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Feeling overwhelmed


New member
Sep 18, 2020
My father has recently been diagnosed (loosely and with lots of pushing professionals) with dementia. With a possibility of either Lewy body dementia or vascular dementia. With hindsight I suspect he’s had this for a while but seems to be getting progressively worse. Hallucinations, aggression, shuffling, depression, very confused...the list goes on! I dread every visit not knowing how he will be and feel constantly cross with how he speaks to me. He has carers in place now they’ve been in place for 3 weeks, mostly working out. There has been an occasion when he ‘frightened’ the care by following her around shouting at her.
im wondering at what point is the right point to consider a care home? Im on the phone most days reporting concerns to mental health team, social care, memory service..it’s exhausting. Any tips greatfully received.


Registered User
May 21, 2018
Hello @Nikki49 . Is your Dad on any medication? I am wondering if this needs reviewing or whether existing medication has not yet taken effect if he has only recently been diagnosed. My mother has vascular dementia and has now been in a care home for three years (I looked after her for two years before that, before she was diagnosed and had no medication). She has times when she can be extremely agitated, to put it mildly, and I have found that, over the last three years, she has needed regular tweaks in medication.

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Hello @Nikki49. Welcome to Dementia Talking Point. I hope you will find the support and help you need.

You will have no idea how long your father has had dementia but the fact there has been `lots of pushing professionals` I think it may have been a while.

Some dementias progress very quickly while others change at a much slower pace. It`s difficult to pinpoint whether it`s the type of dementia or the type of the person with it. Other medical conditions, the age of the person and their genetic make up can also affect the progression.

It`s obvious you are concerned about your father`s well being and everyone agonises about the right time for residential care. My rule of thumb for someone living alone is to consider the number of hours a day they are alone and whether or not they may be at risk. If so, are they able to get help in an emergency.

Generally speaking people with dementia are best in residential care earlier than people having another in the home 24.7. My mother went into residential care at a much earlier stage of dementia than my husband.