Feeling My Way


Registered User
Sep 22, 2006
Mum is getting worse, when I was staying with her she didn’t get up till very late and then was still tired and falling asleep in the chair all day, but she did eat the Christmas dinner I made, she is like two different people and I wait to see which one it is today, the moody one who pulls faces and complains about everyone’s hair on TV and the fact that her old friend might come and visit her, which is a shame when she has been a very good friend for years, or the one who forgets everything she said and did the day before but is quite pleasant. Then I had to leave her on her own for four days and the first two days she was in bed when I rang at lunchtime and in the early evening, I don’t know how much she had eaten those days and whether she had got up at all, the second day she was very cross with me for waking her up and refused to go down to see if she had got the milk or paper in, yesterday she was quite bright and more like her old self and said she had been washing up, and talked of going to the shop tomorrow, which usually would have worried me but I was fairly sure she would forget and not go, today when I rang early she had unplugged her door alarm box and it was bleeping so I got her to plug it in again, tonight she is in a right muddle and seemed to know it, talking of seeing relatives who are deceased and saying how she didn’t want to worry them, and that she was in the wrong house and had to get home, I asked her if she knew who I was and who she was and she did, as she sometimes muddles up who I am, and got her to go to bed hopefully calmer, I contacted the Social people before Christmas and they said someone would ring me after the holidays to arrange for someone to visit her, but I've still not heard, I am spending half the week with her, she gets stressed when I’m leaving, but refuses to come home with me, and sometimes we end up crying and shouting, I have tried to reason with her but it is a waste of time, although I find it very hard to agree with her when it doesn’t make sense, how do people do this? I know I must make decisions for her, but it’s very hard when she has always been so independent and capable in every way, being her only carer is lonely and it’s difficult to know if you are doing the right thing, it’s like I am blindly feeling my way along.


Registered User
Jul 31, 2007
Dear Memori,
I am sorry to read of the deterioration in your Mum. With Social Sevices it is a case of bombarding them with calls.
Does your Mother have a Care Plan set up.
For support, the is the Local Alzheimer's Branch, Princess Royal Trust, Help the Aged, Crossroads, Age Concern.
I hope this helps in some way.
Best wishes. Christine

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Dear Memori,

If you are beginning to feel your mother is at risk, she needs re-assessing by SS and you need to tell them that.

I would write down all your concerns, so if they see her on a good day, they have it in writing that`s just what it is, a good day, and she can just as easily have a bad day tomorrow.

From all accounts SS are very good at reporting exactly what they see. That`s fair enough, but if they have something different in writing from the next of kin, then it should also be taken into account.

It is usually impossible to reason with someone with dementia. It gets you nowhere and ends up with both of you at loggerheads. Try to accept as much as you can, and if you really feel stretched, walk away. Tell your mother you are not prepared to argue, and will have to leave.

Take care xx


Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
Your post sounds like how it use to be with my mother in the early days .

Its really hard going getting the outside net work rolling from Social services in place also , like Christine said keep ringing them . do it every week you need them to make an appointment for them to come around , don't wait for them to ring you back .

I found once , they came around and put up a care plan in place, things ease of on me , back then I was working full time , not releasing how bad it gets in the future. in those time they offered mum day center at age concern and a cleaner to clean mum house .

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