My parents have now been in a CH for 3 months...moved there after my Dad was admitted to hospital with a UTI and it became apparent that both of them had deteriorated to a point that they were really not coping at home. They were 150 miles away from me and the two years prior to them moving to a CH had been pretty difficult with me constantly driving up and down the motorway to sort out one crisis or another.
It was very stressful making the decision to move them but I had this vision that when they moved to the CH - lovely place, couples suite, 10 minutes down the road from me, specialist dementia care - that everything would be much less stressful and we could enjoy spending time together again. But it's just not been like that.
They haven't settled. They constantly ask me when they are leaving and it is the topic of conversation at every visit - I just can't distract them. They talk about houses they lived in many years ago though which I know is common with Alzheimers sufferers and often think they are in a hotel or pub. My Dad has no insight into his medical problems and is insistent they would manage fine at home even though he now needs 24 hour care. Plus he's had this delusion that students are living in their house and asks me about it incessantly. And he's passed this onto my Mum who also is becoming obsessed with the idea. I try to reassure them as I don't want them upset but it comes up every visit and I just can't get them off the subject. And if I don't visit that day because I can't face the same conversations again and again they phone me...at least a couple of times day...sometimes more to ask about it again.
I'm just worn down by the constant reassurance I'm giving and having to be cheerful and upbeat with them all the time whilst answering the same questions...and although I'm trying to use all the tips about distraction and vague and compassionate communication I just hate not being able to have a truthful and rational conversation with them. I'm just not very good at it - and the visits aren't the enjoyable ones I was hoping for.
I The GP / SW say I've made the right decision and it's in their best interests..as do the rest of my family (extended family..I'm an only child) and I know rationally that they are safe and well cared for now but when they aren't settling it's really hard to stay confident. I suppose I can only hope they settle soon.
And I hate dealing with the finances....paranoid I've done all the calculations wrong for the CH fees planning. And completely overwhelmed at the prospect of selling their house - particularly as I can't discuss it with them.
I'm trying not to let the situation impact my children and husband but today I just feel completely resentful of the whole situation and most awfully feel quite resentful of them. Even though I know it's not their fault. Isn't that dreadful . I'm trying my best to make the right decisions and be sensible and rational about it all but today just don't feel there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Gosh that was a long rant..and I don't really have any questions ...just looking for others who are in similar situations and understand. I find it very lonely having to make decisions without any siblings for support....and to constantly have to be upbeat for everyone when I feel fairly rubbish about it all. Another sleepless night!
It was very stressful making the decision to move them but I had this vision that when they moved to the CH - lovely place, couples suite, 10 minutes down the road from me, specialist dementia care - that everything would be much less stressful and we could enjoy spending time together again. But it's just not been like that.
They haven't settled. They constantly ask me when they are leaving and it is the topic of conversation at every visit - I just can't distract them. They talk about houses they lived in many years ago though which I know is common with Alzheimers sufferers and often think they are in a hotel or pub. My Dad has no insight into his medical problems and is insistent they would manage fine at home even though he now needs 24 hour care. Plus he's had this delusion that students are living in their house and asks me about it incessantly. And he's passed this onto my Mum who also is becoming obsessed with the idea. I try to reassure them as I don't want them upset but it comes up every visit and I just can't get them off the subject. And if I don't visit that day because I can't face the same conversations again and again they phone me...at least a couple of times day...sometimes more to ask about it again.
I'm just worn down by the constant reassurance I'm giving and having to be cheerful and upbeat with them all the time whilst answering the same questions...and although I'm trying to use all the tips about distraction and vague and compassionate communication I just hate not being able to have a truthful and rational conversation with them. I'm just not very good at it - and the visits aren't the enjoyable ones I was hoping for.
I The GP / SW say I've made the right decision and it's in their best interests..as do the rest of my family (extended family..I'm an only child) and I know rationally that they are safe and well cared for now but when they aren't settling it's really hard to stay confident. I suppose I can only hope they settle soon.
And I hate dealing with the finances....paranoid I've done all the calculations wrong for the CH fees planning. And completely overwhelmed at the prospect of selling their house - particularly as I can't discuss it with them.
I'm trying not to let the situation impact my children and husband but today I just feel completely resentful of the whole situation and most awfully feel quite resentful of them. Even though I know it's not their fault. Isn't that dreadful . I'm trying my best to make the right decisions and be sensible and rational about it all but today just don't feel there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Gosh that was a long rant..and I don't really have any questions ...just looking for others who are in similar situations and understand. I find it very lonely having to make decisions without any siblings for support....and to constantly have to be upbeat for everyone when I feel fairly rubbish about it all. Another sleepless night!