Feeling Hopeless

[kaz007]

I have just joined the talking point as I am feeling really hopeless. My mother in law suffers from altzheimers and although we get absolutely no feedback from the CPN from what my husband and I have looked at we think that she is stage 5/6.
Over the last few weeks my mother in law has got more and more depressed, she lost (again) her keys so now she won't go out at all. We found them wrapped up in a hankie buried in a blanket box last Friday by Saturday morning they had gone again, it is now almost a week ago and despite searching and searching we cannot find them. Our main problem is that we are not sure if they are "lost" because she is scared of going out, because she is depressed or because she is paranoid that someone might take them. She is upset because she hasn't been out, but when my husband suggested taking her she stormed off saying she didn't need him or anyone.

Secondly we go over now nearly everyday (she does have some care provided) but she gets moody and a bit agressive when we do but if we don't she becomes suicidal ( had a scare which resulted in 4 hours at the hospital).

We feel so isolated and would really appreciate some ideas from anyone who has experienced similar actions.

Sorry this goes on a bit, it would be pages if I wrote about all the concerns, but we really need to be able to share this.

Kaz

 

[Amy]

Hiya Kaz,
Welcome to TP. Please don't apologise about 'going on' - 1) you haven't and 2)Tp is the place where you are free to talk as much as you like, and people understand.
I haven't experienced similar actions, so don't think I can be of much help.
I doubt if the losing of keys is deliberate - too thought out. They will turn up one day. Try and reassure MIL that they will have been put somewhere safe - and we all have things in such safe places that we need time to remember! (I know I do).

MIL may well be afraid of leaving the house, as other things become less familiar and scarey - she may be afraid of becoming lost. Could you 'guard' the house, whilst your husband takes her out? Could going with her son, or you, be seen as doing you a favour, so that she feels useful.

The moods and aggression are all part and parcel of the dementia. Try and keep things non-confrontational.

Have you looked at any of the factsheets? See top left hand corner of your screen.

You are nolonger isolated - we are a bit like one big extended family here. People will listen, empathise, offer advice - as sufferers and carers, we all have an insight into one anothers situations - though no two situations are identical.
Love Helen

 

[BeckyJan]

Hello Kaz:

Firstly the last thing you are is 'hopeless'; you are in an extremely difficult position and you have had the good sense to get on to TP.

Losing things was a way my husband started with Alz. - although he had always been very organised. Memory and confusion seemed to follow. I get very confused myself about the stages as it seems one can ebb and flow from one stage to another.

I just feel you need to get GP, CPN and anyone else you can on your side. Also speak to your local Alz. Society organiser - they are usually exceptionally helpful and may put you in touch with others.

Good luck and best wishes Beckyjan

 

[maria29al]

Hi Kaz,

Welcome to our "family"

My Mum kept "misplacing" her keys too. At one time I didnt have a spare set so in the end we got a "key Safe" fitted on the outside of the house and now have a spare set in there...only me, my sister and the carers know the code to get in to it should the need arise. At the moment tho Mum seems to be in control of her keys!

Keep posting. Everyone here is really friendly and we share so much useful advice.

Take care. Hugs
M
x

 

[kaz007]

Feeling a bit better

Thank you all for your support.

We have written to the CPN and we also thought about a safe, but not outside, that seems a really good idea.

MIL hasn't had a great day but your messages have made us all feel so much better when we got home again. We definately don't feel so alone any more and not as hopeless.

Thanks and best wishes

Kaz

 

[Cate]

Hi Kaz

Just wanted to say hello, you have found the right place for all sorts of advice and support from the most kind people I have ever come across. They have been with me through all kinds of highs and lows. Keep reading and posting.
Welcome
Cate