My husband has recently been diagnosed with Altzheimers although so far does not seem to be following the normal path. I have been a reluctant carer for him for 7 years through a bumpy ride of epilepsy followed by complete heart block needing a pacemaker and then a serious motorcycle accident and now finally the diagnosis I and our sons have known for over 3 years. When I say reluctant carer, we have not been close for many years and just before all this started, I had decided to end the marriage. Obviously I am still here. Things got very bad at Christmas and T ended up in hospital having become incontinent and immobile. Followed by rehab and care home respite. I was poorly myself and virtually had a breakdown. Crying all the time, panic attacks etc. T made steady progress and eventually came home again. Although the break gave me time to recover it also made me realise how much I resented him. I feel totally trapped and although we now have a full care package I end up wandering round shops all day to keep me away from our home I only go home when I have to. I realise that compared to most carers I am a complete failure but I have had to accept my feelings and just try and survive in this nightmare existence.