Feeling lost

Discussion in 'Welcome and how to use Talking Point' started by twobong, Oct 2, 2018.

  1. twobong

    twobong New member

    Sep 30, 2018
    2
    My Dad finally admitted that Mum was diagnosed other Alzheimer's last January , although he had mentioned about appointments about a memory clinic but admitted he didn't want to burden us . So I guess officially we have known for about 2 months. Since then we have seen a significant difference in her ability to do anything for herself. My Dad , who is 81 , still with it and active has done an amazing job keeping it together but now he needs support . Fortunately I am very close by and have been there at the drop of a hat when Dad needs me , and I do stop off when I can . I can't help feeling lost with it all though , I am trying to get things in place to support them both , especially Dad but I can't help the feeling of not doing enough . Emotionally my Dad is old school and very rarely would I see him cry and now that's something I see a lot and it's these emotions where I feel helpless.
     
  2. karaokePete

    karaokePete Volunteer Host

    Jul 23, 2017
    3,045
    Male
    N Ireland
    Hello @twobong, welcome to the forum, which I hope you find to be a friendly and supportive place.

    Do have a good look around as there is a wealth of information here.

    Now that you have found us I hope you keep posting with any questions or observations.
     
  3. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    1,514
    Welcome sweetheart, and I am so glad that your dad has been able to tell you. He will be so glad of your loving support and the chance to talk about this. The feeling lost and not doing enough is how us carers probably all feel. Some people call it guilt, though goodness knows why it should be. I call it grief, which is normal.
    Keep posting, there are amazing people here. Tell us how we can support you. Kindred.
     
  4. karaokePete

    karaokePete Volunteer Host

    Jul 23, 2017
    3,045
    Male
    N Ireland
  5. twobong

    twobong New member

    Sep 30, 2018
    2
    M
    We have someone from Support coming out tomorrow which I will also be present . Lately my Mum has shown levels of aggression which obviously is really hurting my Dad , he loves her so much but just wants to care for her , it's like watching them getting divorced then getting back together over and over again.
     
  6. karaokePete

    karaokePete Volunteer Host

    Jul 23, 2017
    3,045
    Male
    N Ireland
    It can be an emotional roller coaster for a spouse. I know because my wife has been dealing with dementia for a couple of years now and I have experience of her screaming at me as I cleaned up after her, never mind the telling me that she wants to leave. The level of the persons confusion with their present world can lead to behaviour that is not the previous norm.

    Sometimes, and I certainly think in my wife's case, what seems like aggression can be a result of embarrassment or problems like a response to pain. If you glance through the publications list you will see a factsheet about this.

    It may be worth talking to the GP to see if any help can be given for any generalized anxiety or agitation that may help the situation.

    Be wary if violence enters the scenario as that would require protective action.
     
  7. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    6,444
    Yorkshire
    hi @twobong
    a warm welcome from me too
    it's good that you have someone visiting tomorrow
    would you have a chance beforehand to write out a set of bullet points of all the things you have noticed and are concerned about, and what support you would like to help
    that way you have a document to show the visitor, especially if your mum shows any signs of not co-operating or denying what is said
    you might for instance give your dad the document to hand to the visitor while you and your mum make a cuppa for you all
     

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