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Feeling of being alone

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by Reds, Jan 15, 2015.

  1. Reds

    Reds Registered User

    Sep 5, 2011
    540
    Hertfordshire
    How can I stop the feeling of being alone? I miss my mum who died last year and am unable to have a good chat about my feelings, problems, likes, dislikes, family matters etc to my husband who has Alzheimer's. Have been very busy but always make time to see or listen to other people but find my other close family have their jobs, problems, are busy in other ways to really really listen and I suppose to do with age differences too. I see friends but again are busy and only occasionally so not much time to catch up. Have plenty to do and although my husband is with me and do everything I can to help him I feel frustrated that I can't express myself and be listened to properly. Rarely do I feel relaxed, supported, comforted or content and most of the time think about chores that must be done. I do socialise and have many interests but I still feel kind of lost. I feel I shouldn't feel like and ought to be used to this as my husband was diagnosed quite awhile ago.

    Reds
     
  2. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,520
    Ireland
    It sounds to me like you are pretty exhausted. The sort of "on the treadmill and can't get off" feeling. My husband is in full time care since last September - and I still feel that way, so I'm afraid I can't offer much advice - except to spend more time on TP!:)
     
  3. pamann

    pamann Registered User

    Oct 28, 2013
    2,635
    Kent
    Hello Reds sorry to hear you are feeling alone, we never stop missing our Mums, l miss mine so much she died before my Hubby had Alzheimers, she would have been such good support for me, my motherd-in-law to was such a lovely lady no longer with us, it is difficult l don't feel friends are very supportive they are elderly and have their own problems, TP is a good place for support and advice. I do have 2 very supportive sons, l don't like to worry them but know they are always there for me when l need them. AD is such an awful disease, it robs us of our loved ones ♡♡♡
     
  4. sistermillicent

    sistermillicent Registered User

    Jan 30, 2009
    2,951
    I don't think you ought to be used to it at all, I think it gets harder as time goes on.
    I can't suggest how you find someone you already know to listen to all this, there must be just loads you need to get out and talk about.
    At the risk of being completely wrong, have you thought about offloading to a counsellor, I realise it isn't the same but it might take some of the pressure off? Do you have any time free in the day when you could see someone, I mean when your husband is in day care or you have a sitter or something?

    If you can start to just go out with the odd friend for coffee occasionally it may be that you can get around to talking really properly after a while. But again that requires you having someone to care for your OH I suppose.

    And you always have TP but I know it isn't the same as in the flesh friends.
     
  5. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,856
    Female
    Scotland
    Sister M is probably right about the counsellor because friends and family have limited patience for your troubles. I am a very good listener but I quickly see in the body language of others that they don't understand and don't want to know about dementia.

    The one place I can unload is with people I meet through Alz Scotland who do understand. Even here though I am careful not to go overboard. So unburden your soul to a trained listener and I hope it helps.
     
  6. truth24

    truth24 Registered User

    Oct 13, 2013
    5,726
    North Somerset
    Had counselling when I was at my lowest and it certainty helped me. It meant I could offload all my feelings and be able to talk without people starting to look at me with glazed eyes or, even worse, to move away when I arrived somewhere so that they didn't have to ask how my OH was or listen to my reply in case they had to listen. In common with a lot of us, when I was asked how he was I would just say "fine" and change the subject. TP helped most of all as I could and still can offload when I feel like it and know no-one condemns me. You can become very isolated.

    Sent from my GT-N5110
     
  7. esmeralda

    esmeralda Registered User

    Nov 27, 2014
    3,072
    Devon
    I have to agree, I worked as a counsellor and have spent most of my working life listening in one way or another and sometimes feel now that I want someone to listen to me! Most people, however kind and well meaning aren't good listeners and as has been said most people really don't understand unless they have been in a similar situation and possibly not even then really because we all have our own unique history and particular painful issues.
    I've really only just started to access support services and intend - when I have time! to contact the Carer's hub I don't know if you have something similar. I think I would like to have counselling to work through a lot of feelings, and also meet people in the same situation.
    My dear husband was a Samaritan for over 30 years before he was forced to give up 18 months ago. No doubt he would recommend them!
     
  8. WIFE

    WIFE Registered User

    May 23, 2014
    857
    WEST SUSSEX
    Keep posting Reds - we are all listening to you. You can always have a good rant here.
    Don't personally think you ever get used to "losing" a loved one to Dementia so your feelings even now are perfectly normal.

    WIFE
     
  9. Sammyjo1

    Sammyjo1 Registered User

    Jul 8, 2014
    194
    So sorry to hear of how you're feeling Reds.

    As I've said elsewhere, Samaritans are always there 24/7 by phone, text or email (and you can also visit your local branch to see someone in person), to help support people just like you who need someone to talk to about how they are feeling

    Details at www.samaritans.org - phone number is 08457 909090

    Take care
     
  10. Reds

    Reds Registered User

    Sep 5, 2011
    540
    Hertfordshire
    Thank you. You have all been so kind with your replies. I have often wondered if it would help to talk to a counsellor as I have had an awful lot of stress during this last year and it feels that there is a lot festering inside. You have helped to assure me that it is perhaps a good idea and I am going to give it a go.

    Reds
     
  11. tomgee3425

    tomgee3425 Registered User

    Feb 3, 2014
    33
    Negombo Sri Lanka
    hi Reds. I have a wife with alzheimers and would love to talk to someone in the same position. I cannot talk to my wife. I have a house in Sri Lanka by the sea. If you ever want to visit accommodation is free no strings attached. I can even arrange a tour of the Island. Your choice. Tom
     

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