1. Chemmy

    Chemmy Registered User

    Nov 7, 2011
    7,593
    Yorkshire
    I'm OK about it. Christmas was cancelled that year, obviously, but I'd had some difficult Christmases before that with her and Dad so I wasn't a big fan of the festive season anyway. My OH and I spent one Christmas Day with a flask of homemade soup and a picnic in the car on Scarborough prom as I was so desperate to do something different. Other than the lack of toilets (everything was shut :eek:), it was great!

    I grieved, of course I did, but life goes on, and this year, my three little grandchildren will be here tomorrow for dinner. My granddaughter will be three in March and has been 'waiting for Christmas' all week, and my two baby grandsons born in June and July this year.

    It's all part of the cycle of life. I won't be here forever either, none of us will, and again acceptance is the key. Our parents are likely to die before us. That's the way it is and we shouldn't expect otherwise. No regrets allowed.

    Carpe diem and all that. Don't look back with regret, don't look too far forward with trepidation. Enjoy the moment. Actually, spending time with a toddler these last few months teaches you that. Nothing like a walk in the rain splashing in muddy puddles and watching the wonder in her eyes when the water goes down the drain 'to the river and to the sea'.

    On that philosophical note, I'll get back to the kitchen. Trying to cook Delia's red cabbage for the first time. There looks to be enough to feed an army:D
     
  2. poster

    poster Registered User

    Dec 28, 2011
    190
    :)
     
  3. poster

    poster Registered User

    Dec 28, 2011
    190
    I am getting a hair consultation in the new year from a black hairdresser who deals with black and mixed race hair. I am now in my mums good books because of this. I called the salon and they asked what my hair was like and said it was English. Every hairdresser has said the same. So just to please my mum im going to see them and when they look at my hair they will no doubt confirm what I have always been told.

    Then what will my mum say? they are wrong? They are trained qualified hairdressers. I will then say but you disagree with an English hairdresser and now you are disagreeing with a black hairdresser? If the black hairdresser has come to the same conclusion as the English hairdresser then I am inclined to agree that the English hairdresser knows what she is talking about and do not need to switch to a black hairdresser.

    I am very curious as to the outcome of this consultation. This is not a case of one-upmanship and scoring points, its about being respected for what I want to do as a human being and being allowed to do so because my feelings matter too.
     
  4. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,740
    I hope the consultation works out well for you and I wish you have very happy and peaceful Christmas and New Year xxx
     
  5. poster

    poster Registered User

    Dec 28, 2011
    190
    Cheers. I am sure the consultation will work out well. I still feel I am walking on eggshells or there is a volcano waiting to erupt. For the moment my mum is happy with me but it won't last.

    I will update this thread when I have had the consultation in the new year and until then, there is nothing else to say except.


    Happy Christmas
     
  6. Chemmy

    Chemmy Registered User

    Nov 7, 2011
    7,593
    Yorkshire
    Merry Christmas to you too, poster :)
     
  7. poster

    poster Registered User

    Dec 28, 2011
    190
    #47 poster, Dec 26, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 26, 2015
    I thought I would post a photo of myself as I have been talking for a long time about my appearance. Never posted a photo on here before so hope it works.


    Anyway I will update again in the new year.. Happy new year folks and hope everyone had a peaceful Christmas day
     

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  8. Chemmy

    Chemmy Registered User

    Nov 7, 2011
    7,593
    Yorkshire
    It looks great as it is, poster, and it's not particularly long either - more if a long bob, I'd say. What on earth does your mum want you to do with it? There aren't many who can get away with a 'Judi Dench'.

    I seemed to spend most of yesterday in the kitchen. Grrr, I hate, hate, hate cooking turkey. Red cabbage was OK but I won't waste my time with that again. Shredded sprout, leek and bacon stir fry on the other hand was enjoyed by all, even those who 'don't eat sprouts' :D

    And my little grandaughter decided she LOVES Christmas pudding. I wasted my time making the Delia version one year and they all turned their nose up at it so now I serve up a Sainsburys non-nutty one with no complaints. Five mins in microwave and a splash of brandy - Now that's what I call Christmas (cooking) ;)

    Can you tell I'm not the world's most dedicated cook? :D
     
  9. poster

    poster Registered User

    Dec 28, 2011
    190
    Thanks Here is one of me with short hair taken a couple of years ago. Sorry its not clear but its the only one I had.
     

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  10. poster

    poster Registered User

    Dec 28, 2011
    190
    #50 poster, Dec 26, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 26, 2015
    Last but not least, one more of me with long hair styled differently. I just thought I would post to see what people thought. Anyway as I said I will post again once have had the hair consultation from a black hairdresser. :)

    I think I look quite pretty in this one. I did try putting my hair like this when I saw my mum but she did not like it.
     

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  11. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,094
    Kent
    Your hair is lovely. I would just put this down to obsessive behaviour on your mothers part and refuse to discuss it. If you visit and she starts to fuss about your hair, tell her you are not prepared to discuss it and walk away.
     
  12. poster

    poster Registered User

    Dec 28, 2011
    190
    Just out of interest what do you think of the second one with my hair shorter and also the third one. I think I like the third one best
     
  13. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    1,056
    GLASGOW
    I think they are all very nice and your hair is nit an issue. Dementia is a mental illness and can make someone behave in very odd ways. My mum fixated on my sister and decided she hated her. She told her nit to come back and basicakly broke her heart. Try to brush off what your mum says. Tell her firmly no, that you are happy as you are. Stay calm and smile. Be firm but nice. Hope it works.
     
  14. Marcelle123

    Marcelle123 Registered User

    I have read this with great interest. Your hair looks nice, poster - I too have shoulder length hair but it is not as thick or as nice as yours.

    My mother is no great problem as yet. She has mild dementia but still lives independently three doors away. She is getting worse & mainly I am worried about what may or will happen. That is why I joined this site a couple of months ago, and so far it's been useful not only for the excellent advice but for showing me that I'm really lucky compared with the terrible scenarios that I read about here.

    My mother's attitude to me is basically good, though she does say one thing to my face, and behind my back tells my siblings, when they visit, that I'm trying to steal her money! Luckily, they know it's baloney.

    However - as commonly with mothers and daughters - there's a bit of rivalry or one-upmanship in her attitude to me. I had compiled a family photo-book for Xmas for her as she's beginning to get confused about her six children and their spouses, children etc, and on the pages about her kids, I'd put one 'young' photo and one recent photo. She looked at the one of me, aged nine, with my hair in a bob, and the one of me more recently, with longer hair, pinned back behind the ears.

    'Your hair does look nice here,' she said, pointing to the young photo. 'It's a good style - it suits your face.' She gave a derisive glance at the recent photo.


    Despite the comment being laughable - who doesn't look better aged nine than aged 64? - I still felt a bit hurt. So I do see why your mother's fixation with your hair has upset you. And in my own case, my hair is a big part of 'who I am' - I'm a redhead, and when a hairdresser cut it so short a few years ago that you could see my scalp through the underneath hair that has a mousey colour, I felt like becoming a hermit.


    I hope the consultation goes well and that your mother's fixation somehow fades and you can get on much better once again.

    All the best for a happy & healthy New Year.
     
  15. poster

    poster Registered User

    Dec 28, 2011
    190
    I am not keen on the short hair one. The whole point of posting me with long and short hair is to show people what I look like with different hair length. Some people just do not suit short hair. I am sorry what happened with your mum and sister.
     
  16. poster

    poster Registered User

    Dec 28, 2011
    190
    I get the feeling nobody wants to comment on these photos? Especially the short hair one
     
  17. notsogooddtr

    notsogooddtr Registered User

    Jul 2, 2011
    806
    I've been following this thread but haven't posted before.To be blunt I don't think your hair is a problem that will be a priority for people dealing with relatives with dementia.You are an adult woman and you can make whatever choices you like about your appearance,long hair,short hair,blue hair no hair.Of more concern are the issues with your mother;many people on here have offered advice but at the end of the day as an adult you have to make the decision,whatever you decide is OK,no one can expect you to be an emotional punch bag.But please stop worrying about your hair,in the great scheme of things it only really matters to you.I'm sorry if you feel this is harsh.
     
  18. Marcelle123

    Marcelle123 Registered User

    #58 Marcelle123, Dec 28, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 28, 2015
    Since you ask for an opinion, I like the first photo best. Your hair looks nice in that one. I don't like the arrangement in the third photo. And I quite like the short hair photo because I like fringes.

    But what I think matters not a jot; you should trust your own judgement about your hair and keep on trying to follow the advice given as regards talking to your mother if she brings up the hair issue. And be judicious about answering the phone.

    If it does boil down to being 'about hair', you could possibly put your hair up in a pleat, or just wear a hat when you go and see her. But not if you think that would make her demands worse.

    Don't worry about it, though. The photos show that you're a nice-looking woman, and your mother - if she's anything like mine - hasn't a clue as regards hair or clothes advice.

    It is currently fashionable for women of any age to have longer hair, a trend set by 'Kate', I think. That's good news, because if one's hairstyle is like a lot of other people's, it is bound to look 'acceptable'.

    But your mother is probably stuck in the Age of Bobs, as my mother is - and my gran was stuck in the Age of Neat Perms.
     

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