1. KathrynAnne

    KathrynAnne Registered User

    Jun 6, 2018
    272
    Female
    South Yorkshire
    Well here I am in the final forum and it seems very unreal. Mum passed away peacefully yesterday. Every time I pass her bedroom I start to go in and check on her then realise she isn’t there. I’ve been ringing friends and relations today to give them the news so at least that has given me something to do. Next week I will go to register the death, contact the solicitor and start on the funeral arrangements. It seems my main purpose in life has suddenly been taken away but I suppose that’s only natural when looking after Mum has taken up nearly all my time for the last few years.
     
  2. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    2,906
    Nottinghamshire
    I understand that feeling @KathrynAnne and I'm a little further along the road than you.

    Just last week I had to pull myself up as I was about to say to one of my girls that grandad would probably enjoy...
     
  3. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,225
    Female
    South coast
    (((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))) @KathrynAnne
     
  4. chickenlady

    chickenlady Registered User

    Feb 28, 2016
    94
    Be kind to yourself, my Dad died in November and I still find myself referring to Mum and Dad as if he were still around. Keep busy get the arrangements right and take your time going through the belongings, don't rush. Things that had no value suddenly feel really valuable now then a few months down the line you'll look back and think why did I save that, it's like a rollercoaster.Right a witty eulogy, even if you can't bring yourself to read it at the funeral, spend some time summing up your best memories to share with people who may not have known her so long and committing them to paper. Allow yourself the time to sit and wallow if that's what feels right. Just be kind to yourself.
     
  5. Baggybreeks

    Baggybreeks Registered User

    Mar 22, 2017
    75
    Scotland
    Feeling lost and empty. My husband died 4 weeks ago at the Care Home after 2 years there.
    I have been busy with the organising and notifying people. He’s now at rest after 7 years after dementia destroyed him.
    I am trying to find a way of living without him, but after more than 50 years together , working and living together, it’s lonely.
    Friends and family fill some of my time, but morning and night I still want to say good morning and good night to him.
    Although a long time to prepare for the end, it is still the end, even more with sorting out financial things. Removing his name from our joint bank account, only me now.
    I know from the Forum that others are the same and I try to be positive that we did have a good life together. I try to remember that before the dementia stole him. But the last few years were a struggle and cast their shadow over the memories.
    The sun is shining and spring is here, so I try to enjoy this moment.
     
  6. Baggybreeks

    Baggybreeks Registered User

    Mar 22, 2017
    75
    Scotland
    Sorry for your loss.
    Hopefully you can find a new life and place in the world.
    I cared for my mum for the last 6 years of her life, And took 6 months to sort out her house, before selling it, then I had my husband to care for afterwards till he died 4 weeks ago.
    Now to grieve and then find a future.
     
  7. Ostrich63

    Ostrich63 Registered User

    Jul 9, 2018
    27
    Hello and my sympathies and thoughts go out to you all who have experienced a death.

    I can only say I am slightly ahead of you in time, yet also right by your side as we are both in the early days.


    My Mom died upstairs in her bedroom peacefully on the 9th February, the funeral was beautiful if you can link those words together. Lots of flowers, people, hugging, crying and above all laughing. On Tuesday we lay Mom to rest alongside Dad.

    I am at times lost,at times relieved, a lot of the time I am fine because I know we did everything as children that we could, each of us doing what we could do, at others I find myself welling up. I am sure I should be doing something most of the time even when out walking the dog I find myself catching myself when the thought hits my head, and it hits me directly in the stomach. But each and every time.


    My plans are loose I want a holiday and will go on one or two. I will return to work earlier than I planned I took a years career break to look after Mom back in Dec. Mostly to regain some sort of "order" to my day. I find I sleep well in fact almost too well but mundane things are lovely,
    they require no thought.

    I have kept myself busy so to speak papering the hall stairs and landing as well as having new stair landing carpet fitted. Having removed the handrails etc Mom needed in the bedroom I have decided to redecorate the room.


    My thoughts are with you KathrynAnne. It is hard it is heart breaking but we have done all we can and because of that we will come out the other side.
     
  8. Duggies-girl

    Duggies-girl Registered User

    Sep 6, 2017
    1,485
    It's very early days @KathrynAnne You have to take your time and gather yourself up somehow I suppose. You did the very best for your mum and were there right to the end with her, nobody could have done more.

    You will always miss her but she is at peace now.

    Look after yourself now and take your time. As someone else said. Be kind to yourself.
     
  9. BrianSausage

    BrianSausage Registered User

    Nov 2, 2018
    29
    Hi KathrynAnne

    I really feel for you as I’m going though the same thing.

    My mum passed away on 10 Feb, and we said goodbye to her last Friday.

    I have a huge mum shaped gap in my life, and I’m not sure how I’m going to cope without her. I miss her so much.
    I’m glad she’s not suffering anymore, and I hated seeing her in pain during her last few days, but I wish I had more time with her.

    Everyone says times a healer, and I hope that’s true in our case. It’s early days for both of us.

    Take care x
     
  10. lis66

    lis66 Registered User

    Aug 7, 2015
    253
    Thinking of you and sending (((hugs))) xx large
     
  11. Trying hard

    Trying hard New member

    Oct 18, 2017
    5
    I lost my dad to dementia last July. I still care for my mum who is housebound but she has changed since he has passed away. She’s grieving... as am I.

    I’ve had this role now for 6 and a half years. All the posts (and dad’s death) suggest to me that at some point in the future I will be happy to have done all the work I have done to ensure my parents are/were as comfy as possible.

    Death of a loved one changes everything.....

    Grief is the price of love as they say.....

    I send warm wishes to all those who have lost a loved one. It’s a hard place to be. X
     

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