Feeling mean

[Lainey 127]

Is it wrong to want just 15 minutes peace to myself? Poor Mum, she's going through a clingy phase ( I hope it is a phase) at the moment and we cannot leave her by herself for a minute or she starts yelling at top note, banging furniture and sometims even screaming until we re-appear. She says she's terrified but when we go running to see what's wrong she'll be calmly reading the paper or something while she's yelling. The poor neighbours are sick of the noise.
It wouldn't be so bad if she was quiet while we sat with her but she talks non- stop all the time and woe betide you if she catches you not paying attention to whatever it is she's talking about. I try and talk with her but if I give the wrong answer she starts being really verbally abusive!
It's driven me nuts today and I've come upstairs for ten minutes peace. Is it wrong to want just ten minutes without hearing her voice? As much as I feel desperately sorry for her, I feel like I'm going mad listening to her for twenty hours a day. An hour's respite when the carer comes isn't much of a break.

Has anyone had the same problem and how have you overcome it? Thanks all!

 

[jeany123]

Hello Lainey I have the same problems with my husband and I know how much it wears you down , luckily he goes to day centre for a few hours 3 times a week or I would be to take away,
I can't help because I have tried everything even giving him things to eat to shut him up but he talks through eating, I have even resorted to shouting will you shut up for 5 minutes , I feel guilty and he goes in the huff but forgets 2 minutes later and starts again, if he isn't talking he is whistling singing, or arguing with the TV he comes and sits beside me and talks and talks for hours and will not be put off, you have my sympathy as after a half a hour I am ready to tear my hair out,

Jeany x

 

[artyfarty]

Not wrong to want a few minutes peace at all! We all need it to re-charge out batteries.

Next week I have someone coming from an organisation called Crossroads who are doing an assessment to see if we qualify for two hours free respite care a week. Not sure if its nationwide but in our area, the council is funding two hours a week for six months for all carers. Might be worth looking into in case it's available in your area?

 

[Lainey 127]

Hi jeany123 and artyfarty,
Oh gosh, so I'm not the only one being driven nuts! Yes we have Crossroads here but when I phoned them the lady I spoke to simply said 'Not possible. We're stretched to capacity" and promptly hung up on me!
It's so hard, I feel so mean leaving Mum to fret for ten minutes. She looks so scared and vulnerable, and so relieved when I go back in to her. I feel terribly guilty; I tell myself it's the damage that's being done to her brain by the dementia and that she probably doesn't even know she's doing it, but after a while it starts to wind me up again and my stomach's in a knot.
It's amazing that she never loses her voice. I'd be hoarse if I talked for 20 hours a day seven days a week.

 

[jeany123]

That is exactly what I say about Allen, the talking bit, he never pauses for breath, in a post last week I wrote that he would be in the guinness book of records for talking without stopping for the longest, he might have a contender in your mum,
I forget how bad it is when he is at the day centre but as soon as he starts again it is as if he had never been away and I also know what you mean about your stomach in knots,
I think I will not let it get to me but it does everytime,he doesn't even think what he is going to say just talks and talks,most of it a load of rubbish

Is there any chance of her going to a day centre?

 

[CeliaW]

Forgive me if this suggestion seems out of order but would it be worth having discreet headphones attached to an mp3 player and have some calming music playing? I know its still noise but it might blank out some of the constant chatter etc and hopefully a nod or yes at the right time would work for half an hour?

I realise that it might be a rubbish idea if they need more input than that in response to the chatter but it could work when, for example, Allen is whistling or singing as presumably he doesn't need a comment on that?

Just a thought..

Celia
xx