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Feeling guilty


Registered User
Sep 27, 2014
My Mum was diagnosed officially at age 71 although the signs were apparent at least back to age 69/70. She is now 72 and I am worried about my feelings towards her. I have difficulty being alone with her, feel frightened to stay overnight with her, and am ultimately faced with a huge dilemma of deciding whether to take the opportunity to go overseas for 8 months. There are other relatives/carers who take a more primary care role but I'm scared about how to tell her, when to tell her and what I'll face when I come home - it's the ultimate put me and my family first or her? No-one can answer this but I can't bear the thought of leaving her when she still recognises me and then returning when she doesn't. It's so distressing seeing her physically capable, but mentally getting worse - my Mum has gone.....:(


Registered User
Oct 18, 2010
North East England
Hello, first and foremost your Mum has primary carers in place. I think, from what you have said, that you and Mum do not have the closest of relationships, but Dementia can sometimes bring families closer but other times it can destroy them.

If you want to take this opportunity then you should go for it, the chance may never come again. You can put your life on hold......but for how long?


Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
South coast
Please dont feel guilty

If you have the opportunity I would take it. If you dont go you may find that your mum still knows you in a years time! Thats the trouble with this disease - you dont get crystal balls issued and you cant stop doing things "just in case"