearly want to free the bed up mum is in but can't find a home. No homes in her home town have a bed. One has a shared room (not an option for mum) and one requires top ups. So far the only home they have found is around 20 miles away.
My questions.
Should I just dig my heels in until a place is found for her in her home town? (a town she has barely ever left and one that holds all her long term memories)
I thought top ups were voluntary? If I can't pay them (I can't...looking after mum has cost me £40,000 in lost work in the last two years) then does the Local Authority have to plug the gap?
Can I trust CQC reports? I know of one local care home that a friend's mum was in and it was awful for her but the CQC report was really good.
In terms of finance mum is not self funding. She could manage to pay top ups herself though although I realise she is not legally allowed to do this. Is there a way round this? I have PA for her financial affairs...could I pay myself monthly from mum's account and then use this to pay her top ups?
If anyone has any knowledge of advice I would hugely appreciate it. I'm sure we all share one thing, that awful feeling in the pit of the stomach making a decision about one's parent that will change their life. I would rather my mum be at home but if she was she simply wouldn't accept the help offered and things would deteriorate. Mum is still unaware she will be going into a care situation and I don't know how to break this to her...and I really want the best for her, I want a home in her town, with people she knows around. Surely she is owed that? Can I just dig my heels in with the Adult Care unit?
many thanks for reading...sorry to ramble on and I hope it makes sense. I've tried to work so hard on my own for 2 years for mum and I'm terrified it's all going to crumble at the moment when it's most needed to stay solid.
Nigel
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