Feeling emotional

[rubyrosie]

It's my mums birthday today she is 88. Since moving to the nursing home she seems to have picked up a bit but is very depressed. Some days I go in and she refers to herself as the little old lady in the corner or tells me I am col and distant or lacking sympathy
I know a lot of what she says is not her but some of it she has always accused me of
I visit everyday and am the one who gets the doctor to come out or sorts out issues with her care

My sister does not get the same comments as often and I think I am emotionally exhausted as I do not want to see her today on her actual birthday and meet my sister there

Not sure why and sorry for rambling on
X

 

[pony-mad]

Just sending my sympathy; birthdays and other such occasions can bring to the fore all sorts of emotions that we can otherwise keep under-wraps. Hope your day goes OK. x

 

[Lady Phoenix]

You are caught in a catch 22 at the moment. You go in every single day but if you dont go in today, this one special day, you could be regarded as heartless. She will probably be fussed a lot and have lots of visitors and why not have a day off, you most likely deserve it.

If you are exhausted and do not feel you can face a visit today then I think you are justified for not going.

With regards to her comments. Isnt it amazing how we all know that its not her and is just the condition, yet it doesnt make it any easier. I can have a great day with my lady one day and the next she is as cold as ice. I tell myself that its just her condition and that tomorrow will be a better day. I tell myself that Im a good carer and that I have done everything I could plus a little bit more, yet I still go to bed feeling a little bit of a failure.

 

[rubyrosie]

Thank you

You are caught in a catch 22 at the moment. You go in every single day but if you dont go in today, this one special day, you could be regarded as heartless. She will probably be fussed a lot and have lots of visitors and why not have a day off, you most likely deserve it.

If you are exhausted and do not feel you can face a visit today then I think you are justified for not going.

With regards to her comments. Isnt it amazing how we all know that its not her and is just the condition, yet it doesnt make it any easier. I can have a great day with my lady one day and the next she is as cold as ice. I tell myself that its just her condition and that tomorrow will be a better day. I tell myself that Im a good carer and that I have done everything I could plus a little bit more, yet I still go to bed feeling a little bit of a failure.

I have arrange for her neice nephew and her brother in law to visit too but they are coming tomorrow so I will go with them my sister is busy tomorrow so won't see them

Why do we feel like we are being pulled in so many different directions when we try and do the right thing x

 

[Lady Phoenix]

Why do we feel like we are being pulled in so many different directions when we try and do the right thing x

Simply because we care. Its really that simple.

If we visited our relations for 23.5 hours a day we would feel guilty that we didnt see them for the other 30 minutes.

I have seen my fair share of relations who only show up when someone has died and thats only to collect the belongings that they have had their eye on since an illness was announced. Yet somehow these are the people who are well thought of by others. The ones who actually care dont mind though. They know in their hearts that they did their best and do not need to make up excuses.

You only feel like this because you are doing a great job and want to find a way to do more. Well, by the sounds of things you are doing an excellent job and it looks at though you are putting everyone elses needs so far ahead of your own that you run the risk of making yourself ill, and then you will be of no use to anyone.

I know its easier said than done, but you must set a little time for yourself and shut out the world.

 

[CJW]

I think if I was you I would pop in very early with an ostentatious bunch of flowers and card, give her a kiss and tell her you wanted to be the first to wish her a happy birthday then leave. At least everyone will know you didn't forget her on her birthday. All that said you have to go with what will make you feel best....I do sympathise...