1. Doghouse

    Doghouse Registered User

    Dec 30, 2015
    Folkestone, Kent
    Went away for 2 days. Spoke to mum when I got back yesterday. Her carer called this morning saying that mum was anxious as she had not heard from me. Spoke to mum and explained I had spoke to her yesterday as soon as I got home. She ended up getting upset and I end up getting cross. Now feeling very guilty as I shouldn't get cross but I don't know how to deal with this. I feel like I can't have any time to myself. Wish I had siblings :-(
  2. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    I'm an only too and on my own and I did find it difficult too xxx I just had to keep reminding myself that she was anxious because she was afraid - if you have no point of time reference then life becomes a minefield and unstructured and scary.

    BUT i also arranged a lunch club, a dementia day club and some sitting hours through the carers assessment. I'm afraid I wasn't brave enough to do a night away unless my (only just) teenager stayed which was very occasional but that was just me and with the right care in place lots of people go away and i'm sure they will chime in with solutions.

    You really do need time for yourself so don't feel guilty but perhaps you can find activities for her that she enjoys and that will take the pressure off you.

    There are several ways of finding more local services
    Carers Assessment through ~Social services adult care services duty desk
    Your local carers organisation - and especially a carers cafe if you have one locally
    Age UK freephone helpline 365 days a year 0800169 2081
    and the AS dementia helpline 0300 222 1122 can provide information, support, guidance and signposting to other appropriate organisations.

    The Helpline is usually open from:
    9am - 8pm Monday to Wednesday
    9am - 5pm on Thursday and Friday
    10am - 4pm on Saturday and Sunday
  3. beverrino

    beverrino Registered User

    Jan 12, 2015
    oh doghouse - it is difficult! but siblings are not always a help. I am my mums main carer (working full time) with a sister and a brother who have very little to do with her (in comparison to me). it was never intentional for me to take control but these things happen. she is very dependent on me - and I know what you mean about time to yourself.
    my mum keeps a diary and she writes down things like when someone visits or rings (sometimes she has to be reminded to write them down), so if you could get her to maybe record things like this, then ask her to read it to you when you see/ speak to her? without mums diary she would be even more lost than she is now.
    I know these things don't work for everyone, but this is the way my mum copes currently.
    I wish you well, and please try not to feel guilty, we all have our limits sometimes, it is difficult
  4. Candlelight 67

    Candlelight 67 Registered User

    Nov 4, 2013
    West Sussex
    My Mother has a diary that she writes in.too. She has kept one for years, today it is very important to her but can sometimes be an work of fiction. It seems to help her remember what she did yesterday.

    I too am feeling very guilty as I have not been round to see My mother for a few days. Although we have been in constant contact. I have had a cold and gave in when she said don't come. Plus as usual my house has had dramas.

    I also can't go away as my mother needs to know where I am. I can speak to her in the morning early pop out to the shop to come back to a full ansaphone of heart rending messages. To be honest I am surprised I havent had to go round because of an emergency.

    All I really wanted to say was you are not alone. It is difficult being an only child I know as I am one but my cousins who are not still have similar problems.
  5. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    South coast

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