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Feeling guilty rant


Registered User
Nov 16, 2015
Hello all, I've not posted for a while, but I feel the need to have a moan in a 'safe' place!!! My aunt moved into a care home in November after a nightmare year. My partner and I had to look after her as she refused to have any carers coming in. She would be on the phone several times a day, would say the TV/kettle/toaster/toilet etc was broken. Before she became ill she was always very demanding and a bit spoiled. In the past 3 and a half years I have lost my mum & dad & my uncle. All through their illnesses and after they passed, my aunt would always want my attention and seemed to have no thought about anyone else. I've struggled coping with this and trying to hold on to my job. We have just finished sorting out her house which was a nightmare and I just feel that the pressure will never end. She was originally diagnosed with Alzheimer's and Parkinson's, now they're saying she has Dementia with LB and are trying her with different medications. When we visit, she is in turn tearful/angry/agitated/verbally aggressive. She has hallucinations and uses strange voices at times. It's as though she has her own language, and she becomes annoyed when we can't understand or communicate with her. I feel awful that she is in a care home and really guilty that I don't want to visit a lot of the time. Thanks for listening


Registered User
Jun 14, 2015
The Fens
I am so sorry to read that you are having such a bad time of it. I am not qualified enough to comment on your situation but would think that as your aunt is in a care home she is safe and secure so you should not need to worry. Take a break and then perhaps you will feel like visiting again.
We all need time to be ourselves.


Registered User
Jul 20, 2011
Goodness me you have had a difficult time xxx
As Katy says she is safe in the care home and perhaps for a bit if you just keep an eye on her care and visit less then things may calm down or when you visit can perhaps try a hand massage or some music that you know she used to like or something that will bring back good memories for both of you. Maybe some old, really old, family photos.


Registered User
Aug 29, 2011
She has sadly also lost all the family you have...It may be hard for you to visit but if you don't you can't know she is safe and secure and being well treated.


Registered User
Jul 30, 2014
It sounds as if you need to look after yourself for a while. I'm sure phone calls to the staff will suffice to see how she is and if you are happy with the care home you need not worry about her safety. Why not take a break and go back when you have something in the tank so you yourself are calmer? It's odd how people who seem delusional pick up on the emotional signals when much else has gone, imo.