feeling guilty again

marmarlade

Registered User
Jan 26, 2015
183
hubby has been in care now for several months. so have been sorting out what money can be taken if anything happens to me, it comes down to selling the house for funding me. So have changed my will leaving my half of the house to the children,BUT the awful part was i had to serve notice of sevence on my husband so the house is no longer in joint names, i know this is silly but to me it felt like i was getting rid of him and it really upset me,as i also had to get him to sign this paper[well put a mark on it] to say he had seen it ,but he had no idea what it was and it made me feel so quilty, i know we have to do these things but it all adds to the awful feeling quilt
 

Chuggalug

Registered User
Mar 24, 2014
8,007
Norfolk
hubby has been in care now for several months. so have been sorting out what money can be taken if anything happens to me, it comes down to selling the house for funding me. So have changed my will leaving my half of the house to the children,BUT the awful part was i had to serve notice of sevence on my husband so the house is no longer in joint names, i know this is silly but to me it felt like i was getting rid of him and it really upset me,as i also had to get him to sign this paper[well put a mark on it] to say he had seen it ,but he had no idea what it was and it made me feel so quilty, i know we have to do these things but it all adds to the awful feeling quilt
Phew! The being treated as if you are separated thing is so not nice. Been through it and I hated it. There's no choice as it's connected to funding. My situation is very different to yours, but even with state benefits, after someone's been taken into full time care, it is automatically assumed you are now separated, and the resulting care charges/benefits reflect this.

I can't comment on your situation, Marmarlade, as mine is so different. I do hope someone who knows a bit more will comment.
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,004
Scotland
I know Scottish law is different but this surprised me. I added a codicil to my will leaving my half of the house to our girls and was not obliged to involve John in it at all. We have the tenants in common arrangement for ownership.
 

jikkie

Registered User
Aug 23, 2015
64
I am just making the change from joint tenants to tenants in common, and making the split 75%/25% as well "to reflect the relative capital contributions made.." (I was the one with the high paying job, and also received a goodly inheritance - sadly long gone for other reasons.) Actually we agreed this a long time ago, but I hadnt dug out the Land Registry forms... tut. I cannot find out if it's necessary for the trust deed with the split to be dated as late as when the SEV form i sent to be registered. And as you people probably know, the LR doesn't get involved in the share aspect.

I won't be getting SS involved for quite some time yet. Wills were done some time ago, and the LPA is ready to be sent off (just choking a bit on writing the cheque!).
 

marmarlade

Registered User
Jan 26, 2015
183
feeling quilty again

thanks to you all who replied to my post. the people who we have to deal with about all funding ,SS ect have no idea how this makes us feel, to them its a job[ go home and forget it] to us its our lives torn apart with no one to blame but its so lovely to have T.P. to share our worries with others
 

Chuggalug

Registered User
Mar 24, 2014
8,007
Norfolk
thanks to you all who replied to my post. the people who we have to deal with about all funding ,SS ect have no idea how this makes us feel, to them its a job[ go home and forget it] to us its our lives torn apart with no one to blame but its so lovely to have T.P. to share our worries with others
They don't know as they haven't lived with it yet. I hope those who initially hurt me either never have to suffer this, or they know how to access help if/when they need it. Some of the aspects of this disease are harrowing, and we are never warned about it. The words: "don't worry" came up an awful lot when I was dealing with everything. I came from a background of everyone ignoring my cries for help, which damaged me to the point I just wouldn't ask any more. I'm often sickened to read of other's reports of the absolute lack of useful help which might keep the carer out of the health system for longer, never mind their loved one, who didn't ask for this horrific sickness to happen to them.

Once you've lived alongside dementia, you couldn't wish it on an enemy, if you had one.
 

Scarlett123

Registered User
Apr 30, 2013
3,802
Essex
hubby has been in care now for several months. so have been sorting out what money can be taken if anything happens to me, it comes down to selling the house for funding me. So have changed my will leaving my half of the house to the children,BUT the awful part was i had to serve notice of sevence on my husband so the house is no longer in joint names, i know this is silly but to me it felt like i was getting rid of him and it really upset me,as i also had to get him to sign this paper[well put a mark on it] to say he had seen it ,but he had no idea what it was and it made me feel so quilty, i know we have to do these things but it all adds to the awful feeling quilt
I did the same thing, and at the time, drowned in guilt. :( Like your hubby, mine just made a mark, and didn't know what it was for, or who I was. But when, 4 months later, John died, I realised that I had done the right thing, for the children and grandchildren, at the time.

And that's all any of us can do, who are in this rotten lousy position. Do what we think is best.