Feeling down with my mums dementia

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Blossom64, Jan 13, 2015.

  1. Blossom64

    Blossom64 Registered User

    Jan 13, 2015
    9
    My mum has had dementia for 4 years or so now and needs help with feeding, washing, dressing etc, My dad is the main carer and I visit when I can to help but she is now living in a small room upstairs in the house as she wont go down stairs - anyone else had this issue? It is so sad as she is getting very overweight as still has a good appetite and not sure what to do to help her. She has a carer in each morning to get her up, washed and dressed at 10am and is back in bed at 10pm. She also doesn't speak which is the most difficult thing as she was a right chatter box, I am at the stage where I cant really remember my old mum and its making me very down supporting my dad through it all as well. I dread when the end does come but we are already grieving.
     
  2. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,600
    Female
    Scotland
    One of the fellows I meet at an Alz group I go to was having similar problems with his wife and drastically cut the portion sizes he was giving her. Your Mum would either have to accept that or get herself downstairs to get more food. This is tough love in action.
     
  3. Kate and jack

    Kate and jack Registered User

    Blossom64

    Your situation sounds just like mine.
    We're in the 7 yr with my mum.
    She still lives at home with my dad and I like you go in 3/4 days a week to help and give dad time out.
    We brought bed downstairs over a yr ago,to make living easier. Up until last year she sat with my dad ,but she now chants all day and can mentally make you feel like your going mad,so now we have got a recliner chair,commode,table,walking frame ect and she now lives in the conservatory,which my dad says is sound proof! She's happy she sits there all day till 9 when she goes to bed.she has music ,tv out there,it's warm,she has space to move around too.
    As far as appetite goes she now is better with finger foods,we do have to spoon feed her now.we did get some built up drinks from GP as her appetite gas declined.

    It's very hard work,and like you I get down from time to time.
    My dad and I are
    actually ready to move on,when that will be is hard to know.
    We grieve everyday and live in limbo,and this is the hardest part I think.
    I said goodbye to my mum years ago,I feel it's a case of keeping her clean,warm and fed ,she dosnt know what day it is,or who we are,and that's why I get down as I remember my mum to to very proud.hate it ,it's so cruel isn't it?
     
  4. Kate and jack

    Kate and jack Registered User

    It's hard to support dad too,as you are grieving yourself,I find it hard to be happy sometimes around my dad as the pain for me is difficult. Has your mum got all the upstairs to walk around?
     
  5. Blossom64

    Blossom64 Registered User

    Jan 13, 2015
    9
    Thanks so much for the response - sent home from work yesterday as felt so down its dreadful but pleased to hear from someone in the same boat. She does walk around a bit upstairs and I have suggested a bed downstairs but there would be no shower or bath but I am scared she will be upstairs and never go outside again / . I try and be happy when I am with them but sometimes its impossible,
     
  6. Kate and jack

    Kate and jack Registered User

    Work can wait...when your feeling low the last thing you need to do is go to work,you have enough going on

    When we brought my mum downstairs ,she was becoming extremely agitated with personnel hygiene and getting her in the shower was hard work and agrivating the situation.
    So we started to not worry too much about showering and made sure she was stripped washed instead,this worked and still does really well.
    We use the sink in the kitchen and recently have taken to washing her on the side of the bed ,dressing at the same time
    She then is ready for the day with minimal disturbance and agitation
    She walks with a frame into the other end of the house and bedtime we do it all again.
    We have learnt what is easier for us and what works for her and us ......no use making it more difficult than it already is
     

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