Hi, I look after my cognitively-impaired mum-in-law and dad-in-law (77 and 82). I'm fairly new to my caring role, and just need to offload a bit, as I'm feeling frustrated today. Having spent an intense 3 months or so arranging as much as I can for them, lately I seem to have come to a hiatus. Earlier this week, I attended a local carers' help group. It was really useful to hear from people who have trodden this path before me. I was given lots of good advice, but I also heard myself responding to a lot of the advice with "I've sent in the form/ request (whatever), it's in the pipeline, I'm waiting to hear"! This sums up where I'm at right now, and I can't help feeling that I'm missing something, or there is someone I should be chasing up! Right now, the things "in the pipeline" are: * MIL's appointment with the local psychiatric hospital, to get a formal diagnosis - she already gets Donezepil via a private diagnosis, but we feel we need an NHS diagnosis, to access the support she needs * Attendance allowance claims for both of them * Carer's allowance for me * Decision from DVLA about MIL's driving - meanwhile her car is sitting disabled in her driveway * Social Services care assessment for MIL and for me. They did visit DIL recently, but as they are self-funding, SS don't seem to be interested, and they didn't send a care plan or anything like that for my DIL. They did, however, make a referral to Occupational Therapy for him - another appointment "in the pipeline". Also, recently I changed DIL's carers, as they weren't cleaning him properly in his catheter site. This was discovered by the district nurses, following a routine catheter change (this happens every 3 months). I phoned the DN to ask if they would be willing to do an interim check, to see if the new carers are doing a better job? But they said no, they would only respond if he was showing signs of an actual infection. So I'm wondering, where is the quality control over carers? I'm also feeling frustrated with my siblings-in-law. This evening, we have a family meeting with my husband's 3 siblings. My sister-in-law does a sterling job for DIL's night time care. My 2 BILs are also involved to some extent, but live some distance away, so don't see the issues my SIL and I see more closely. I sometimes feel that the 2 BILs don't appreciate how difficult life is for MIL and DIL nowadays. I visit them roughly every other day with dinner/ shopping or whatever, run errands for them, and take them to appointments or whatever is needed.(I'd go mad if I was with them every day!), so I see more of the daily mishaps. I worry now that my visits, though regular, are not enough. They are both so very vulnerable in so many ways. MIL doesn't understand money any more, so my husband (who has POA) gives her small amounts of cash to spend in local shops. MIL doesn't cook any more, but she sometimes tries to, and I see her switching on the hob and then placing her hands near the hot plate and I just shudder....so I'm wondering if now is the time to make plans for a live-in carer for them both? (Not sure they are ready for a care home yet.) I know that there will be some resistance to this idea from the siblings, not least because of financial considerations. But I also think they don't really want to admit that MIL has deteriorated so much. Even my SIL, who does see them every day, seems determined to persevere with 'training' MIL to cook pre-prepared meals in the microwave. These meals need to be cooked from frozen, but MIL cannot read the instructions and will defrost them first. She then complains that the vegetables are not nice. Sorry, I've ranted on a lot here. I'm not sure what response I'd like to hear (!), but I'm sure there must be someone out there who has felt as I'm feeling today. I would love to hear your thoughts. Thank you for reading this.